Ki'wizz'd

One press conference and one radio interview later with one more radio interview to come, I find myself quite chilled and content at 50th street when I went and gave my poster and CD to the bartenders at 50th street. As I was signing the poster, I could feel someone watching me from the corner of my right eye. Little do I know that he was gonna be my good friend a few hours later.

I might be naïve or pretty lame but I love making friends from pubs. People who talk a lot and a conversation that doesn’t need to be prolonged, it’s just refreshing how one can find such company from a drink or two. Sober I was, I started talking to this guy who was eyeing me signing my poster.

After a few minutes of a good bounce back and forth conversation, I learnt that he’s a Kiwi living the life of ‘Eat Pray and Love’ in Myanmar. Once a trumpeter and now just enjoying his free life as a traveler searching for answers in his life, it was nice to talk about life in general. The conversation got deeper and deeper by the minutes and it was just amazing to see KiwiMan still indulged in spending time talking about life theories. As I kept talking, I started to realize that this was probably the best conversation I’ve had with a guy in a bar and it was quite annoying that he was good looking (VERY good looking) and not gay. He broke up with his wife and I had some break ups in my life. I hated the Julia Roberts movie and he loves it enough to buy himself a dvd.

It was all cool until GermanChick came and she told me how she thought this guy was into me. He’s straight as an arrow but I can’t help wondering what GermanChick was true or not given KiwiMan, maybe due to his drinks, was beginning to get comfortable and started being a bit of a ‘push and shove’r towards the end. And it also sucks that GermanChick was studying us and she said that she could feel like he could be so good for me. The truth is I like him a lot but I just had to keep telling myself that he’s not gay.

Seriously, sometimes it makes me wonder why we all need to label ourselves and is it wrong to like someone regardless of his/her gender through a good conversation?

Listening to: Bjork – Play dead

Biography

So, my album’s finally out. Seeing the huge billboard of me and posters of me made me feel nostalgic of my last album release, which was seven years ago.

The past
As much as I hate to admit it, I was never fond of my past as a singer. I would get embarrassed when people who didn’t know me refer to me as a Myanmar Justin Timberlake or a pop icon. I mean, I think popularity in Myanmar is based on album sales and the shows performed. In all honesty, none of my albums in the past made it big nor I had to sing in a lot of shows. I might be known because I came out as one of the youngest singers in Myanmar during the era where the youngest would be only around the twenties. So, somehow I feel a bit jaded when my friends get the idea that I’m this rockstar who’s released four albums in the past.

The present
I’m proud of this album only because I worked on it on my own. Of course, I had a bit of help from here and there from my friends but everything in this album had to run by my decision to do things or not. It’s all about me as well as I’ve written most of the songs, thus my album being named ‘Biography’. At the risk of sounding like a show off, I’m glad to say that I’m quite proud of this album.

The future
The future looks quite trickily unpredictable. Only because the audience these days have become too educated and curious in more than one genre of music. Before, it used to be one guy who made it big and everyone liking that guy or anyone who can perform like him. However, it seems like a great opportunity to experiment my types of music but at the same time, it’s normal to be nervous, I guess, about the acceptance I might get or not get from the audience.

Nonetheless, what’s done is done and all I need to do is to wait for what’s to come out of this Biography album.

Listening to: Britney Spears – Womanizer

Spotlight theory

The thought of trying to finish a radio show while getting ready for a presentation for the day after seems scary but then again, it’s no use complaining about it. At times, though we all hate it, we gotta use our ‘spotlight’ theory in life.

I named this theory ‘spotlight’ since I derived this theory from a talent show when I was 9. I was asked to perform a song at school by my grandparents, which I was totally fine with. It was all cool until I had to go up the stage and with the spotlight beaming at my face and the audience expecting me to sing a song, it was only useless to chicken out or fail on stage. I felt like running away or crying in the corner fearing that these people will laugh at my performance but then again, me doing that would enable them to laugh at me more and even worse, they would think that I do not have the guts to do it.

Amidst my busy schedule and my fear of not finishing my deliverables on time, I guess applying this theory made me better. I’m already in the middle of a trap so it’s only fair I soldier on no matter how much bad feedbacks I’m gonna get, at least I’ll get respect for trying to break the chains.

Listening to: Massive Attack – Risingson

Diplomacy through a poster

Diplomacy, to me, is just a way to pick out a positive attribute of something/someone to get what you want and to give them what they want at the same time. Sometimes, it’s treated in such a way that people often forget about the simplest solution to diplomacy is forgiveness and avoiding the past to affect the present.

Translator is a good respected employee, I have to admit, and there hasn’t been any meat between her and me. Maybe what she says in meeting affects us all as a whole but somehow I find it hard to hate her or even have a negative feelings towards her.

Knowing I have to give a presentation this Friday in a meeting she leads, I managed to go up to her office to give her my poster for my album. It was nice to be able to talk nice with her again. After all, at the end of day, work shouldn’t affect the way we are towards each other. Maybe she could be this big bitch at work and maybe she has the rights to be but nonetheless, I believe that this should not destroy our friendship. She’s a good lady to be honest.

