A Date with the best

Despite sounding a bit rebellious and stupidly desperate, I had a date today. With myself. I woke up to a Valentine's Day, which used to be just another day until today. It felt like christmas. I think the fact that I'm opening myself up to a crazy new set of emotions that I normally ignore is kinda both scary and useful. I've never felt this lonely in my life before. Well, I have before when I was around 18 or 19 but I used to think it was due to some immature sense in me that requires full attention from people around me. Now, I've come to accept that it's part of my personality to feel this lonely and as weird as it sounds, it seems beautiful.

I woke up and walked in the rain to KFC and ate like there was no boundary and I also had a Gloria Jeans. The best things in life, one of them being food. Walking on my own on a Valentine's Day makes me think a lot.

• First of all, while walking to wherever to get food, I messaged President to ask if he wanna come with. He messaged me that his friend was picking him up. Now, it made me realize that we both lead different lives. He's still in his HSC, has lots of friends who can give him so much time and carefree and playful and stressless. While I'm quite a grown up (haha) who HAVE to make time for friends and since my friends have other things to do as well, it's a hit or miss life for me. Plus, I do not revolve my life around a certain group of people and I love a bit of a variety in my life. So, I've come to realize and happy to accept the fact that President was one good shag. I did have a thing for him but I guess he doesn't live up to me. I need someone who knows pain as much as I do, appreciate happiness like it's the last option in life and walk in fire like he would never know how it feels like and value the feel of water or antiseptic to heal his burnt marks. Sorry, Pres, we're just not meant to be. If fate has it, I shall see you again one day.
• I checked out my msn and I found out that I don't really have any friends I could call and leave and those I think I could, I don't want to. It's my other personality I've found out. It's nothing to be proud of actually, but I like having to make an effort to invite someone or prompt someone for a hangout instead of those who are too easy to be hanging out with. I don't mean to hurt anyone's feelings here but it's just me that likes to go for those I have to make a huge effort for. And, those 'friends' that I made on manhunt, I realize that it was either for a release or just plain 'boyfriend' trial. I would love to have a real friend for a change. From the website. I do have other friends who I've already 'locked' into my 'not straight' friends categories. You guys know who you are, right?
• Lastly, I'm thinking of not caring what others think. I would love to have a personality like one of my favorite friends, Refugee. I love what she wrote on her 25 things on her facebook, how she really don't mind people loving her or hating her but she rather not have 'meh' friends. Those who would go 'meh' on her. Now, I want to cancel those outta my life. I don't really want 'meh' friends. The quantity doesn't matter; I don't mind having too much friends but I really want to get rid of those I can't really hold quality of.

I have to say this has been the best Valentine's Day ever. The day I took time to myself. Found out what to rub off and those I'll have to make sure I stick to. I guess loving yourself is important, no matter how many times most psychiatrists say a lot, IT IS TRUE. I have tried that process today and I couldn't stop smiling to myself the whole walk home with Gloria Jeans Cookies and Creams in my hand. The feeling of acceptance from no one else but yourself, who is the most important person for you...

Music: India Arie - The Heart of the Matter