Spontaneous Much?

Speaking of spontaneous, today after I came back from gym, I hung out with Dancer. I can't believe she was back and she was at the gym. It was great to hang out with her though and while I was drinking with her at the Roundhouse, Footieboy came up to me to ask me if I could sing for their team which consists of Germanboy and Wind. I know this sounds insane but I would never say no for Wind, so I agreed to participate at 10pm at the Rege for some rounds of 'rock band'. I went over to Footieboy's house for some rehearsal though and that was quite worth it.

We sang "Creep" and my score was 92% for a 'expert' singstar. I was impressed and I guess I did good for the team. For the final, we were one of the final three groups and we had to sing any of the ACDC songs. This was when I had to bail out and made Footieboy's girlfriend sing instead and boy, was I glad I asked her to come. We won the two hundred dollars bar tab and we were pretty happy about it. I was just glad I got to win something that just came outta spontaneousity.

I love hanging out with the Dancer by the way. I'm glad that she and I could finally chat and get to know each other. Bless!

Music: Jack Johnson - Upside Down

FINALLY

I had sex.... thank mother nature for such orgasm existence!!!

O Week Begins

Med Revue O Week Stall was awesome. There were so many hot guys in uni. I remember, when I first came to uni, it was full of fobby asians and bad looking europeans. Racist much? Well, let me get it straight.. there are good looking asian boys... but most of them hides in commerce department. And for some reason, when I first came to Sydney and came to UNSW, I stumble into bad looking people. They must've been good pesronalitywise but you know me.. I always like to look at things from a 'metro cosmopolitan' point of view. We're in that age after all.. Faux pas richness and cheap class is so IN.

So, yes... apparently, words are out that Hein made hot boys sign up for med revue. In fact I even put little stars beside their names and made sure their emails are legible. Some handwritings were just so horrible. A good looking man can have the most twig like handwriting. But at the same time, little do some people know that I was also putting stars on First year med kids. It IS med revue after all!

I've become so attached to Lockgirl. It's nice to know that she's always been around me since she got back. She was always there for me as well. And not only that, Souljah Girl was there today too telling me her goss. I love her for always telling me stuffs about her little itsy goss. Such goss whores we both make. The twins came to the stall as well. Now, these are the people I just ooze out with excitement when they're around. It was a sweet day since a lot from last year med revue were there. Last year's ex producers were there... three of them.. and one of them will be there shortly sometimes this week. Puff and Aliyah made detours from their little yellow shirt rounds. LilKitten was there too. In fact, she was there the whole day. Our producers were there too and the one that's in yellow shirt; she would always come whenever she has the time and I find that quite sweet. And Hornyman was there to give us prep talks; god, I love med revue crowd.

Eggplantbaby made the best medrevue bands I've seen and it was so cute to see Broommaster all excited. I am SO happy I'll be choreographing with her. The OWeek Revue went well. I was glad to see a lot of people that I talked to from the stall showed up. It was a good feeling. It wasn't easy for me to perform since I was half naked on stage hitting high notes but I got positive feedbacks. Some row of hot boys passed me by and some of them told me my voice was tops. Awww, instant turn on moment!!!

Today was a good day. It was all worth the sweat and tiredness I went through. I am a happy man. My life is almost in ruins but happiness always lurks somehow from an unexpected corner at times :D

On another 'good' note, I stalked this guy from capuerra club who looks SO HOT in my opinion. I call him the cat guy cos it was too easy to spot him since he was always walking with the this cat. Stalk much? Check these pics out :D

Music: Hoku - You First Believed

Locked IN

So, one of my friends got back from Malaysia today. I was glad she messaged me. Despite her new number, I knew straight away that it was her and we decided to meet up. Excited I was, I ran along and reached the exit of my flat when I realized that I couldn't get out. I turned the lock knob and I couldn't open the door. The door was jammed and I was locked in. This was 11pm.

11:15 pm
I started panicking and I thought of people to call. I had this idea that if I slipped my keys under the door, anyone from outside could use that key to open the door from outside. I thought of NeighbourFB. He's one of my shagbuddies and he lives just downstairs. Unfortunately, I couldn't find his number so I had to call Babylet since he has NFB's number. I called NFB straight away and it was some guy who wasn't him. Babylet gave me the number of another dude with the same name as NFB. I know I should be panicking but I just kept on laughing. Later, I found my planner book where I have NFB's number and I called him but he was at work and working as a bar manager, it was only fair that he couldn't come to my rescue.

11:20pm
You gotta love friends like Boob. I put my facebook status as "Heiny locked himself in" and he messaged going what happened. He asked me how it happened and the chat went like this.

me: I have no idea but I can't turn the knob.
Boob: lol all poofs can turn a knob.
Hmm.. gotta love supportive bestbuddies.

11:30 pm
My friend, who was supposed to meet up with me, the one from Malaysia and the one who was homesick, reached my place. It's funny how I was supposed to help her not be homesick and she ended up helping me out. I flipped the key under the door and made her open it. Fail! Just ridiculously funny.

11:45 pm
There was no choice left and I called a 24 hour locksmith. While waiting for him, my friend from Malaysia and I chatted over my door. We even put this piece of paper to write on. I had a pen and she didn't so she just creased over the papaer while I wrote down things. So yes my neighbours were having sex and it was loud and she could hear them. Great!!! Oh, have I mentioned my conversation with the locksmith was somewhat hilarious. I couldn't stop laughing. Thank god he didn't think it was a joke.

12:04am
The locksmith came and god it was hard. He just kept on turning things. I ended up unscrewing the knob as well.

2 am
It was all over. Got a new doorknob. It's not a knob anymore. It is a turnkeyhole now. It costed me a bit of fortune but I am just glad I could get outta this or else I'd be absent for my performance today.. in the afternoon...

And my friend... from now on, I'm gonna call her the "Lockgirl".