Gaining diplomacy through a poster and a reunion with an ex staff from my workgroup, I marched home proudly with a knowing that I do NOT let work get in the way of comfort. It’s tough to have passion in what you do when what you do is pretty much decided and judged by several groups. Only fair you don’t get things your way. Why waste time dwelling on one failure when you have more to come and implement.

Listening to: lady Gaga - Judas

Mmm Papi

We all love getting attention while flirting with a cute guy/girl and we all enjoy given the time of day. Keeping sex and exclusivity aside, it’s the phase of butterflies in one’s stomach when we don’t know what’s yet to come or what’s happening in a flirtage between two individuals.

It was all good between GoldFish and me UNTIL he decided that it would be funky to call me ‘Fhay fhay’ (a cute version to call me dad in Burmese). So, whenever he refers to me as ‘fhay fhay’, I am constantly reminded about our age gap of ten years, him being 20 and me being 30. Then, it also reminds me how much cheese the context contains and how I’ve grown out of teenage role plays. To make things worse, when he jokes about making me treat him to dinner or lunch, I feel like I’ve reached the age to become an official sugar daddy for a teen gay boy!

So, if I were to have a huge boner around GoldFish, limpage would totally strike as soon as he calls me ‘fhay fhay’. I am still trying to make him stop calling me that by calling myself ‘ako’ (big brother) and calling him by his name but he still refuses to drop the father-and-son act. Seriously, how will we ever get to have sex if we were supposed to? Or have I got myself engaged in a teenage gay love story, where sex without exclusivity is seen as a sin and the whole constant dependency.

OMG! Kill me now… but then again, if there’s anyone using anyone to an advantage, it’s probably me who’s been getting free radio interviews and media attention via this kid. He he.. who’s the sugar daddy now!!!!

Listening to: Rihanna – What’s my name (feat. Drake)

Hi, my name is Hein and I'm an .....

My uncle is paralyzed from his hips down and I know a lot of people who are diagnosed with HIV. I’m cool with them and I’ve taught myself how to not take them with sympathy but just treat it like a common cold or flu that they have. However, I don’t really know how to react to someone who’s been walking fine around me and younger than me, who’s paralyzed from his hips down and diagnosed with HIV.

My gay friend was diagnosed with HIV a while ago and I am not to know this but I heard from a close friend that in fact he IS diagnosed with HIV. However, I chose to shrug it off until I was confirmed by another friend of mine, who has nothing to do with the first friend. So, my gay friend has HIV.

He’s in the hospital now because he drank too much until the point that his brain cells could not really respond to anything for his legs. He also said it was because of the weather as well. So, the past few days, I’ve been waking up early and taking shower without the heater on, drinking after work, coming back home at 3am to take shower without heater again.

So, in order to avoid the risk of a possible brain hemmorage (like my dad) and paralysis (like my friend) in the future, I think it’s about time I do not binge-do things anymore. It’s just so scary if you think about it….

Listening to: Fool’s Garden - Suzy

Illusional throne

This kid called GoldFish added me on facebook sometime ago. I thought he was cute and judging from his pics, I knew he works in a radio station. GoldFish arranged an interview for me with his radio station today and it was weird to be a public figure again.

I tried so hard to maintain my manner and to be superficially and phoney fair but it didn’t work. Polite, yes I was but neutral, I was not. I was highly opinionated and quite honest about things I answered. It was a very relaxed and simple interview so it wasn’t that bad.

During the water festival, I blogged about how this media dude was pissed off with me. I was glad to find out that I was not the only one. He also called KP and KC to sing at his mandat (stage) but both of them didn’t go, without contacting him back. I guess the media dude got frustrated and kinda just had a spazz attack at me.

It’s one thing to be the most respected one and to be on top but once you start to lose seeing the ground, that’s when you have to know you have to get back down to figure your way or else you’ll get lost on top. I don’t know what the media dude expected but given things have totally developed in the music industry with existence of contracts and legal issues involved, it’s not desirable to make someone come and perform on your stage after one day of notice pro bono. My reason was because I did not want to perform before my album gets out. I didn’t mind performing pro bono or the short notice.

With the type of people who are kind and respectful and professional like the guys at the radio station, it’s not that long now until the media dude can easily lost his throne. Tough luck but there’s no such thing as ‘number 1’ in life. Knowing you’re number 1 is the day you actually lose track of everything in life and start to decline your way down.

Listening to: Jason Mraz – You and I both

Reminders

Sometimes, we gotta remind ourselves of those things we have forgotten which had happened in the past that had made so much impact but somehow got lost somewhere between now and then.

I haven’t been talking much to my grandmother for so long since I’ve been pretty depressed at home and kinda sick about how everything we talked about as a family was of my career. Talking about my album as soon as I come back from work or before I go to work is just intolerable at times. However, it was her birthday today and this was the first ever time I treated my grandparents and my uncle to a dinner. It felt good to see my grandma so happy as she finished three glasses of wine with a ciggie halfway, which I’ve never seen happened before. She was having fun.

