The Asexual Hein

I've become so bad at social dealings. Last night, I drank , smoked and clubbed again ONLY COS it was an outing with LB, Leah, Mama Mills and Kirsty. It's rare to meet these people outside work so I did have a blast. Badih and Bernie were there too and LB's friend, James, was there as well. It was supposed to be us at Charlie Chan only with half priced cocktails BUT somehow, we managed to get to Midnight Shift. Nothing's big there. It's actually even boring. The only reason I enjoyed last night was cos of Mills, Leah and LB. So, yes I did drink, smoke and dance my ass off. Oh, I met Cleo and Aaron there too. That was another highlight of the night.

Work was tiring today but the funniest thing happened tonight as I put myself online on gaydar. I got two messages from two guys. One who lives on campus studying law and this other navy guy who looks real cute. Both of them has one thing in common. Cock hunger! So, they DID message me for sex. I would have if only I was into it but I told both of them I really wanna have sex with people I know. And as expected, both of them stopped talking. Typical! But I'm just glad I shoved them off and felt good about it. It's about time I sift out those who wants me for Hein and not for sex.

Heroes season 3 counting: 23 days left
Music: Boyz II Men - Ribbon in the Sky

Mood: asexual

Elevator Man

I don't know how Latins do it but after shaking my hip and ass for two hours I felt like little men were walking on every parts of my legs and my stomach was just so howling for food. So, Ali and I went for McD's right after our good exercise at Sydney Dance Company. I was happy with the instructor since she complimented on my hip twice. She called it 'some serious hip shaking'. So, I did have a moment. I was glad I did this with Ali since we all needed a partner and Ali was somewhat someone I'm comfortable with. Before our class, we met Jonathan. Now, Jonathan was in the same choir group with me and Ali two years ago and Ali knows him through yellow shirt. He's way cute and I do find it hard to talk to him since he's cute and all that. When I saw him during the classical class doing ballet moves, I had a discriminatory moment and thought he could be gay. Boy, was I wrong!!! He said something about a girlfriend in Denver and my heart just froze.

Speaking of not being able to talk, I still can't talk right with my neighbor. He's this GORGEOUS hot guy who always seem to have this karma of getting stuck in the elevator with me talking about his work and my work. We talk about acting in general. Today was the second time I got myself into an elevator with him. I was coming outta my unit and the door slammed at the back of me. I remembered hearing the elevator shut and I was like 'FUCKKKKKKK' since I missed it and I was all over the place and when I reached the elevator, the dude was there holding it for me and I froze. What was I to say? And WHAT DID I SAY? "Oh".. that was just SOOO rude. I should've said 'thank you' but instead I chose "OH". We talked again on the lift and cos I was concentrating so hard on what I have to tell him and how I was gonna tell him, his conversation sounded like this...

"bla bla bla bla Sydney Dance Theatre bla bla bla bla tired bla bla bla La Mancha"
then I went 'huh?' and he was asking how did my la mancha go?
I told him "I could finally shave" and we did a 'half a minute chuckle' and he said he has never heard of La Mancha. Then, I started singing the 'To dream the impossible dreammmm' to him and he went 'awwwwwwwwww'. That's when the elevator went ding and I had to disembark outta that 'joyride' I had with mr Hotnesss. *swoons*

Heroes Season 3 counting: 25 days left

Music: Ashlee Simpson - Hot Stuff

Mood: FAT

Another Fat Afternoon

Operation Chicken Curry totally failed. I bought this packet where you just put in the pot and presto 'le chicken curry'. But, for some stupid reason, my chicken curry tastes a bit sour. I swear I did not put any sour elements. All I ever put was garlic and more salt. I think it's the quality of the chicken but if you put your chicken in the freezer, doesn't that make it more long lasting? I hate cooking. Despite all this, I had a good hearty meal; given it's in the house, cooked by me and not paid a single cent for. So, amen to that! But I wasn't happy with the fact my chicken tasted like a cushion that had not been sat on for weeks.

So, what have I been up to. I have totally finish my cse choreo. I was given two days to finish the rest with 'invisible' crates. I was overwhelmed by the cse revue cast members. They were just so friggin eager. Nothing stopped them and I have to say though it was the directors' jobs in keeping them the way they are, the fact that they were so eager REALLY REALLY makes me happy to be a part of it. On the other hand, talking with Rob is pretty much tip toed since I don't know when he's gonna have his 'omg i'm emo' switch on or not. He's a nice guy. That's all I'm gonna say.

I feel so fat at the moment. I feel like if sumo wrestling was the newest 'happening' sports in the world, I'd be the first contestant to chew off all the current reigning champions. And I still have NO IDEA what I'm gonna do with my hair. I saw Nancy's hair. It was actually real cute and she's lost shit loada weight. God, some people are just looking better.. HOW DO THEY DO IT!!!!