Music: Madonna - One More Chance

Put Your Money where Your Mouth Is

Working in Jayjays would change a lot now. Cos our 'really in the zone' manager's gonna go to Eastgardens and we're gonna have a substitute manager. I don't mean to be biased but our last manager was one of the best managers I've worked with. Systematic and pedentic. Yes, the pedentic part can be quite annoying but then again, we were always in the know and we were working as one.

Chicken totally disappointed me. I could list down the major immatureness and the whole careless disrespectful manners that she had shown in the past few weeks.

• She always takes breaks more than an hour.
• Her favorite thing to do at work is using her phone to message her friend and to keep going to the toilet.
• She usually opens the shop late.
• She keeps things lying around.

Ok, JUST TO BE FAIR, I was a bit lazy too at work. I know, when our manager was not around, we felt like there was nothing to be done at work, given that the one in charge, my really good friend, Chicken, is a lazy ass who does shithouse nada. But I did tell her that as long as we have the shop cleaned before our manager gets back, it will be fine. And yet she still managed to call in sick on her own on Friday and though she promised she would come to the shop to help out with the cleaning on a Sunday(two days before the manager came back), she did not come. Why? Cos she was pillfucked the night before at a festival. Yes, she's got this blog address and I am very confident to let her read this. Truth be told, I can't stand people idling off work. Especially when she knows that her friends (me and others) are doing shitall that she didn't do. In life, you should not take advantage of others. Especially when they actually care for you.

My advice to chicken is to fucken grow up and put the money where her mouth is. Our new manager used to train our ex managers. Now, I'm quite intrigued how the system is going to be. I'm happy with the new manager only cos I know he's an experienced person who won't take shit and been in the company way long before than most of us. Now, Chicken, you should be really worried if you go on like this....

Music: Will Young - All Time Love

Time Goes By SO Slowly to THose Who Waits

I was on manhunt and guess who I saw. PRESIDENT!!! Well, I read his profile and it said something along the line of 'clean and safe only please'. I don't know if it had been there the last time I checked it out but somehow it didn't make me feel that right. If he was to not see me anymore cos of a sex mishap, in which I did warn him that I wasn't ready, this whole thing is just too wasteful to end. I don't really want him to be my boyfriend or anything but I'd hate to make what we had a one time thing.

Now, getting back to my PR situation. Grandad is worried that I won't get my PR after the application, where my mind is just like 'get the fuck with it and let life takes me to anywhere I can drift to'. But then again, come back to reality, that's almost impossible. I think if I want to achieve something, I should just go for it but the journey there is just so unmotivating. So, now, grandad wants me to go meet his friend, who is in Seven Hills, which is like major far from me.

On another note, I wrote 'if I were an actor, I could someone who always knows the right things to say' for my facebook status and some dork came up to me and asked 'you been busy?' and this is how it goes.

Dork: you been busy?
me: yeah.
Dork: you're an actor hein.
me: is that bad?
Dork: nope
me: haha
Dork: So been working in neighbours?

OMG... first of all I hate the aussie tv soap, neighbours and second, it's so not funny it's frustrating. Like, just cos I wrote a line off the song that refers to something completely irrelevant of his question, DOES NOT MEAN I AM ACTING in neighbours.

Anyways, I managed to pick up a potentially sane person from gaydar today. I'm gonna call him Sprinkler, only cos he has a pic of him with a sprinkler on his msn display. I don't even know why I added him. All I want lately is sex. CHEAP SEX. Cheap thrills. This man's gotz ta work.... but when you have people like Sprinkler, you can't really resist NOT adding him on your msn.

Music: Lily Allen - Smile

The Fear

The more I come to think of it, the scarier it seems. My last few days have been me procrastinating. Procrastinating to do things like getting my ass back to gym, start applying for things for my PR and of course, work on med revue stuffs. I just feel a bit gloomed up. Just a bit scared that there is a fifty percent chance that I might get rejected for my PR application. There is actually nothing to be scared of actually. It's all fate. I've done what I could. I did graduate with a degree. Now, I'm gonna have to look for a job and all that but then again, with the economy crisis and med revue in hand, it seems impossible.

After the directors meeting, which by the way went REALLY well, a coffee with Kangerooman unexpectedly led to a huge hangout. Hornyman asked me why I never did yellow shirt and it made me wonder why I never did. I mean, most of the yellow shirts that I know of are awesome people, except for some retards here and there. But then again, when you actually first came to uni and met yellowshirt like Slutwhore and Cheapthrillcomedian, it was not entirely my fault that I did not wanna do yellow shirts. Slutwhore stopped talking to me once she found out I was gay and I never had a good vibe when she's concerned. She's a major slut and it pains me that she's not even half as pretty as the contestant in America who won "Miss Ugly" paegant. On the other hand, Cheapthrillcomedian's ego is so disgusting I can see invisible goo seeping out of his guts whenever he talks. It's a waste actually cos I do admire his talent but I could do better with someone who doesn't leak out as much ego as he does. And, on another note, I was asked if I wanted to let Sleazeball work with us for Med Revue, which I totally entirely disagree. He reminds me of Cheapthrillcomedian. Both of them just HAS TO GO. If they have a comeback for me, don't you worry guys.. this is my last revue I'm gonna be heavily involved in. But yeah coffeeing with the nice people from this year's yellowshirt was tres nice, until Croissantface appeared and I had to run for my 'limited' freedom.

Babylet came over tonight and we did a bit of housesearching. It was a bit hard to housesearch when the prizes are extremely high in suburbs both of us wanted to live in and when it is actually the beginning of yet another gruesome uni semesters. New Asians go around Randwick looking for place to stay and instant noodle shops.

On another note, I'm scared. I just am. It's a feeling I'm entirely new to... but at times, it scares me so much I don't even know what I should be scared for.

PR?
Full time job?
Lack of boyfriend?
Missing my family?
Lack of friends?

or is it just being scared to admit that in fact, my life is changing....

