Love can do anything to us people I guess. I’ve always wanted to be a dad. I think my dad dying young, leaving me on my own with my grandparents, mom and sis, makes me want to be a good dad to my kids in the future. I’ve always wanted to have kids on my own but today I had second thoughts.
Call me a sucker but I got to talk with wifeyD today and we finally have come to a conclusion where we’re both pretty much in love with each other, but this time, both of us admitted. While I took time trying to question myself if I really loved him or not, he took his time getting over his ex. Today just happens to be the day where we both settled with the notion that we both are on the same wavelength, until one of us brought up a topic about children, out of context.
wifeyD does NOT want kids but I do. Although we both concluded our chat with the whole ‘live our present’ decision, I couldn’t help but ended up thinking about our future all night. I know it’s not like I’m gonna get married with someone I just admitted that I love him but it’s not wrong to think of the future. Given I spent one year holding onto wifeyD’s friendship and finally taking a higher step, it’s too possible for us to end up together, that is after either I move to where he is or he moves to where I will be then.
After a lot of thinking, I finally realized how it’s uneasy to have kids after all. I know it’s a fight but at the same time, it’s not easy to FINALLY have one, let alone two. The kid will be born with two fathers, without a maternal support, and he will be in one of those minorities’ groups in school. The kid would also be seen as beyond normal or abnormal. I know these are all worth fighting for but the huge question lies here: “Am I really ready for a kid in the near future?”. The answer is no.
For the time being, I think I would hold onto something that is promising. If I choose wifeyD, I know I’ll get good things out of it. If I choose a kid with a different gay man, I wouldn’t be sure if the gay man would be as good as wifeyD or whether having a kid would actually be a good idea for me.
Am I a good father? Nobody knows!!!!
Call me a sucker but I got to talk with wifeyD today and we finally have come to a conclusion where we’re both pretty much in love with each other, but this time, both of us admitted. While I took time trying to question myself if I really loved him or not, he took his time getting over his ex. Today just happens to be the day where we both settled with the notion that we both are on the same wavelength, until one of us brought up a topic about children, out of context.
wifeyD does NOT want kids but I do. Although we both concluded our chat with the whole ‘live our present’ decision, I couldn’t help but ended up thinking about our future all night. I know it’s not like I’m gonna get married with someone I just admitted that I love him but it’s not wrong to think of the future. Given I spent one year holding onto wifeyD’s friendship and finally taking a higher step, it’s too possible for us to end up together, that is after either I move to where he is or he moves to where I will be then.
After a lot of thinking, I finally realized how it’s uneasy to have kids after all. I know it’s a fight but at the same time, it’s not easy to FINALLY have one, let alone two. The kid will be born with two fathers, without a maternal support, and he will be in one of those minorities’ groups in school. The kid would also be seen as beyond normal or abnormal. I know these are all worth fighting for but the huge question lies here: “Am I really ready for a kid in the near future?”. The answer is no.
For the time being, I think I would hold onto something that is promising. If I choose wifeyD, I know I’ll get good things out of it. If I choose a kid with a different gay man, I wouldn’t be sure if the gay man would be as good as wifeyD or whether having a kid would actually be a good idea for me.
Am I a good father? Nobody knows!!!!
Listening to: A-Ha – Take on me
No comments:
Post a Comment