It’s weird how LKing from Sydney was in Yangon with his girlfriend, MissL. It’s just even weirder that LKing and I have never ever been so closed when we were in uni but somehow after talking to his girlfriend, MissL, I found out how he likes me and it was sweet that he chose to contact me while he was on a holiday trip to Myanmar. I hung out with him and his other friend he came to Myanmar with and discovered how I’ve been totally not comfortable with hanging out with those who are actually nice to me. I don’t really know why I have never talked more to LKing. Despite the fact that we both are from the nerdy IT department, which means 60% of the students don’t click with me, LKing was nowhere near any nerds I know. Honest and cynically funny and really kind, I couldn’t think why I’ve never made more than a ‘hello’ and ‘bye’ talks with him. It was nice to have drinks with him as I was reminded of how I nearly lost good friends if it wasn’t for this catch up.

While drinking at 50th street with LKing, I managed to make new friends and whenever those girls gave me true compliments like ‘you’re cute’, I get reminded of how I’ve never accepted that. It’s true anyone can just chuck a ‘you’re cute’ and it can be phoney as well but these girls were really indulged in their own conversation at first. Given I was nasty and dirty minded, some even gave me weird looks. Somehow along the end of the night, they have accepted me and came to agreement that I’m cute and that they wanted to hang out more with me.

It’s amazing how one’s memory works. All these things I was reminded of today have always been in my head but somehow I have chosen to forget it or never thought about it. Having a good family, good friends and a good person as myself, these three are the things I’ve managed to ignore most of the time I’ve been dramatizing and feeling sorry about myself.

Listening to: John Mayer – Stop this train

Seeing double

It’s true I’ve been seeing a lot of gay guys lately around me and it’s true I’ve been getting attention and compliments from them but they come with company. Whenever I see a gay guy I could start a conversation with, it won’t be that long until I see another guy with him.

Afterwork drink has never been this fun at 50th street. Anybody who’s anybody was there. I guess it was the revival after the new year’s holidays that made most of the expats I know to be present. Strange thing was how there were a couple of gay men as well. It’s not everytime I went to 50th street that I see one gay guy, let alone more than one. KingB was there but I had much more fun talking about aliens with his boyfriend, who needs a name in my blog now. KingT would be good. KingT and I were talking about things I would normally talk about only when I get high. The Israeli crew was there as well with two-four gay men with them.

As I’ve mentioned before, they were all in even numbers. It’s not that bad to be honest but I’m not sure what the universe is trying to tell me. Are all good gay men taken? Am I to not ever hope for any gay man to be my significant other? Does this mean I’m gonna find my ‘one’ soon? If God created signs, why could he not have created something simpler for the recipients to understand the signs or who/what is giving them? That would’ve made things so much easier.

Listening to: Danity Kane – Damaged

History repeated

Call it co-incidence but somehow, Jersualem’s hindu chanting that can be understood by the universe to attract men and health has been working 50%, given I’ve been getting a lot of positive feedbacks from men but not the wealth but it’s not like I wanted wealth as much as I wanted men.

Yesterday night, my friend who I became friends with during Thingyan, who came back from the States a week ago, MissHeart, told me how she was trying to get the stuffs back from the male model we met during Thingyan and he said he would give it to me. Ok, what was that about? He could’ve given to Mich who he’s closer with. So, am I to meet this dude again? Then, we got this guy who I tried to sleep with on Sunday but ended up not and pushing him away from me to sleep (the night I lost my mojo) telling me how he loves my eyes and my forehead. Not to mention, he is STILL talking to me non-stop. This cutie who works in the radio station added me as well and talked to me the whole afternoon despite my busy schedule at work.

The most interesting attention I got was from Dumov. Yes, if you remember, I did blog about him a couple of days ago. My former ex-datee, who used to be my friend and still is, talked about breaking up with his boyfriend last few weeks ago. Of course I didn’t ask him to and even if I were in Sydney, I wouldn’t be able to lead him onto breaking up.

Well, they broke up and Dumov, as awkward as always, stated “Now, I can flirt with you.” on facebook today. It was no harm since I wasn’t in Sydney but I was there to talk a bit with him, half flirt and half care. Dumov and I had some weird history like the day we both drank Bourbon at his place. This was when he was with his boyfriend back then. We had drinks and I ended up sleeping with him on his bed. No kisses but cuddles. He woke up guilty the next morning, to which I assured him nothing happened and that I rather his boyfriend doesn’t know this, given it’s nothing to worry about. We still kept in touch and we would normally hang out a couple of times.

The truth? I do like him. I’m kinda glad I’m not in Sydney at the moment cos things could get real dangerous if I were.

Listening to: REM – Imitation of life

Judging women

I thought going drinking on a Wednesday seems wrong enough until I see my colleague. I’m not talking about the UN colleague but someone who works in the same music industry as I do.

LadyLove was one of those contest winning uprising diva in Myanmar. She surprised me the first time with her ability to look as hot as a model and sing awesome at the same time but she disappointed me with her choice of songs, which were all soppy and Celine Dion-ish; it made her look like a drag queen in music videos whereas her face would look perfect with Lady Gaga genre.