Music: Stacie Orrico - More to Life

Drunk On Food

All of you ladies out there, if you want to know how it feels like to be pregnant, just go on a swing while eating opporto's. I'm feeling so nauceous and woozy right now I swear I could puke a galloon.

It's not really surprising that I am feeling this way though. I did have a huge migraine after checking out the immigration site to check if I should go for TR or a PR. To be honest, I am quite scared to apply for a PR but if it seems like my points would qualify me for a PR, I'd say give it a shot.

I've just reached this point I'm feeling a bit fed up with life in general. It's just because I'm getting nowhere. Been stuck in a phase for a bit too long. I just feel like a mother of a baby whose head is already out in the open but won't seem to come out.

To make things worse, I woke up and noticed that my right contact lens was crushed along the rim of the container. Yes, I did drink last night but I didn't really remember putting the lens on the rim instead of the container.

Need I say more? I'm seeing tweety birds as I type anyways.. not a good day..

Music: The Kooks - I Want You Back

A Date with the best

Despite sounding a bit rebellious and stupidly desperate, I had a date today. With myself. I woke up to a Valentine's Day, which used to be just another day until today. It felt like christmas. I think the fact that I'm opening myself up to a crazy new set of emotions that I normally ignore is kinda both scary and useful. I've never felt this lonely in my life before. Well, I have before when I was around 18 or 19 but I used to think it was due to some immature sense in me that requires full attention from people around me. Now, I've come to accept that it's part of my personality to feel this lonely and as weird as it sounds, it seems beautiful.

I woke up and walked in the rain to KFC and ate like there was no boundary and I also had a Gloria Jeans. The best things in life, one of them being food. Walking on my own on a Valentine's Day makes me think a lot.

• First of all, while walking to wherever to get food, I messaged President to ask if he wanna come with. He messaged me that his friend was picking him up. Now, it made me realize that we both lead different lives. He's still in his HSC, has lots of friends who can give him so much time and carefree and playful and stressless. While I'm quite a grown up (haha) who HAVE to make time for friends and since my friends have other things to do as well, it's a hit or miss life for me. Plus, I do not revolve my life around a certain group of people and I love a bit of a variety in my life. So, I've come to realize and happy to accept the fact that President was one good shag. I did have a thing for him but I guess he doesn't live up to me. I need someone who knows pain as much as I do, appreciate happiness like it's the last option in life and walk in fire like he would never know how it feels like and value the feel of water or antiseptic to heal his burnt marks. Sorry, Pres, we're just not meant to be. If fate has it, I shall see you again one day.
• I checked out my msn and I found out that I don't really have any friends I could call and leave and those I think I could, I don't want to. It's my other personality I've found out. It's nothing to be proud of actually, but I like having to make an effort to invite someone or prompt someone for a hangout instead of those who are too easy to be hanging out with. I don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings here but it's just me that likes to go for those I have to make a huge effort for. And, those 'friends' that I made on manhunt, I realize that it was either for a release or just plain 'boyfriend' trial. I would love to have a real friend for a change. From the website. I do have other friends who I've already 'locked' into my 'not straight' friends categories. You guys know who you are, right?
• Lastly, I'm thinking of not caring what others think. I would love to have a personality like one of my favorite friends, Refugee. I love what she wrote on her 25 things on her facebook, how she really don't mind people loving her or hating her but she rather not have 'meh' friends. Those who would go 'meh' on her. Now, I want to cancel those outta my life. I don't really want 'meh' friends. The quantity doesn't matter; I don't mind having too much friends but I really want to get rid of those I can't really hold quality of.

I have to say this has been the best Valentine's Day ever. The day I took time to myself. Found out what to rub off and those I'll have to make sure I stick to. I guess loving yourself is important, no matter how many times most psychiatrists say a lot, IT IS TRUE. I have tried that process today and I couldn't stop smiling to myself the whole walk home with Gloria Jeans Cookies and Creams in my hand. The feeling of acceptance from no one else but yourself, who is the most important person for you...

Music: India Arie - The Heart of the Matter

When It Rains, It Pours

I wasn't home this early but I just had to make sure this entry falls under Friday the 13th. Today was a long day. I'm so tired now I could cry. But then again, it was a good day to be looked at.

Market city ( the place I work in) toilets have these scent sensors installed. So, whenever someone takes a poop, after they flush down the toilet and if the smell still lingers on, the thing sprays some freshener into the air. I went to the toilet today and the first thing it did was spray some freshener. Now, that was insulting. Of all the people, it had to spray a cologne fanatic such as myself. To cherry top this moment, I let out an unintentional uncontrollable burp and the urinal started flushing by itself. Weird toilets, I tell ya. It's like they wanna play a prank on me.

It was a Friday and every Friday, at work, we try to get as many small notes (money) as we could. Normally, I'd have a bag with me but today, since I came directly from the gym, the only bag I had with me was a gym bag. The gym bag is just too big to be carrying around to banks. I know the bank was only one block walk away from my work but still, it was pretty annoying to be carrying this huge ass bag with me to the bank. So, I was bagless and Zizzle didn't have any bags on her either. Then, I started rummaging the counter for any possible bag and guess what I found. The 'lost' bag from TamponGirl. One day ago, some customer left a bag in our shop and when I opened it, there were four tampons, one card of pills, a mirror and a lipstick in it. So, today, I put all of those out and went to the bank with the bag. I'm very grateful to TamponGirl, for saving my life today.

Now, it would be so unHein of me to say I've been checked out by a few gay guys who come into the shop but at the same time, I am not dumb enough to not notice. Two guys did. One even chat me up and asked if I were going out tonight. Well, it's true that I was being friendly like I normally am at work but then again, it's just weird how I get looks from them. Good ones, this time round. My esteem was booming til I tried on this shirt Emokid made for me. My workmate, Emokid, designs shirts and I bought this one from him of two guys kissing. Last time I bought a cock being choked on a white t shirt from him and it was a medium sized and it fit well. Today, the two guys kissing is a medium but it looks SO small on me and I put that on with the blue jeans shorts. I look quite fat to be honest. So, yeah downhill the self esteem plunge. Talk about raining on my parade, eh?