On the other hand, I CAN'T WAIT FOR HEROES. I read the spoilers and I want to see more MORE MORE!!!! URghhhh

Heroes Season 3 counting: 26 days left

Music: Tonic - You Wanted More

Mood: bored

Verbal Explosion: revue talk

Now, after TV1, and this is yet another blog that I CANNOT use code names for, the directors are a bit worried about dances. Well, I am not gonna talk about other dances but mine cos the others, I trust them to do what they want. Som, Robyn, Videesha.. I have faith in them to handle cast well. OK, so let's talk about mine....

I was given two days before TV1 to work on my choreo. I was VERY VERY fine with it. It went so well and if I could bow down to each cast member (including the directors, especially Anne) for their magnificent enthusiasm, I would. I was very happy. I told them not to do anything in front of me to impress me since it's the TV1 people that matters. First of all, there are a lot of newbs in the crowd. I have decided to handle these people with care cos it's their determination at heart that is striving them to try hard and not anything else. They are eager to learn, enthusiastic to go through dance moves and friendly to anything that comes in their way. It's only fair that they might suck a bit during tv1. Like, you can't get a GOOD HIT choreo outta two dance blocks.

Now, last two nights ago, I talked to Rob. I was telling him that we're gonna do impros and fun stuffs this week for dance and he gave me an 'i don't know.. we have to go through dance moves... bla bla bla'. Ok, now, I know he is VERY stressed and I know every directors in revue stress. But, a little silver lining does NOT kill anyone. The vibe I got from our talk was the fact that they have to tell the cast members to be much better in dance and all that. Well, if you ask me, the fact that they did well after TWO dance blocks only at TV1, was a good thing for me. Maybe, they were nervous. The critiquers will be critiquers. I know some of them can be quite harsh but it's NOT neccessary to overstress this.

When I'm doing something that has to do with a due date and a crowd to please, I tend to do it with a smile and a calm mind. So, like it or not, I am not STRESSED at all about my dance. I heard that crates would be hard to dance with this week. That's fine. Theoretically it's NOT fine but hey, there's always a way out. I just KNOW this dance is gonna be awesome. I just wish that with every encouragement and a boost of energy I'm trying to inject along the way, it won't be spoilt. I felt like my energy was spoilt that night I talked to rob though I have to admit gtalk is tricky and you never know what the other's feeling. But yeah, for anyone reading this, I can assure you that my dance is gonna be done with A plus effort and with happy and energetic people.

Like it or not, I'm gonna do this my way now.

Jayjays Tales: SchoolSkipper's Mom's Tantrum

God, I actually just woke up from this exhaustion sleep I had from 7pm. At work, it was a bit of a blur here and there since I was half sleep-walking at work, though never failing to chuck a smile at people being randomly totally messy. So, despite my low tolerance, the 'beauty paegant' in me shines throughout worktime and I guess that made Leah kinda ok about the fact that I was actually a zombie in disguise. So, I got something interesting to blog today. Yay, finally!!!!

Some security and big suits people came in our shop today and they had a talk with Leah. And Leah face expressions change from curiosity, frown then laughter. So, my curiosity veins start to ache and I ran over to her to get le goss. So, what happened was... last tuesday ( I think ), one of our favorite security guards supposedly threatened this high school kid who was loitering about in our center. The kid told his mom that he was punched and threatened and the mom happened to be one of those 'important' people on 'today, tonight' on tv. So, she threatened the center back that she'll take legal actions.

Now, this reminds me of Chinese gymnast and the Americans incident, though I do think Americans were in the right for the funny situation. Like, the 14 years old Chinese chick won gymnastics gold for over 16 and the American team were not happy that this happened. The funny thing is they kinda semi-announced to the world that they got beaten at sports by a kid though I do also agree that Olympics rules should be followed.

So, yeah, first of all, if I were his mother, I'd be more concerned about what he's doing at such time not going to school. Second, yes some security guards are harmful but this is a center. If her kid was to be punched, it would not have been done in a center at daytime from a guard to a high school kid. And, just cos her little spoilt brat went all berzerk on 'things on top of my heads to reason against shit' deed, does NOT mean her son's speaking the truth (given that she should be thanking the guard even for telling her kid to not skip school). To make things worse, she used her work title. Now, that disgusts me. Everyone wahs about equality and I'm so sure she'll be the first one to shout her ass off on equality in society but yeah SO FUCKING WHAT if you work at Today, Tonight. That does not make her or her son smarter. On the OTHER hand, I'm sure she was just being overprotective for her son, which is kinda sweet. But , parents these days.. do they ACTUALLY listen listen to their kids? and what? is she expecting a 'best parents' award?