She’s a firm relationship holder, has a male model boyfriend, as good looking as she does and they’re pretty much in love. Tonight, I saw her with my other French loser friend. Ok, maybe I was wrong to think of them as a couple. The vibe she was giving me was a bit too hard to not judge her. She looked uneasy, didn’t talk much, saw me, smiled at me and left the bar immediately.

So, I might be wrong assuming she was there with the French loser but then again, seeing them two come together and them leaving right after she saw me and gave the awkward smile was just too hard to not assume they were together.

Calmly thinking, she might’ve had a quarrel with her boyfriend who might have cheated on her. It’s true, isn’t it, how when men cheat, it seems too ok but as soon as the chicks start cheating on the guy, she gets judged. Are we siding the male species too much or are we treating them as handicaps as a lower intelligent gender. I believe in equality but we all gotta admit there are different levels of goodness and badness in both genders. I’m a male siding the females now anyways. So, it’s harmless?

Listening to: Brandy – Have you ever

Words

”One word breaks the code of silence, silence tells me all the things I need to know, one word, one word tells me all the things I need to know.” – Kelly Osbourne

“Today is the last day I’m using words, they’ve gone out, lost their meaning, don’t function anymore” – Madonna

I was so intrigued with what Jersualem taught me yesterday. She gave me two words which she repeats 108 times per day and apparently, these two happen to be the words understood by the universe and it will give you back good things in return. She kept going “I know it’s stupid” but the fact is I’ve been doing rosary beads for like six years in a row now.

In Buddhism, we have 108 stringed rosary beads, with which we use to repeat some prayers in “Pali” language. There are altogether nine phrases in the routine I choose to do and my grandma recently bought me a book that has definitions for each phrase. I have yet to read that. However, I know that these phrases mean good intentions. So, for example, there’s one called “Arahan” and let’s just say it means “Good health to all”. The fact that this is repeated several times occupies your head and you have NOTHING to think of but to wish good health to all. A human’s mind is just so strong and doing rosary beads would be the only moment where we are allowed to cleanse it off by not thinking bad things for once. That’s why I don’t really believe in 100% optimism. Even mother tereesa would have greed in wishing others well. Honestly, Buddhism is just difficult to maintain and it’s more of a philosophy to get through life in a very mediocre way.

This also makes me think about how strong words are. Due to the difference in culture, we somehow have different levels of sensitivity. Myanmar people usually get defensive and Italians usually have a relaxed personality to words being spoken. However, I do think that no matter how much tolerant we are to words spoken, we DO react to it no matter if it’s true or not. So, you tell a gossip to this one dude who doesn’t believe in things. He would shrug it off and tell you he doesn’t care but at the back of his mind, he would have those words in repetition if he should choose to remember it. I’m pretty sure that even if we choose to forget or ignore comments, we still have it at the back of our heads.

The Bible has words that tells stories. A politician tells a lie to make others kill each other to fight for the so called truth. A school rumor can get a teacher fired. However, do we really say it all? Are we allowed to express ourselves to the level of others actually understanding it the way we want them to? I know of only ONE way to conquer such mess and I’ve been practicing it for a couple of years now. It’s not always successful since it’s so hard to win over my mind with my heart but I try not to give it up. It’s being open minded.

I guess only an open mind can keep us in peace without any doubts or greed of wanting to see things the way we want to by interchanging what was actually said.

Listening to: Madonna – Bedtime story

Hava Na Gila

A Jewish Passover lasts 8 days actually but in Israel, it’s only seven days. Well, in Isreali Embassy, it was four hours of awesome feasting with Gin & Tonic.

Every year, Jewish peeps have this Passover to celebrate God freeing the Jewish people from slavery in Egypt led by the Prophet himself, Moses. (By the way, I used to have a friend called Moses and it creeps me out whenever I have to say his name for some reason). I was invited by my friend, X, who happens to be a Myanmar Jewish chick with an American accent, to this Passover. Not having slept the night before, I was totally not in the mood but I was tempted to go just because it was a special invite, where I had to seriously RSVP. Yep, the whole ‘security procedure’ for any events held in an embassy. I had to strip my belt and shoes and empty my pockets to get into the entrance. If only the security guard had been cuter, I would’ve stripped more for him or asked him how to strip as a precautious manual to ‘properly strippage’.

I find it quite hilarious that I went there with my German friend, GermanChick, and was seated next to X and two gay couples. I kinda got used to the awesomeness of the event as soon as I laid my eyes on both the gay couples. Both were just so hot. One Myanmar dude with his German husband and a Jewish dude with his Thai husband. Actually, I’ve always had this major crush on the Myanmar gay dude, KingB. So, it was nice when he tried to sit near me but GermanChick insisted that she was my date, and not him.

I love learning about new culture and this feast was just so cute. I love how the Jewish people relive the history by reciting parts of the Bible and suddenly breaking into a song. It got more interesting when the Ambassador started to sing “Hava Na Gila” with me after the feast. I was kinda brushing up on my Hebrew ‘hrrr’s as well.