Skipping work was NOT fun. It was raining and it was hell busy at basement when I got there. Customers were just rude. They seem rich enough to buy so much drinks and enjoy this eagles cover band, but some of them have the lowest attitude when it comes to 'manners'. Greed, Stubbornness or just fucked in the head. You name it, they've mastered them all. So, it wasn't fun to go around apologizing at people for things like forgetting to give them their desserts, asking for bills too early (only cos the cashier was gonna close early) or just plain asking for food they would wanna order. Now, in this eagles cover band, there was this one guy. I couldn't stop looking at him. I just kept looking at him and whenever I do, my heart skipped a beat. It's plain stupid and it's all high school crush again but seriously, why now? Why am I feeling like this? I seriously just want him to know how much I like watching him but whenever he looked my way, I looked away but from a corner, I'd be peeping into his corner. I'm sure he didn't see me; I mean, if you're on stage spotlit, it's hard to see people down in the audience.

Bus ride home was depressing since it was raining outside. I thought about a lot of things. About my financial situation, stability, life, status and family. I thought about 'fate' too. Me doing things I'm doing; are they all meant to be. Even littlest things like a girl sitting next to me on the bus; was that fate? Was she meant to sit there? Was I meant to catch rain. Sometimes, I think that some force is watching all of us go through life.

I was walking home soaked in the rain and I wonder "if God was watching a tv series called "Hein", I would love this moment in the rain to be the last scene of a season before it stops airing, and like 'Desperate Housewives', everything could start from five years later". So, be it God or any force, if you guys are watching me now, time for this reality show to take a break and come back in five years...

Music: Adele - To Make You Feel My Love

Just Had to Say It

Watching porn in another language is fun. The dude kept saying "Vegemite vegemite". And no it wasn't an aussie porn.

'Lost' In Phase

A 30 minutes of sanity with GayBFF makes me realize how I'm so stupid when it comes to logic sense. Maybe, it's just this safety cloud that always seems to cover the real 'me' when it comes to having to impress someone. I told him about how I've been trying to keep myself from not messaging President.

GayBFF: Why?
me: Isn't that the rule of thumb? Like.. wouldn't I seem desperate? It's been only three days.
GayBFF: What's wrong with that?
me: Well, if he doesn't message me, why should I?
GayBFF: Do you want to message him?
me: Yep.
GayBFF: I never care about what others think. If I want to do it, I just do it. I messaged people the next day after I hook up.
me: Even on your second meet?
GayBFF: Even first meet, depends.

Now, come to think of it, given that President should know the real me, the guy who doesn't hesitate to message people and loves communication, this should not be anything that is not legit. It's legal to message him and it's not like "I miss you". So, this was how the message went.

me: You gave me a hickey on my neck. lol. I've been wearing scarves.
President: Haha Sorry I haven't kept in touch. Been busy with school and stuff.
me: Heh I figured that. :) I was just talking with my bff about my neck and u popped up. Take care and let's catch up soon x.

Now, you know why this kid actually amazes me and always surprises me. What he said was an exact answer to what I've been dying to ask. I don't know if he has this blog addy or not but he knows that I've been thinking of why he hasn't messaged or kept contact. I love this kid. He's got my attention full time. But, on another note, having GayBFF around me to give me sanity seems nice and very warm. I like it when people care.

Music: The Wallflowers - One Headlight

Set Adrift On Memory Bliss

flirt
/flɜrt/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [flurt] Show IPA Pronunciation
–verb (used without object)
1. to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions; play at love; coquet.
2. to trifle or toy, as with an idea: She flirted with the notion of buying a sports car.
3. to move with a jerk or jerks; dart about: butterflies flirting from flower to flower.
–verb (used with object)
4. to give a sudden or brisk motion to; wave smartly, as a fan.
5. to throw or propel with a toss or jerk; fling suddenly.
–noun
6. Also, flirter. a person who is given to flirting.
7. a quick throw or toss; sudden jerk or darting motion.

So, yes, I court triflingly without serious intentions... to a mother of twin boys today. But, don't you think flirting only works mutually? It was more of a witty conversation though.

Woman: So, what's the return policy in this company?
me: You got three weeks and as long as you keep the tags and receipt, you can either go for exchange or refunds at any stores, even in Melbourne.
W: I am going to Melbourne this Thursday. You must have been reading my mind.
me: I must be a psychic eh?
W: Yeah, or you might have been stalking me.
me: Oh no, you've found out. Dang, I must be a bad stalker.
W: You're cute.
me: *blush*

At the counter, I asked them where they're from and they just started telling me their suburbs.

W: Parramatta
me: Oh no, my stalking skills have faded. I shoud've known this if I were a bit more committed to my stalking routine.
W: Hahahaha, by the way, you don't look fat. (cos I did tell her earlier how I'm trying to get rid of being size 34)
me: I was gonna give you a discount anyways.
W: Hahaha you're too nice.

I love customers like her. And there was another girl who was from Melbourne and she and I bitched about Sydney being a stupid place as opposed to Melbourne and how Melbourne has much better fashion sense. It's true though. When I was watching Aussie Idol, those who comes from Melbourne always looks good and individualistic, whereas Sydney dwellers look so bleak.

Still no call from President. Why do I care so much? I don't know at all. Do I even like him? I don't know. Would I be happy if he contacts me in the future? Maybe. I think it's more of my 'don't have things to do at the moment so I'll just dwell on the highlight of the week which was my time with him' act. But then again, why do I care so much about what we did? Hello... You're Hein.. you fuck around.. you have six fuckbuddies who you can just call who would drive to your unit and fuck the schmack outta you. Why even fucken bother about a seventeen year old?