You see, the only reason I'm so against this is cos I've seen kids coming in. Innocent kids stealing shit loads, skipping schools and getting into trouble. And we, the retailers, cannot do anything. These security guards are a big part of our retailed crazed lives. Like, at least we feel a bit secure despite the ever increasing amount of theft. And do we retailers get any compliments? Well, once in a while when some customers get their colors or sizes or just want some laugh... so, I think it's really stupid to blame a security guard in a shopping center of hitting your son who was school skipping and loitering in a shopping center on a weekday. Go to school, kid! Come up with better and more intelligent excuse and let your mom have a good day at work for once.

Music: Redd Kross - Teen Competition

Mood: disgusted

thought of the second

Time is wasted better on someone who knows how to use a phone.

Stubborn Leo est Hein

You know that feeling when you start learning a bit about yourself. Normally, it just creeps up on you behind your mind but today, my realization comes in a big fat and unsubtle fashion. I dont like being told what to do. There would be a thing I'd totally love to do and I'd do it only when untold. This explains why I didn't do salsa when Danny was going on and on about it, not emailing my folks when they kept nagging me to, not cleaning anything in the house when Thanda kept nagging me to. Well, it's true. I don't really like being told what to do. I love the feeling of going for something I really have passion without having to follow instructions from anyone to do it. Advices are cool; I'd listen to them but I think I'll end up doing them once I've forgotten you told me to. :P Unfair, eh? Such is life. So don't playa hate, foo!

Music: Karsh Kale - Distance

Mood: chilled

Dream

I personally think it's uncool to dream of someone you kinda let go. I stopped thinking about Wind for the past few days. Given that he didn't really reply my message and not come to my show, which was totally fine since I heard that he's been busy as well. So, I thought the most healthiest choice would be not to think of him that much. And, I was doing so well until this morning I dreamt of him. The dream was so real. I guess dreams kinda picturize what's at the back of your mind. Thoughts that we are not aware that we have. Cos my dream went something along the line of him telling me to come see him somewhere if I wanna see him or something like that and I think I even told him that what good it is when he's hard to contact in my dream.
hahaha funny!!!!!
I sometimes wish he doesn't like men at all!

La Macha: Med Revue and a half night

Last night, it was CSE Revue peeps and a bit of Med Revue. Tonight was a lot of Med Revue and a bit of CSE. All in all, I was happy that a lot of my friends came. I was even happier that they enjoyed it. I felt so good when some of them asked for my autograph in the end LOL. I know it was meant to be funny but it's a feel good thing. I think Luke's Mom started it actually. That's another guest that I was glad who came tonight. Luke(babylet)'s mom came all the way from Orange and stayed one night to just see the show. And she enjoyed it and she was going around asking for autographs. It was just so cute how it showed she really enjoyed the show. My betch, Mel, was there too. I never knew she was into theatrical shit but it was just so nice to see her there. I mean, Mel's a REALLY REALLY valued friend of mine after all. Emily was there as well. I wasn't sure if she was gonna be there when she wasn't there with the cse last night. Robin Chow came as well (I know this sounds strange but I always have respect for this guy no matter what). Rachel Jang was there as well. And my med revue family (I LOVE U GUYS), Owen, Aarti, Tessa, Tran, Bambul, Mel L, Paulbob, Robyn S, Robyn Hutch, Justin A, VJ, were all there as well. You see, these made me feel so good after I was feeling shit the whole day thinking this show is a jinx cos on Wednesday, Kieran got a car accident and today Amelia got pneumonia and Nick Daly's grandma died on his bday and on the day he was supposed to come to my play.

The cuter part of the evening was when Luke's mom, Nada, took me and Luke for an evening dinner after the play. She paid for the dinner and taxi and I felt so bad that I FELT I had to pay for the cab back. I mean, I can't take this act of kindness for granted. But, it felt so good and we were like a family of three. She kept telling me how Luke mentioned a lot about me to her. I didn't know I was THAT THAT important to Luke but I guess, as his big gay brother, I do matter a lot, especially when his mom said a lot of good shit about me. She tried on my beret and I thought it looked hot on her so I told her to take it.

Luke, me and his mom, Nada

It was a warm night..... so warm it can fight away any type of fucked up breeze this weather has on all of us.