I was kinda glad in a very teenage girl way when KingB asked me what I do. When he found out I work in the UN by day and sometimes go to studios by night for my radio show or my album, he gave me this ‘wow’ expression and I got a proper goodnight kiss from him as well. I love him and his boyfriend together but somehow any teenage girl could swoon to Justin Beiber even if he’s with Selena Gomez. *swoons*

Listening to: Sheryl Crow – Can’t cry anymore

Dream cell number

UK Daily Mail stated how this dude called David Brown found Mitchell Kitson via a phone number he’s received from a dream. Five years ago, this dude had a mobile number in his head after he woke up from a dream, to which he called. It belongs to Mitchell and he messaged her and she messaged back and before you know it, he became his wife.

So, there’s a bit of an annoying analogy to this story. What if Mitchell was not supposed to be his wife but just a girl who he happened to randomly messaged on the phone? Or what if the whole ‘getting the number of your future wife in your dream’ was true? The latter sounds fancier anyways and I’m sure you, me or UK Daily Mail would rather have that side of the story mentioned.

Now, I had a dream. Dream experts say that we remember things from dreams because we wake up during the whole REM moment. So basically, this is when you wake up WHILE dreaming. So, here’s the dream.

I was sitting at a table with some dudes. Hein Wai Yan (some cheesy Myanmar actor) and Nay Toe (another Myanmar actor) were one of the people at the round table. Hein Wai Yan was HOT in my dream though and we started flirting. He gave me his number, to which I replied ‘dude, this is a dream. I’ll forget it soon. Why don’t you write it on me so I’ll remember when I wake up?’. But then, I realized how writing on me might not really help me see the number on me when I wake up so I told him I’ll memorize it. He helped me memorize it too. It was either 430 1211 or 470 1211. (cell phone) Then, Nay Toe asked me to prove that I was dreaming. So, I did and at that instant I opened my eyes wide to the bedroom I was sleeping in with the number fresh in my memory, though the whole two possible numbers thing happened an hour after I woke up, thanks to not writing it down as soon as I woke up.

I had drinks with my girlfriends and I told them about this dream and Jsquare tried both the numbers and both of them are NOT available. I guess this does not make me another a David Brown but I couldn’t stop thinking what if my Mitchell was not actually from Myanmar and it’s a number in some other country??? Stay tuned, folks.. Maybe and JUST maybe my future boyfriend might have this number..

Listening to: Hoobastank – The reason

Washed clean

In some towns in Italy, it is considered normal to shove large household items out the window on New Years’ eve. In Greece, they throw a pomegrantate over a doorway to spread the seeds of good luck. In Brazil, the color of the underwear worn on NYE represents what’s to come in the new year; yellow for prosperity, pink for love and white for happiness/peace. In Myanmar, we throw water at each water to rinse off the dirt that has been lingering among us in the past year and to start a fresh clean new year.

While these facts make us think how would Italians travel safely under apartments at night or whether Brazilians can pick up more on NYE whilst asking for the color of the underwear the other is wearing, it makes me think about how peculiarly I can relate myself to these things.

First of all, dropping a heavy object off my window would require a selfish person who wouldn’t think about any bad shit that could happen to the household items or to anyone who can easily be victimized by a flying piece of furniture. Selfishness is one big thing I’ve gained this year. Overdozed on pleasing people, I find it quite relevantly useful to start doing whatever I like, not caring about how others are gonna react to what I do. Second, while the Greeks place a fruit in their doorway, I’ve placed two fruits out my doorway. It’s not that I do not appreciate two men I virtually flirted with but it’s just been eating me too much to be hung up on them. So, two fruits out my doorway, the door isn’t locked but the ball’s in their court.

As the Thingyan (Myanmar water festival) water wet my underwear, me not caring about the color on it, I spent the last day of the new year festival saga dripping wet and smiling imagining that somehow my dirty laundry has been washed clean.

Listening to: John Mayer – Split screen sadness

Men and their chase

Dogs chase after their own tails as an attention seeker. It’s not that they would not the value of entertainment that comes with the response but the fact that it creates a response makes them do it most of the times. However, the chase in our lives are just so ignorant and mainly recognized only when not processed.

So, I’m screwed. It’s true that any singer would love to sing during water festival and any singers would be chasing for that big opportunity. An offer from one of the two big famous magazine editors (think Myanmar Vogue although both are not really into fashion) would be ideal for any uprising superstar who hasn’t got anywhere to perform. I, on the other hand, having a proper office work, decided to take some time off during water festival and kinda ignored his offer. So, the chase got sour and he said he will not want to have to do anything with me since no celebrities have ever said ‘no’ to him. I understand it’s kinda rude but seriously, it’s not like I’m gonna get paid and I am not really looking forward to ‘working’ during water festival. Singers are not robots; they can refuse or accept the offer. And it’s funnier how these Myanmar wants democratic element in the society when they themselves are so fused with the whole leadership syndrome. I don’t know. I love my career as a singer but seriously I can’t be fucked ball licking big shots to get attention.