You know. this is one of the reason why I don't really like 'life'. It's too mysterious for my liking at times. It gives me more reason to just wanna know things that don't really come obviously outta any windows of answers. Subtle and playful just like any other answers in my life. You always find them when you don't give a fuck to ask them anymore.. C'est la vie.

Music: Faith Evans - I Don't Need It

Girlfriend

They make don juans in miniature sizes these days. And that's one reason why I am not waiting for anything from President and as I have thought, I heard nothing from this boy today. I don't think I should get any contact from him though. But then, who can blame me for thinking a bit about him after I made love to him, no?

It's always nice to catch up with those types of friends who you can pick up from where you left off the last time you met them. I hung out with Girlfriend today. I feel like she is my 'true' girlfriend. Like, ok, there are many types of friends. Betty(who I'm gonna change her code to GirlBFF) is more of a sister type of friend to me. Quackface is more of like an advisor type of friends. But Girlfriend fits the category so well. She always has results for everything I said regardless of however stupidly impossible it sounds. I mean, that's all I need anyways. I just need rants to go in the air. I don't need people to catch it and think hard on it. Just need someone to come up with one witty line to set it off. I'm glad Girlfriend is back with her boy and for real, I was really happy cos I remember when I first heard that they broke up, I got so weak in the knees. They are the perfect Aussie couple, both young and attractive and very aussie. And even if these two don't work, I was scarred that it would be hard to find the 'one' for me. So, I'm really glad that she's back with him. We ate at a vietnamese restaurant. Seriously, that diner has a huge issue with water. When you order water, they give you this glass of water like five minutes after you've ordered it. And, if you want more, you have to order more water and that would take yet another five minutes. Normally, they would have a bottle of water with glasses but seriously, this restaurant is just plain stupid. Girlfriend and I were waiting to pay the bill at the cashier and Girlfriend swiped shit load of free complimentary mentos from the dish they had at the cashier. I did the same but left some. I thought I didn't take much and I was feeling a bit "dang I should've taken more" and as I was about to take more of it, Girlfriend swiped more and I followed. It made us laugh since there were only two mentos minties left after we left. Take that, you water stingy people! After that, we just walked around city. I told her I'd love to see her every week and even if it isn't every week, once a fortnight sounds awesome. I just like to have her around me and she is one of my good friends too. She promised me she wouldn't be this hungover next time we meet. hahaha. Like I care. I think she's good in any forms.

Two of my 'girl'friends don't know that men have holes in front of their crotches on their underwears. It's cute to know that they don't and I am not even gonna put their codenames since it's a bit easy to pay them out once you know who they are. But it's cute and funny. Now, I know why people laugh at me when I say that girls have as much penis as men do cos their clitoris (I did check dictionary.com for the plural of this, my ex said 'a bunch of clitoris', Aliyah said 'clits') erect and also cos once they sag, the lips do resemble guys' balls. Oh logic, where art thou tonight?

Music: Pussycat Dolls - Bottle Pop

Naked

Come to think of it, since it's 2am and it's one of these moments where I am kinda chilled with my own thoughts. I made love to President today. It wasn't just sex. I spent hours just breathing onto his neck and nibbling his soft ears til they turn purple. I was careful to not give him any form of bruise. But at the same time, I was running my fingers along his eyebrows. Such a pretty face he's got. I rubbed my fore finger along his cheek bone and facial structures. I kissed him both passionately and agressively. I made him ask for it. I pinned him down and kept brushing my lips against his and whenever he tried to kiss me, I would shove off. I laid around with him on my bed in my arms for a few good minutes. Mind blank. Thinking of nothing. I looked him in the eye while I kissed him. I played with his fingers.

It's been three years since I last made love to someone. The last one was my ex, SG. This either means I really like President, which was impossible since I just know him, OR I'm ready to be comfortable around in bed again making love. I was a lobster out of his shell and for the first time, I glowed. I got uncomfortable being the softy, lusty and hopeless romantic in bed when I got dumped by SG. I don't blame him for this but I never was able to bring that side of me ever again. I thought I would have to be stronger and more ignorant of the fact that things could get more sentimental in bed.

Sex, to me, is more about exploring and getting comfortable in your own skin. Having sex with a paid muscled hot stripper who would pound the shit outta you is NOTHING compared to being yourself and comfortable with someone in your arms just taking sweet time to get to know each other's bodies.

As far as President goes, he's young and he might need or want to experience more. I'm willing to understand that part. However, I would never be able to tell what's up with him cos he did lure my thoughts about a seventeen year old boy to another level. I've never seen someone of his maturity and sanity level for his age. But at the same time, we'll have to see what's up now that he's got what he wanted. He's seen me naked, he's done things he's never thought of doing with me, he's got my trust, he's got my body and there's just so much that I could do to ever find out what his next motive is. Is he done with or will he be back for more? Either ways, I'm hopeful yet careful not to let go of my sanity. For once, I'm playing a game.... with my head... and not with my heart anymore....

Music: The Beatles - Something

Dear Mr President

Control. I lack it. However, lack of control does lead to honesty. At times, I think there's already a plan written for me in life and no matter how much I know what's going on and what should be done, I seem to do things that are meant to be done while knowing they shouldn't be done.

After work, I met up with President. We talked on our walk up to my place. He seems like a shy boy and he DID say he was shy. However, as soon as we walked into my room, the shy boy is no more to be seen. He jumped at me and kissed me and it went on for hours. For some reason, he wanted to try poking his member into me but then, me being the hygenic freak, refused. I also did refuse cos it's only our first meet and I don't wanna have to spoil it. But, that's when my lack of control took over. We ended up doing it anyways but it was a sex gone wrong. So, yeah, I shouldn't be this careless. And I think I kinda made him think that topping someone is not good. I told him to try with others and they might like it. I mean, how would you like a 'sex gone wrong' on your first invitation for your member into a septic pipe? We got up. I washed myself and came back into my room and he started kissing me again and we made out for yet another half an hour and yes, it was a happy ending. (wink wink) He said he's not into public display of affection and we made out in the lift. As soon as we got out, I was surprised at what he did. He said goodbye and kissed me on the lips. In FRONT of my unit.