Music: No Doubt - Magic's in the Make Up

Mood: warm and fuzzy

La Mancha with Revue and a half (Cse and a bit of med)

Tonight was the night where I'll have my REAL audience for the first time aka my friends and by friends, I mean my bestest ones too like Ali, Jen and Sarapoo. And of course I got a revue and a half crowd and some of those friends I actually respect like Nancy, Ben W, George, Qwokkz and Rob Lawther. And those who I really care about like Derek, Lambo, Matty, Kai, Strider, Anjali, Sarina, Charissa and some of the people from my choreo group like Tess D. And there was a lot of others too who I was so happy came and enjoyed the show. Lachlan was there too and I love the fact that he was there as well cos he's just honest when it comes to criticizing and it was a good feeling that he enjoyed the show. Lillian Ong, on the other hand, was SO sweet cos she gave me this box full of cookies she made for me for the video I made of Med Revue 2008. It was just REALLY good timing cos I was feeling so sick and outta it after the show and there she was complimenting me and showing her gratitude and bearing her gift she made by herself. Now, I've never really ever thought of Lillian much since she's just a friend and someone I worked with in Med Revue but what she did tonight REALLY made me smile. It was really sweet of her.

since he was the one taking the pic, this is me and cutie lambo

All in all, I was glad most people from my revue and a half crowd enjoyed the show. I was glad they all took some time off from their busy schedules to make it to this show. Despite my stinging toncil, bad nose and stuffy lungs, I smiled all the way home.

and these are Lillian's delicious brown balls, unpacked and eaten lol

Music: Tina Turner - Whatever You Want

Mood: sick but worth it

Yet Another Mystery Solved

So, Brames is bi. He added me on facebook and I read his 'interested in' but then again, I know how some people loves to write "Interested in:" as both genders and for the "For:" part, they'd have relationship, friendship or more and all that crap. So, it can also be the fact that he might just wants guys to be his friends but yeah... himwise, my gaydar beeps loud so I AM sure he has preference for guys somewhat. Tonight, before the warm ups, he asked me to come to the corner to teach him the chords to 'little bird little bird'. I did. It was kinda normal but why would someone wanna know the chords to Little Bird Little Bird that desperately. I mean, it's a normal thing to ask for chords yes but yeah, somehow, I felt kinda good about it. About the fact that he pulled me to a corner LOL.

La Mancha : Opening Night

I can be such a wuss when it comes to sensitive things. Tonight was the first night of la mancha and it was pretty much better than I've expected. Of course there were little flaws here and there but yeah it was a good show. Jamie cried on stage and seeing him cry made me cry on stage too and I could hear some audiences crying as well. Then, after the show ended, all the cast members crept beneath the audiences' seats and waited til all of the audiences leave and I just started crying there cos it felt so good. I felt like I've achieved something. Acting has always been a passion to me and I never knew or thought I could kill it tonight so I got REALLY emotional and just had a bit of a cry underneath the seats.

And finally the med revue 2008 cast song is done. It was worth the stalk and running after people filming them, missing gym or even missing a lecture last week. Cos everyone looks so colorful and cute in that video and it was such a good combination of all our memories during the past four months or so that we've done med revue. I have to say this is the most 'loved up' cast I've been in, second being CSE revue cast. But yeah... I guess I'm just lucky to always be in a cast group where the people are decently lovable. I (heart) you, people!

Music: Jellyfish - The Man I Used To Be

Mood: achieved

La Mancha Dress Run: The Realization

I learnt something from tonight's dress run at la mancha. Despite the fact that Hannah had been a bit whip-lash-ish during the past few days, I think it's come to a good result. I know I was kinda complaining about how she can resemble a witch at times though I did justify that she meant things well, I think whatever she did had prompted the best from me. Today, although I wasn't given any compliments about anything, I feel so brave and good about what I've done. There were some few things that I have fucked up on but I noticed that whichever that I've stopped making mistakes in were all caused by whatever that Hannah did. I've always wanted to be treated professionally. This was the real deal I guess. I wasn't paid for doing this but I felt like I was treated like I was paid for it. It makes me feel really achieving after all this shit-holed nights that I've gone through. So, if you ask me, whatever Hannah did to me, which was basically giving critiques and being less complimentary about other stuffs towards me, had made me so much better. I think that I don't really deserve to know which parts I did best and all that since it's time consuming and if I was to be praised for a thing or two, I'm sure the other cast members would deserve praises as well and the whole aftermeeting would take ages to finish. I actually cried on stage today which was a huge success since my character was to at least get really affected by the ending. However due to the whole whippage that I've gone through from Hannah, I was really into the whole show today for a change. I just felt a bit more confident today.

One cast member, not naming names, was not really happy that he didn't get complimented and I could see that. In fact, after today, I realized that there were a lot of kids in our cast. There was a guy who wrote something that REALLY cracked me up in the program book, which I really hope was supposed to be funny or else it'll be a laughing shame on what he really wrote on it. There was another guy who asked Hannah THREE times (yes I counted) for compliments. It came to the point that he REALLY wanted to be complimented and that made me realize how stupid I would've sounded in the earlier days if I'd kept on with my Hein rage towards La Mancha. I guess it's a bit immature to be pampered throughout the whole show. Hannah meant well and she is a good person after all. So, I guess being 27 and the second oldest in the cast group, makes me see how stupid we can be whilst we're young. I think all of us should just learn to take responsibilities and just laugh things out.