Speaking of attention, one guy at the mandate caught my attention. He’s a model slash uprising actor, who has been in music videos directed by Mich. It’s one thing to not know if he swings my way or not and it’s another when he gives me so much attention and instantly click. Myanmar guys are just so gay at times no matter how much of a rug eater they actually are. Holding hands, easy touches and instant continuous deep conversations; if I were in a gay bar, a person with those three qualities would either be my ‘guy to fuck’ or a boyfriend. Given I’m not in much mood for desperately finding out his sexual preference, I just had fun appreciating this eye candy. He did have a couple of girls chasing after him anyways.

On yet another ‘chasing’ files, guess who emailed me. BooMan and wifeyD, both on the same day, have managed to populate my inbox with a ‘where are you’ and ‘you’re still on my mind’ emails. Here I am giving up on these two and just enjoying my view of this gorgeous model at the mandate and there they are, trying to initiate yet another round of chase.

Well, truth be told, I’d hate to be the chaser now and I rather be a chasee. Despite men’s best friend likes to chase to get a reaction out of men, we, men, on the other hand, like to chase when there’s no reaction at all. One little gap in the chasing communication thread, big influence it has on the chasers. Men… still a mystery!!!

Listening to: Fat Boy Slim - Demons

My best friend

It’s not easy how to actually write this blog entry as I have been dragged back and forth from different friends groups again. It somehow does make me wonder what I want out of friendship: my happiness or do I have to pretend like someone I’m not to succumb to their personalities?

Today, I went and watched my best friend perform with his punk band on a stage on the first day of our Myanmar new year, Thingyan. I met up with my other best friend who’s also the best friend of the performing best friend. I ended up hanging out with secondary casual ladies friends and guilty as charged, it was way more fun than I could’ve imagined my day with my other two best friends.

It was only fair that I do not bug my best friend who was performing since he was busy on stage and he and I both have a mutual understanding about how both of us couldn’t spend time with each other and given I was at his house the night before until around 11pm, I’m sure he would find it only fair that I enjoyed my day. On the other hand, my other best friend, sadly, couldn’t stay without getting offended easy. I guess it’s his childhood growing up as a white boy in a Myanmar neighbourhood but somehow it’s just way too easy for him to become defensive at anything.

On a stage crowded with people dancing their asses off, I find it quite normal to have a hand coming at me from different angles, which I would just laugh at. Being 30 this year, I found it hard to turn my fingers into fist to throw a punch at the dude who has offended my best friend. I pushed my best friend back with all my weight and I reminded him several times that we are here to have fun, to which he answered “He hit me first”. There, I had it! I let him go and I stopped one of my girlfriends from stopping him. It’s his life and that’s his choice. I respect that.

I was bummed out actually. A dad with an amazing wife and a kid, I’d thought my best friend would come to realization that it’s better for him to not even have started this fight on a stage crowded with twenty somethings.

I kept dancing with my girlfriends and tried not to worry about my best friend. A part of me felt guilty but I couldn’t stop thinking this was the best thing I’ve done. I guess I was not there to help him and I couldn’t be able to qualify as a good punch thrower but I gave him what I could. An honest feedback. To me, it’s immature to start fights, let alone starting a fight from nothing.

Listening to: The Vines – In the jungle

Partypooper inc.

Why is it such hard work to get my friends together? First of all, I do agree that Thingyan is nothing exciting but I find this as an excuse to hang out with friends. While on a joint at KP’s house, I got so pissed off thinking about how fucked up this whole day has been to actually lure CalendarLady to join us to watch KP perform on his Thingyan stage.

My best friend’s wife, CalendarLady, who’s like a big sis to me, has always been someone I look up to for her confidence. Somehow today, I found it quite weird that she was looking for all these excuses to not join us to have fun. To make things worse, we have this one dude who seemed so enthusiastic to go together to this thing the night before partypooping her not to go. The weather is hot. Not all the people have tickets. Well, fuck you very much given you were way too fucking enthusiastic the night before.

Relaxed at KP’s house, I sighed frustration about the society in Myanmar. It’s just full of anxiety and insecurities. I admit I’m one of them as well but I do make sure I do not drift in this sea of wet blankets, who can’t seem to keep themselves happy.

I don’t see any point in this and I don’t know why people want to do such things but somehow, people in Myanmar are too hooked up on what others are doing and how others are living their lives. Heavy thinkers seem to forget the simple joy of saying a huge ‘yes’ and ‘no’ for any offers they’re given.

You don’t wanna go somewhere? Don’t show enthusiasm.
You don’t want your friends to go? You’re a fucktard
You want to straighten things out for others? Don’t waste your time….

Listening to: Air – Universal Traveller

Assumptive confidence

Thank God for half day of work, I had some time to take a nap before I zoomed off to Steve’s place to play water with our other friends. We were a bit late and we ended up just going over to KP’s Thingyan stage for soundcheck. Then, we went to Ginki Kid and met up with Mich and her other friends and then back to KP’s house for some drinks.

Emotional rollercoaster all the way, CalendarLady was not in the mood to mingle much with KP’s wife. As a third listener, I find it quite hard to tell who’s right or wrong and even harder that the whole thing got awkward between my best friends. CalendarLady thinks KP’s wife is finding it awkward to hang with them. She didn’t want to be KP’s groupy. Steve and I found this quite hard, given KP was our best friend and this was an assumptive hiccup between their wives.