I have to say he's so cute and I seem to find this putton that he loves to be pressed. I found his red light district area. He left me with a mark on my neck. So, I'm a property of Mr President for some few days.

I know it's wrong and I went against my will to have done what I did. But I love to see it as a good evening. Plus, when I kissed him, I did kiss him like a lover should. I mean, not kidding here, there is a semi crush on him from my part.

Music: Stereophonics - Have A Nice Day

To Hein With Love

Flirting is not an addiction to me. I mean, I was born with it. I can't help but flirt with desirable men. But when it comes to boys, who are way younger than me, let's say eleven years, it is kinda wrong but yet irresitible to flirt. Given he's pretty much into me and I think he's a cutie and way mature for his age. There's nothing better than a mutual flirt. President came to Jayjays. Yes, he is underage and we've been talking on msn for a while now. He came when I was going out. This was the first time I've seen him in real life. He wasn't as tall as I thought he would be but he's so cute. So, he messaged me that he saw me at Jayjays then he shopped at Cotton On. Then, I messaged him back saying if he wanted me to come to him. He responded with a "I don't know". So, me, as a responsible gentleman slash adult, had to say "I will come to you but I'll just stand behind you and give you a smile and leave.". I didn't have to cos he came near me and we hung out for a while but then I left off for gym.

We messaged each other lots of flirt-messages. He thinks I'm cute, I think he's cute too, he likes my lisp and the messages went on and on.

After work, Toadstool came and picked me up on Oxford St. At first we were going for Hungry Jacks but later decided to go to McDonald's drive in since Hungry Jack place was full of some weird speeders with loud stereo. Then, we went to uni and ate our burgers and President messaged me again. And as usual, the flirt saga continues and I asked him if he wanted a kiss cos I could give it to him. But he was at his friend's house in Little Bay. Toadstool offered to drive me there, JUST TO KISS him, which was really sweet of him. Then, President refused cos he was with his friends. Now that I thought of it, it was fair. I mean, his friends were there. But I gave him a 'ah ok I was gonna come for one minute anyways. Nite bye' message; those messages where you wanna show them that you're pissed off but yet manage to sound nice as if nothing happened.

On the other hand, I had a VERY VBLOG WORTHY night with Toadstool. We went for a ride. I love it how he drove on and on with no desitinations. We went to Le Perouse, and something le Sands. Then, I remember seeing signs that say 'Ryde', 'Beverly Hill' and 'Parramatta'. But don't ask me. I don't really know where we were going to but singing on top of our lungs with his ipod on shuffle was just so cool. He got breathtested by some hot cop (yes, Toadstool, I WAS CHECKING HIM OUT :D). And he was first charged 180 bucks for his lights or something but he told them the truth that he didn't know. And he didn't get charged. But yeah, it was just awesome. I love spontaneous unplanned shit like this. It's so random how he picked me up from work and just drove like there's no tomorrow.

Ah.. good times

Music: Simply Red - Angel

the Urgh File : GYM

Urgh I have a gym book, where I write down types of exercises I have to do and the sets and repititions and all that. And weekly I would put the amount of weight I do it with. It sounds all cool but I draw little stick figure men with weights on a bench beside each workout. And today, I left the book in the gym. How irresponsible of me!! AND HOW FUCKEN embarrassing!!! If they ever ask me if that's my book, I'll just say 'no'.

To cherry top my embarassing moment, I spilled shampoo in my gym bag and now my whole bag smells like Head and Shoulders. URGH!!!!!!

U G L Y , I don't need an alibi

Tired on the bus, leaning against the bus window when some little assholes on the streets think it's pretty cool to come punch the window. Well, they didn't hit my window but they hit the window of the guy who was next to the exit of the bus. Drunk gang-like wannabes. God, this is Australia. In Burma, people actually get injured and get treated like shit in jail. And these highly educated wanna be punks (no.. they're more of a hip hop clan), who has to sit in class and listen to Jane Austen and tried to get laid when they hit puberty, are NOTHING compared to real gangsters in Burma. I'm not saying we're cool and all that. In fact, I avoid that scene but seriously if you guys are not rad enough, don't friggin bother. Aussie police is scary to them and that's like a total embarassment, punks! I was wondering what the guy in front looked like cos from the back he looks pretty hot. Only when he jumped off the bus, I saw him and he was a monobrow Indian guy. No, I find some Indians hot trust me. My friend, John, is cute and he's from India. My close friend, Aarti, is pretty and she's Indian too. So, yes I am not emphasizing on the nationality here. But the mono brow.. umm there's a reason wax is invented for, dude.

Speaking of ugly and good looking, Chicken and I had a talk at work today about being shallow. She said "I am so shallow" for she said she only goes out with good looking people. I'm like Nah I wouldn't call that shallow at all. First of all, there is nothing wrong about 'fat' or 'ugly'. It's just a mean way to say 'I am NOT attracted to you'. There are SO MANY of my friends who I think are ugly (though when I say, my friends, I think they're awesome and good looking)... Ok, rewind that. There are so many PEOPLE I KNOW who are soo ugly, in my opinion, and they have so much love given to them and can find much more love and commitment than I can. Now, I know I am not hot or that major da bomb looking, but I like the way I look and I think I'm fine. At least, fuckable. So, if you ask me, there ARE ugly and fat people out there, but there's NOTHING negative about them. And that what makes me have friends who might not look ok to others, but to me, they're as gorgeous as a new promotion poster in supermarkets. However, as mentioned before on my other blog, SOME PEOPLE SHOULD TRY TO LOOK GOOD AND BLEND-INABLE. Society DOES matter. I am not asking people to be a filthy bitch slut who wears high heels to picnics but at least, do something about yourself. Stop being an ugly betty.