Ness, on the other hand, and her orchestra got this huge ass shoutage from Hannah today and deep inside I was hoping Ness would not be that upset about it. And to my expectations, Ness handled it quite maturely. She didn't mention anything about it and just strived on and in the end, she just brought it up with a normal tone that they were actually playing the correct number. I was very proud of how mature Ness is and was really happy that I've chosen a mature person as one of my close friends. Ness, if you're reading this, I know how hard you must've taken it cos I've taken a bit of Hannah's whiplash in the past rehearsals but yeah, we did well and I have to say the orchestra was WAY WAY WAY better than our last run. Haha, naturally of course Hannah had some critiques to say to that. lol

I am just happy that somehow I've learnt a lot throughout this journey and tomorrow night is the real show on the first night of performance. I guess Hannah gave me what I wanted. The fact that I was treated professionally and trained with harsh yet useful honesty. I guess I'm getting a bit tired of too much pamperings anyways. Plus, this is not revue and I believe that all of us had signed up for a good show. Not a self-reflection from others for the whole world to hear how good you are.

And on a brighter note, I got to talk to this guy who I was attracted to and I even got his name. I found out that he has three names. So, I called him a name that is the combination of all of his names, which ends up to "Brames". I'm not really even sure he swings my way but I've been enjoying his attention and somehow I felt like there was a bit of a flirt going on between us and my gaydar beeps whenever I interact with him. Well, even if he wasn't someone who swings my way, it was fun getting his attention.

Speaking of attention, the gym cafe guy had finally said he's coming to la mancha. I'm not sure if he really is but he seems quite confident about the fact that he's coming. All I have to do is give him a pamphlet tomorrow. Stupid me for forgetting it today. I just hope he doesn't come on the day Wind and Kieran are coming. I know Kieran has a boyfriend of his own and we're close friends but whenever he's around, I become this major magnet towards him and just get absorbed to him. Urgh the utter agony of gravity some men have on me!!!!

Music: Alanis Morissette - Underneath

Mood: tired but really really happy

La Mancha Bump In / The Closet Issue

So, long ago and I hate myself whenever I talk about this, BUT this is relevant. So, remember "Will"? I've mentioned him in an earlier blog and he's one of my good friends. Well, was. Now, he's just meh. And yes it's a code name. When he came out to me, I did try my best to be supportive to the whole 'omg i'm gay'ness. He was quite negative about a lot of things, which was fine and forgiveable since coming out of the closet is a bit harsh for any men to take. But, things got worse when he paid me out on a lot of occasions in front of others for being a homosexual. He even made it seem like it was a title I live by. Let me make it clear once again that I love men and I prefer men as a gender preference and I DO NOT really have issues with gay guys ANYMORE like I used to when I was confused. And, they are beautiful in their own ways and I am quite very ok in my skin. So, when Will ( ooo I can highlight code names now) was making such a big fuzz about my life and even comparing it to some gay slut whores as opposed to those good gay people, I got pissed off and it fucken pisses me off.

Now, I just found out that one of the cast members for the musical play I'm doing (the man of la mancha) is gay. Now, let's call him Dion. Dion and I met through La Mancha. He is quite cute but not really up to my liking or my type but he's a nice guy UNTIL he started to pay me out for the whole gay thing. He would tease me cos my character's a bit gay at times as opposed to being the straight muleteer. I took it all in but at times when you're stressed you get pissed off. So, me thinking he's straight, I forgave him cos it doesn't really hurt when straight guys badmouth gay guys cos it's more of like 'you're missing out and you dont' know shit I forgive you' thing. However, when gay guys do that, it REALLY pisses me off cos if they themselves are one, why bother paying others out. As a comical insult, I can stand but as a mockery to someone's face, that's fucked up. So, I have forgiven him ever since until yesterday when I found out that he was with a boy. Well, why the fuck would you pay someone out when you yourself is a shit stirrer, get my point?

Well, the bump in was soo good by the way. I felt useful for once. Med/Cse revues bump ins were more of socializing and a day that I could just rest at home. I did enjoy them but only cos of my friends there and not cos I did anything useful since they're both heavy on tech people. But, la manchawise, I came back home with bruises. I was wiring our shields and I happen to be the only one who can wire shields with their handles and make any drilled holes work. I love Gemma. And, the tech run was draggy but quite interesting since I got to talk to more people than I normally would individually. I don't like the whole clan socializing and I prefer individual social dealing.