I only have two words which would describe the whole situation: confidence and assumptions. Things were getting out of control only because feelings among ourselves are effected by assumptions made and our confidence somehow enhances these assumptions to a whole new level until we forget what’s right or wrong.

I was annoyed by everything but just more annoyed that I couldn’t figure out what’s right or wrong.

Listening to: Oasis – The hindu times

Monday madness

Spotted. Nope, this ain’t the Gossip Girl but I was spotted by DoubleA, his wife and my buddy from Australia who’s in Myanmar for a while, MK, at Coffee Circle, at my first ever blind date with a Myanmar guy at Coffee Circle. It was funny but I do feel a bit embarrassed when they have to find out about my blind date without me telling them beforehand.

The date went well and he wasn’t the crème de la crème but somehow, I could use him for a few hook ups before I settle in Australia (hopefully). However, given I have lots of ingrown scars on my chest and tummy after having waxed my whole upper body, I find it a bit too hard to get into bed with a guy. Just not yet.

After the date, I got a message from GermanChick to hit 50th street. It wasn’t like a Monday at all. I messaged DoubleA to join us since they were thinking of sending MK to 50th street and given this was the last day it’s opened for until the end of Thingyan, I told them to come right away. On the other hand, my friend from ISY, who I never used to hang out with before but knew her because of her mother being my grandmother’s friend, was there as well and we had some good talk. Biker was back from his visa trip and he was talking fine with me again and he let me plug my Ipod to DJ for the rest of the night. YMT joined with the other gang and a normal Monday night ended up with us getting wet from water playing as a pre-Thingyan thing, me kissing two gorgeous cougars and one hot chick and getting drunk on 7 Jagameister shots.

Listening to: Portishead – The rip

Men on a mission

I couldn’t help being happy in the morning whilst staring at my moisturized feet and I guess it was one of those times where you have to make a decision to stick to for the rest of your life. I’ve always loved beauty and I’ve always been a huge fan of hygiene. It’s only fair enough that I get to pamper myself and take care of myself as much as I can.

So, being a bit selfish this weekend, I thought it was time to catch up with DoubleA and his wife, JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO and not because I have to. After the whole KP drama with his wife and given CalendarLady finds it too comfortable to opinionate about them, I find it quite appropriate to avoid trouble by clinging onto my other friends, who simply have nothing to do with them.

I caught up with other friends as well but YMT got to Coffee Circle only around 10pm. Now, YMT used to be DoubleA’s wife’s boyfriend and I find it truly peaceful and awesome that DoubleA and his wife are friends with him. Of course it took a lot of time to reach that comfort zone but somehow I respect the three of them for at least appreciating and respecting what they all got.

YMT, on the other hand, surprises me each and every time. It seems like he and I have a bit in common. I mean, fine we might not have a LOT in common but given he’s known as this straight player man who’s filthy rich and me, being a monogamous freak who is struggling hard to be rich again, it’s only fair that a small amount of things in common we have between us is quite blogworthy.

Both of us likes Sex and the City and kinda watch it therapeutically, for different reasons. Me, to learn more about men, and him, to learn how to be a good/smart man. Then, I found out that YMT was not a spoilt rich brat. He was before admittedly but he’s one of those people who’s not afraid to learn and progress on in life to find comfort in sanity. Guessing from his conversations, YMT is more than happy to have a good life with good friends.

Welcome to my life. Growing up at a worKPlace where every nutjobs’ goal was to apple polish my grand-dad when I was five, I yearn for quality ‘good’ people and a good deserved life. YMT and I are just two different people on the same wavelength with the same mission in life.

Listening to: System Of A Down – Roulette

A day with myself

Waking up at Steve’s place after reading a message about how KP was asking me to keep their stuffs for them to pick up later and knowing they were supposed to be sleeping at 6am in the morning, I was shocked after I found out, four hours later, that KP and his wife had a row at Steve’s place around 3am and both had left. I guess this is something we can’t do anything about.

Talking to Steve’s wife, CalendarLady, was educational. CalendarLady is like a big sister to me and she’s always been so confident in her own little world and quite happy with what she’s got. Not a fan of drama, she manages to lead a good life with a caring husband and an adorable son. Not a crowd pleaser but often called upon for advices, she was the Dalia Lama of our friends society.

She took me to Phoenix where we both had facial and pedicure. I even ended up waxing my whole upper body. Painful and semi bruised, I was more than happy that I got to pamper myself today and somehow managed to do what I want to to myself.

Fuck dinnering with a friend who came back from Bangkok; fuck trying to find out if KP was ok; fuck thinking about where to go drink for a Saturday night; fuck trying to give a demo CD to a friend of mine in time. As much as they do seem important to me, I deserve a day to myself. I came home early ignoring every phone calls and put on episodes of Sex and the City while I rubbed my smooth chest and smiled to myself about having done what I have most deserved. Happiness.