On another unrelated note, I think Tokio Hotel is awesome. Thanx to my flatmate, Disney. Her car ONLY plays Tokio Hotel and I've been going to gym with her a lot in her car.

Music: Tokio Hotel - Ready Set Go

Blog-nection

I finally managed to get a hold of Betty's blog. I thought she was gonna join facebook to put pics of her during travel but haha, knowing my best friend as she is, I KNEW she would NEVER do facebook. Now, it'd be like a dream come true if she does have a facebook account but then again, it would also be EVERYONE's dream come true as well since pathetically, we do have some mutual acquaintances who don't really know the art of shutting the fuck up when no one signals any amusement by the time they say the same thing more than three times. "Please join facebook." "Hey guys, let's make her join facebook" "OMG JOIN FACEBOOK". Once, it's funny. Second, it's ok. Third, it's like 'Ok, this is like home improvements reruns', though I gotta admit I do love Jonathan Taylor Thomas from that series. I used to get him mixed up with the Free Willy kid but yeah they're two different kid actors, two different 'where are they now? and who cares' stars. So, back to Betty's 'not joining facebook'ness, I couldn't care less since I wouldn't wanna share my happiness with others. I'm glad she's enjoying her time though I think this is the second time that she's been to a hospital. I could so see her getting slimmer when she gets back (hmm gym on the double, hein). I laughed reading her 'travel' blogs. I think travel blogs are fun. I'm not much of a blog reader but I tend to read the blogs of Betty, Toadstool, Quackface, Buffyfan and Noteface. I mean, they're at least interesting. Sometimes I do read Betty's cousin blog as well. I mean, she is TRES funny.

Speaking of Betty, my other bestie, Quackface, emailed me today to go see 'milk'. Now, I kinda wanted to but I'm not a big fan of Sean Penn though James Franco's kinda cute. But then again, I was so worried it would be yet another upsetting Brokeback Mountain movie (Ok I did press a backspace there since I actually typed Bareback Mountain at first.. hmm one track mind). To be honest, Brokeback Mountain was a disaster. If there was a way to spell out the definition of disasters to kids, they should watch Brokeback Mountain but then again, they'd ask their parents why two uncles are in humping motion in a tent.

Work was a bit tiring today. Chicken was not in the mood to do much work. Zizzle was working great as usual. The Number was being himself. I swear if there was a character that resembles Number, it would be Moose from the Archie comics. Cos he always goes 'DUH'. Number is NOT dumb I swear but he's just OMG WHAT ARE YOU SAYING. He has this annoying 'huh huh huh huh' chuckle. It does sound like Beavis and Butthead but it was just annoying cos nothing comes after that. Normally, I would expect a 'Do you need TP for my bunghole' but NO. He would just go 'huh huh huh' and something random. He wasn't wearing Jayjays gear today. It's a bit unfair since I would always have to make sure my laundry's safe with Jayjays gear and always make sure I have at least something to wear that is from the shop I work in whenever I work. His excuse was 'I thought my shirt is from Jayjays'. Nice one, dude! It's the ultimate epic fail excuse I've heard. He is trying to hook me up with this German guy by the way, who I have NO IDEA OF. I just told him to make sure he's hot and he's a top. There's nothing worse than two bottom boys falling for each other and halfway through the night when you reach 'homerun', you start to look for a double ended dildo for emergency. Bless.

Music: The Servant - Orchestra

Things We Do For Love

Ok, it seems so weird but am I jinxing myself by watching too much chick flick rom com? For four consecutive days in a row, I've seen 27 dresses, lovewrecked, st trinnians(well that wasn't actually a proper chick flick) and liscence to wed. Two of them are about marriage, one's about some girl school thing and the latter's about finding true love between a rock star and a best friend you've known in ages.

Something's got me thinking though. I kinda know why some of my friends never made it through relationships. Since I am a proud homo, I'm gonna empathize more on gay relationships. Mind you, I am not going through EVERY gay guys in the world but to those who hasn't made it, here's the deal.

Tick Tock Tick Tock
-----------------------

You never wait for anything. You just assume the next guy who bats his eyelash and could talk about Judy Garland with you for an hour without making fun at drag queens or limping his hand a true hero god. Lines like "OMG WE ARE SO MEANT TO BE" or "He is so like me". Does that sound familiar, boys? The deal here is.. DON'T RUSH IN. At the same time, do not think that idling means rejection. If you like someone meet up with him constantly and get to know him. Not rushing in does NOT necessarily mean to stop giving him attention. If you like him, get to know him. Get to know each other. and DON'T EVER SAY "can I get to know you?". That's just tres lame. Of course you can... without making it obvious.

History
---------

Fair enough, we gay boys lack history. I mean, one in 89 gay boys would have actually met through school and gone through a rough patch of 'getting out of the closet' era, which involves exploring each other. Some succeeds, becoming the ideal dream match between two people of the same gender from the same school. Some fails, leading to either bitter 'you' or a better 'you'. So, it's ok if you guys don't have a history. And because of this, you should EVEN CHERISH more time with your guy that you're with. Getting to know him, spending time with him and all of that.. think of how much time you've spent with him. If ever you get any temptations to ever fuck another guy/man or just bored of your partner, think of how you'll have to start again like 'so what movies are you into?' or things like 'dang, he can't even finish my sentence'. It's either that or just see yourself as a failure in life for not even being able to know what you want or have hurt someone who you've bullshitted that you've fallen for to your fag hags in the past when you and he first met. Trust me, guys.. it's worth the try. Work things out. If you're horny and he doesn't do much for you, USE YOUR HAND FOR FUCK SAKE.