In the down side, one girl cried cos she screwed things up but it WAS NOT her fault and everyone knew that. She is one of my top 5 favorites in cast. One guy got pissed off with the director (assumingly) cos the director mouthed him off. I think she has the right to shout at him given that if he stepped one more step, the AD(assistant director), who was behind the object he was pushing, would've been flattened or killed. Somehow, I find the director can be harsh at times. She's not a bitch but she can be a witch at times. But, my respect and love for her can totally erase that out. I do love Hannah's work. I have to say she's a good director but we all stress at times, don't we?

On a brighter note, I got to know a lot of people better. I was dancing destiny's child 'lose my breath' with Chelsea and Julia during our down time. Pascal and I seem to get along so well too given that I'm the second oldest after him and he IS a sweet sweet man. Gemma and I were as before; I've always loved Gemma though. The weirdest thing was when I got to know Jen B better and she is JUST amazing and I became a bit of her bitch last night when she trust me with her work as a stage manager and she and scarlett were both really good to me as opposed to just being there being good to cast members. They were nice to me in a friendly way. I perved at some circusoc people since they were doing their show next door. Angus was so friendly to me too and he was the one who dropped me off at uni. I do have respect for Angus, despite his ever bad shit I've heard of him, but yeah he's nice to me so I can't complain and when someone you respect is being real nice to you, you DO feel fuzzed up. There was this other stage manager, a guy who knows he's hot. He reminds me of my uncle but he's hot IF ONLY HE SHAVE HIS ANNOYING MOUSTACHE. But yeah, a part of me thinks he and I exchanged glances. It might just be a co-incidence but he was nice to me as well. I like getting attention from hot people anyways. So, my top 5 friends of the cast are Pascal, Gemma, Chelsea, Julia and Sarah. Liz, on the other hand, is getting real comfy and nice to me. She gives me hugs and stuff but she was on a hang out spree with Bel yesterday. OMG I'm so excited about this show.

Music: Lee Ryan - Turn Your Car Around

Mood: la mancha'ed

Manly Date with Leah

Finally I got Paulbob and Robyn for my video today and it was sooo nice to bump into Nick and Robbie in a classroom. I do love Nick a lot and I miss him much cos he'd be just randomly coming into my house, bumming, watching dvd and just walking to coogee together and all that crap. He's like my boyfriend without the sex part cos I don't really see him much that way at all. Well, more of a bro I guess but since we're not bros, when two different individuals love each other more than friends, it's fuzzy. BUT NO, there's nothing going on with Nick and I love him lots and even if he turns gay the first thing I'll do would be laugh at him. You see, it's different with "Wind"(code name alert). Windwise, I have a crush on him mentally and physically so I always look at him like this object of desire as opposed to warm and fuzzy brotherly love though I have to admit when I thought he was straight, it was just pure friendship. Only now, things are quite fucked up in my head lol.

So, the choreograph for CSE revue went quite well. I was glad that the cast this time around was enthusiastic and eager as well as ours. Something better, they were all obedient since most of them were newbs unlike us with Tom Birch flying around and Arthur having too much fun and all that. So, cast this year's more of like a quiet group but then again, we're still in week 4. I think most of my dancers were good. I really like Anne's enthusiasm everytime they have my block. I also love the fact that Lisa is the most obedient and Tess, Veronica and Tracey always seem to have fun doing the dance. On the other hand, I still have my right hand men(more like women) Videesha and Charissa to guide me of any mistakes I've made. I have to say I was very impressed with Videesha's dance block cos it was quite original. Maddy's dance block looks REALLY good and it was an eye popper but the moves were all basic and shmeh but well this was her first dance blocking for revues. Robin's dance block was AWESOME. I know the moves were a bit hard and I know he can be a bit hard to understand since he's choreographed me as well but once you get his dance done, it looks fucken awesome and SOM's dance was very very well done. The fact that I didn't like the first song and yet his dance moves were soo fit to the song and it looks very enjoyable and WTF moonwalking? I don't even know how to do that shit.

It was nice to occasionally go outing with ur boss/manager as opposed to just working with them and that's the only time you see them, especially when they're one of your close friends. Leah and I thought of going to Star City buffet but when we got there, the queue was friggin huge. The football thing was on and can I just say that Australians are hungrier during football season. Seriously, the line was just HUGE. So, we went to Pancakes instead and the queue there was kinda long as well but kinda shorter as opposed to the Star City. One of the good reasons that I love Leah for is how she can be such a bloke and a girl at the same time. We ate like pigs, leaned back and burped our asses off and went shopping since the centre there at Darling Harbor is open til 9pm. I kinda realize that I am an impulsive shopper. I bought Dior perfume, which I DID NOT need but I've never seen 'Higher' sold at any other shops so I got all excited. Then, I bought this scarf cos it's got my favorite color combination, black, silver and blue. And I bought games at EB games and kinda asked Leah to get one too since it was buy 2 get one free. Now, that's another side of Leah that I did not know of. Such a geek!! All in all, it was a combination of guy/girls/boys night out.