Listening to: Silverchair – World upon your shoulders

The UN kid

I thought it was funny how I got a job in UN, but it was no surprise for Steve. It’s funny but when my close friend, Steve, utters several phrases from his mouth, it’s quite hard to ignore them since he’s not the type who likes to open his mouth unless it’s extremely needed. So, whatever he says has to be true on a 80:20 ratio for possibly true is to assumption.

According to Steve and KP, I found out that I was the social head in our friendship circle. Three of us agreed that we were all survivors of a bad past and pretty messed up childhood. Steve had to struggle his life in a discriminating neighbourhood of a different color and race. KP survived through his childhood with every lessons learnt through either a fist or a quarrel. I, on the other hand, grew up around diplomacy and superficiality.

Steve and I mentioned about how we’re all too influenced by such things from the past to the point that no matter how much we’re aware of its influence as we grow up, our reactions rely on that influence way before we allow ourselves to let it take over our decisions. Like it or not, knowing superficiality isn’t that cool, I somehow would subconsciously strike the most superficial maneuver without me knowing I did it, only to find out that I’ve done it once I was aware of avoiding to do it.

Life is an uphill climb and as Steve, KP and I keep climbing, we noticed life would always be a huge struggle and it’s rather wise to keep learning as we go while being aware of the pain life can bring. Like how waxing does not hurt a person after several visits, we think it’s right to move on with a built in knowledge that life is in fact gonna throw us more bad shit our way. All because we all can’t help who we’ve become but we can give time to solve it out in the end somehow.

So, yeah.. I finally came to terms about the obviousness of working for the UN. I, in fact, am the most diplomatic and social person of the three of us. Like it or not, my superpower is diplomacy and my weakness is the ground I stand on. Yet somehow, those two balance my everyday life to be who I am, which is pretty much loved by most at this point and that I have no issues with. I’m happy just the way I am.

Listening to: Pat Boone – April Love

Bottom = handicapped straight men?

I don’t know how this started but as I was talking with my gay colleague about the fact that I’m a bottom and everyone (yes, I’m not exaggerating) I’ve dated end up thinking I’m a top. Not to be modest, even gay friends have always thought I’m a top. So, I got this top face. For those of you who don’t know what I’m blogging about, if sex was work, a top would be the employer and the bottom would be the employee but instead of employ, they fuck.

So, I did this experiment where I asked my mysterious gtalk gay friends, who miraculously appear out of nowhere, if I look like a top or a bottom. Most of them ended up saying versatile. (That’s when you have an employee who’s allowed to employ others as well) However, the term that followed next intrigues me. You look like a man.

Am I missing something out or isn’t the word ‘gay’ related with men anymore? This is not about Myanmar or slow developing lifestyles in third world countries since I’ve been told this when I was in Sydney by a none Asian, let alone none Myanmar person. Can’t gay men be guys? I do love my Adam’s apple and my armpit hair while I could shop for the pointiest black shiny shoes while grabbing the latest “Eau De Parfum” from Christian Dior.

Speaking of bottom, I just watched some episodes of “Sex and the City” where Charlotte was married to this guy who couldn’t get it up. He could wank but it goes soft before he penetrates his wife. Sounds familiar? That’s me. I used to think it’s the condom that keeps me unfocused about my stiff level but I remember dry humping or performing frottage to some guys and flopping halfway through.

They say good sex derives from the right mindset. My friends call me the “Samantha” of Myanmar, a ho, a slut, a trashwhore and a player. But, do they really know this Samantha finds it real hard to get himself hard in order to top a guy. And this gives me an idea if I am gay because I can’t get stiff for an opening.

God did create men but can’t he be consistent about the level of stiffness for all of us? I knew God had always been on weed while creating us. You don’t believe me? Have sex with me and you’ll know!

Listening to: Bruno Mars – Count on me

Gay bait

What I’ve noticed from gay men in Myanmar is how they haven’t come to terms with the word ‘gay’. Not only are they afraid to let people know they’re gay but they’re also afraid to not let go of any men to add on facebook, who they think attract them.

I don’t mean to brag but I got some guys adding me on facebook and at an instance, I could tell whether they eat rug or suck sausage. How? Mutual friends. My limit is three; three gay men in our mutual friends list and I’m convinced they’re gay.

So, this is the second time I’ve been asked if I have a girlfriend. Ok, first of all, why ask a silly question? I’m not the one to put straight statuses on facebook, not to mention my two cents in the left corner of ‘info’ has the word ‘glitter’ on it. I have pics of me kissing girls but they’re usually followed by astonishments or just horrid comments about how I’ve converted to kissing fish tacos owners. Second, why hide? So, the convo goes nowhere. You got a man who’s accepted your add and carefully patiently answering whatever bullshit that you’re throwing and the last thing you would wanna do is gay bait.

Gay bait – an act of trying to come up with a few topics in a conversation to check whether the other guy is straight or gay. Me knowing this, I love to cocktease them more. So, I answer accordingly and pay no extra details in answering. “Have you got a girlfriend?” “No” “Why not?” “cos I’m single” You see, the main attraction of a guy for me is courage. If they’re gonna be pussies about finding out if I like muffs or bite pillows, they’ll have to try harder than this.. way harder.

Listening to: System Of A Down – Lonely day