Can-Do's
-----------

I'm proud to say that this is one of the three things that I've listed in this entry that I practise. Yes I preach like Oprah wanna-be but I rarely practise and that's the whole idea of having a blog anyway. So that I could read this whenever I feel like a dumbass being run over by the same type of truck called 'mistake' with different number plates on it. The 'can-do' theory states to NEVER go for anyone just cos they're good for you. Make sure you're into them as well. Well, unless you're fucked and ugly and lack sense of humor. Me, being optimistic, believes that everyone is beautiful and everyone should find themselves a someone THEY WANT as opposed to someone THEY NEED. So, after a break up, NEVER settle down for some beautiful people who are nice to you (cos they obviously like you) cos you're gonna hurt them bad one day when you find out that you don't really like them. Ask yourself this, would you wanna be the dumpee in this case? What goes around comes around.

Now, the greatest challenge is yet to come. Will I follow what I've said? Things lure me and I"m easy to get spun around by some assholes at any points. and my type? I like a man who I have to chase but in the process, I start to hate chasing. That's me. I'm weird :(

Speaking of which, I just had a chat with GayBFF. He seems to be upset about something he told me. I'm glad I could be there for him to listen to what he had to say. But at the same time, I truly think what he's going through is a good sign. I wish him the best.

Music: Jason Mraz - Coyotes

I Believe I Plan Fine

Planning... the worst thing for me to do in life but yet the most 'should do' thing in life for me. So now that I told T that I'm moving out by the beginning of March, I have to plan a way out for a 'not that rough' ride like I had before in previous years. I've thought of actually borrowing money from my folks instead of asking for it. I did two months fine without asking them for money. I did survive the whole of january and half december with my own money. Well, thanx to Toadstool and Godmother, who lent me some moo lah but yep I'm paying them off as well. So, I'm kinda happy with how things are working. So, the plan here is.. to

1. Get a house to stay with Babylet or with Babylet and Puff.

Yep, we have different limits to things we want and Puff understands that if we don't end up getting a place with the right price, both Babylet and I will be homeless. So, I have two options now to stop me from either being homeless or having to live a horrendous one more month with T.

2. Get started with the TR application

Yep, self explanatory but lots to do before I'm illegally in Australia.

3. Apply for full time jobs

My next big step in life. I have always wanted to go to work from nine to five, come back home and have a bit of a sip of red wine and enjoy my weekends like there's no tomorrow. Oh yeah!!!

So yep once I'm done with all of those I'll be happy..

By the way, just clearing things out the reason why I use codenames on my blog is only because I don't want people to find out the real names of my friends or best friends. I dont mind if they know that I'm talking about them. I mean, they can't criticize my blog for being honest. So, the thing is I don't mind if you find out that I paid you out or wrote about you on my blog but I would really mind if someone knows who you are via my blog. This is very possible since the day I found out how Croissantface knows half of my information through sites after one time meeting me. Sorry Crossiantface, at times, there's a fine thin line between stalking and appreciating. And on another note, I'm happy, my best friend could tell who's who on this blog and even happier that she's been reading my blog. :D I MISS U SO MUCH!!!!

Music: Michael Buble - Lost

Blogs Fiction?

The feel of rush. Deep heartbeats. Blocked ears. You're in your own little world. And BAM you let it out.. let it all out. You compliment yourself for doing a good job. You give the 'helper' a good wink. Yes, it's sometimes good to pull off while sniffing amyl. For me, it just reminds me of the last time I've used it with someone and that feeling and the smell that reminds me is just priceless. I think amyl sniffing is bad but only if you're addicted to it.

Do you know how it feels like when you know that the Gossip Girl new episode and the new beginnning of the part two of season three of Heroes are back online but you can't view them. Now, I'm talking to Vogue and she's telling me about this new Pussycat Dolls music video "BottlePop" which I desperately wanted to watch as well.

Speaking of Vogue, it's true when I first met her, I used to think she was a bitch but as I could recall, that feeling was also for good friends of mine. Like Betty, I thought she was a prissy princess. Souljah-Girl, who I thought was a bitch and Noteface, who I thought was a proud chick who's too good to be my friend and look where they are. I seriously think there's a good potential that Vogue could be next. Even if it wasn't for a best-friendship, I'm sure she'll be of good company. Given that I'm gonna be in the same house with one of her best friends soon, it's so much better that I'm gonna see more of her and get to know her better.

I had a talk about the book I've been reading with my friends today. It's some blog about this callgirl in London, Belle du Jour or something. I've been enjoying her book the past few days and I'll have to say I'd love to meet her in person and just talk about things in life since half of her personality reminds me of myself and the other half reminds me of someone I've always wanted to be. I don't think how good is someone should be judged upon what they do. I used to hate it whenever Parkboy (one of my very favorite dates) ask me questions like 'so what does he do' or 'what do you do?'. I love Parkboy but it also makes me wonder if his opinions on others are gonna be affected by what they do for a living. It's true nobody wants a lazy ass to be their friends or boyfriends, unless they're in a situation where they meet them by chance and get to know each other. But it's just ridiculous to just keep ASKING THAT QUESTION. Ok, back to where I was. So, this Belle, it makes me wonder how she looks like. From what the book said, she's the most famous call girl. And no matter how call girls have heavy make ups or have sex, I sure as hell know those expensive ones look like mannequins and much more cleaner than even some of those so called 'normal' people. What if she was some ugly chick who just knows how to write smooth. Too smooth that they actually use Billie Piper to portray her in the TV series version of it. Billie Piper is not tres pretty but she does look good. I am not a pessimistic person but I do have a friend who has a sexblog. She's not a size 10 or a size 6. She does have a pretty face though I do admit. There's this posture that she has when she walks and it's one of those that you can tell how they're gonna look like when they grow up old. Personalitywise, I admire. Intelligence, I respect. Looks, could do better. I mean... yes at times, we're born different but if Kirstie Alley and Oprah Winfrey could lose so much weight in a year, anyone can overcome this disease. I can too. In fact, I still think I'm big for my liking. So, when I have friends like BlogBest, it makes me wonder. It's been a while since I last read her blog to be honest though I have to admit it's a good read.. just like Belle du Jour's.

Music: Koop - Whenever There Is You

The Bench

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