Music: Heatmiser - Get Lucky

Mood: fat

My 5 Fav Songs

Air - Mike Mills

For some reason, this song was named after the music video director, Mike Mills, who directed some of Air's music videos. I wouldn't know why or anything but the music is so beautiful. It starts from this synched organ sound to a piano then a guitar and it's just a very chillout music. And to be honest, I wouldn't mind having sex with this song. It can also be a good laid back 'get laid' song as well.

Melody Gardot - Gone

The song itself makes me wanna cry but when I read about her, I just felt so inspired and I felt a bit teary at her courage. She was disabled when she made this album (cause of some accident in her younger years). This song, on the other hand, makes me think of my break ups as well. Cos she went "I won't wake up to the sound of your feet" and "by the time that I do, you'll be gone". It's such a heart breaking empathy-fishing song but it's just so good it always makes me go 'awww' and her scat in the middle is so unique yet awesome.

Gym Class Heroes - On my Own Time

The chorus, or whatever part of the song they keep repeating, reminds me of Green Day's wake me up (when september ends). But somehow, it's on my favorite track this week. I'm not really that much of a fan of Gym Class Heroes but this is one of their songs that I really like. I like it when hard pop group sings a softer tune. Like Green Day's Time of Your Life, 311's Amber or Sugar Ray's Ode to the Lonely Hearted.

Sophie Milman - Agua De Beber
For some reason, I'm addicted to boss nova lately. Maybe it's my age showing but yeah, I love jazzy bossa nova. Sophie sounds like that russian chick Regina Spektor and unsurprisingly, she is a Russian musician herself. There's something about Russian chicks' voice that I like. This song is just her scatting and singing some weird lyrics in English and some language. But yeah, a really chill out song.



Sam Sparro - Black and Gold
It's been a while since I've stopped listening to this song thanx to the nonstop radio airplays. But I happened to listen to it last few days and got addicted all over again. I have no idea who he is but I'm truly enjoying his song despite the repititive annoying airplay.

Carpet Burn and Me

Carpet burns and I walk the same path ALL THE TIME. It's annoying. When I did med revue, I got carpet burn on my knee which kinda took a week to heal and go all blacky and ugly. And today, I got a carpet burn on my elbow which made me bleed like a first time puberty hitting girl with a bad padding. No, ladies I am not making fun of you. If only you knew how I actually had to have a pad on two years ago, you'll understand how much I appreciate this annoying thing called menstruation that girls have to go through. So yeah, I bled horribly today. Nah, I don't think I did but it looked real read. I only need 8 more for my medrevue video shoot. *excited*

Music: Room Eleven - Sad Song

Mood: ouched

My Life with the Cappuccino

So, I did go to emily's bday despite my ever-blooming fatigue. If there was something in my life that blooms consistently and when unwanted, it should be either my exhaustion or laziness. It's just there unavoidably. But I was happy I went to Em's. I do like her a lot and I guess I'm beginning to really enjoy her company as opposed to just 'friends'. I guess I can trust her more than any other normal friends that I have. So, yeah definitely on my top list, that one. I was happy to see the cse revue crowd again. But my encounter was short since I had to go back home due to my unwanted 'tired' habit.

So, my 'gym cafe' flirting has been prospering to a great new level since Amelia noticed the guy looking at me once every few seconds while I would secretly steal glances at him. We even talked today. He asked me why I didn't sing in his cafe and I told him I didn't wanna chase his customers away and he said that would help him. Then, I was ordering my 'new found favorite' dosage of cappuccino and he was like 'What did you want again?' and I was like 'cappuccino' and he was like 'You wouldn't even know whatever I put in there and you would just take it'. The truth is I would when the only reason I've been ONLY drinking coffee from his cafe was just to talk to him or just talk to him. Then, I said 'Yeah, I wouldn't mind whatever you put in there'. My suggestion to him is "TAKE A HINT, TWINKFACE" Well, it's a simple pleasure of flirting with someone who you're attracted to I guess. I'm all talk in chatline these days since the day I had a big crush on "Wind"(code name again). I guess when you're in 'crushy like' with someone, you just don't wanna have sex with anyone random. I mean, I'm horny but I just can't get it on with anybody. It's weird if I have to admit it cos I'm the most sexual active person since the day I've been hitting gym but like these days I just can't get myself to letting go of myself to anyone. And nothing interests me much other than 'Wind' or the cafe guy. Or am I just getting really boring?

Music: Bright Eyes - First Day of My Life

Mood: in 'crushy like'

The 1337 Trivia

I felt a bit guilty after I wrote a wah letter to the med revue crowd but at times, it's a bit hard to be uber happy when it's so hard to catch all of them up. I mean, it's not their fault but trying to get 36 of them in a video is NOT easy but it's worth it cos it's fun and it brings me a smile everytime I edit it when I get home every night.

So, thanx to Alimoo's suggestion, we did something REALLY different today. Alex, Jen, Ali and I went to a pub for trivia. I'm not of good use in the 'trivia' department but I sure like to guess things and get randomly correct. At least I know who sang "When Smokey Sings" and which ad uses the motto "WASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSUP". So, I was quite happy that I was useful. On the other hand, it was nice to hang out with Jen, Alex and Ali again though it would've been better if Z was there. We won a bottle of wine. Cos, we came in second last and it was a good attempt I guess. I mean, we went home with a bottle of wine. It wasn't the wine but the fact that we went outta the pub unemptyhanded made me feel good. So, yeah trvia all the way baby!!!

The highlight of the night was when some old fat dude came and hit on Ali while Jen and I were buying drinks and food. He told her that she was the happiest person he's seen and he offered to buy her chips. Ok, I CAN understand guys buying girls drinks but CHIPS. Seriously, food is something you DO NOT wanna offer a chick, given it's something they're trying to avoid having too much of.... Well, someone must've felt wanted tonight.

By the way, our team name was '1337' (awww memories.. i love u guys)

Music: Jodeci - Freak'N You

Mood: 1337ed

Negativity Surrounds

It's been exactly 9 years and six months since my dad died. It's funny how I just happened to write this down only after 9 years and six months. I mean every month has an 11th. If I were in Burma, I'd be at his grave right now. I guess the stress from La Mancha is just driving me to be a bit mellow tonight. It's nothing bad about it. Just that everyone's stressing out and I'm getting nervous each and everyday. Hannah is a good director and her honesty is very impressively respectable but at times I do wish she see me trying my best. But at the same time, I do like it when she randomly compliments me as opposed to always going 'you did great today, Hein!'. As for me as a chreographer I just kept on GOING and GOING about how good they are. I guess it's different ways to approach people's state of minds and encourage.

I talked to two people today. Let's call them May and Will. Well, I talked to them separately. May was telling me about how she wasn't happy about this friend who's been spreading negativity around her. I never liked her friend anyways so I was kinda glad she has come to realization. It's sometimes ok to depend on your friend for support and warmth but at the same time, it's NOT ok to totally just not correct yourself and just rely every faux pas in your life on others to make things better especially when you could've rely on yourself and correct it. Will, on the other hand, is kinda sad about not being able to be with who he likes. And the whole thing about relationship has made him feel down once again. But that doesn't mean he should've felt so urgh about the things I was offering him to do for me. Well, you see, since I'm coding things now, it's complicated. But, yes, I was asking Will's help to help me out with a project, which I've volunteered to do for a certain group of people. It'd ONLY take about 10 to 20 minutes anyways. And due to his negative vibe, he wasn't that eager to do it. It hurts me especially I'm missing five days of gym to work on this project that would not get me any names or money or anything in return. I'm doing it cos I love the people I've been with and this is so far my contribution towards them. But yeah, negativity...

Negativity pisses me off. It makes people ugly. If we have the time to see the negativity in life, I'm sure we have the time to search for positivity in life. No one in this life is just fucked up and I'm sure both May's friend and Will have a good life but they just ignored it. So, people, just so you guys know, when you're in deep shit one day and at the moment where you can smile on that day.... THAT's when you should notice that that itself was a 'good' time if only you made a big deal outta it as much as the 'bad' time. So, think again... try to sift out the good times of your life.

May and I spotted Wind(yet another code name) and by the look that he gave me, I thought that he was happy to see me, which was good cos I was sure as hell happy to see him. I kinda double checked with May and she somehow hinted that as well. But as my very close friend May is, she didn't finalize her conclusions in case it would give me false hope about Wind.

Windwise, I KNOW for a fact that I like him cos
1. I did dream about him and woke up thinking about him first thing in the morning.
2. It's been three weeks I haven't done anything with people I could've got pleasure out of. I was asked to even socialize and do things accordingly but I didn't want to.
3. I dare not look him in the eyes for more than two seconds.

As we speak, the twink I'm perving at unigym cafe remains nameless and interestless. It's just a game I play to either get attention or give attention. It's a free world after all, right? :D

Music: Safri Duo - Rise

Mood: aware of negativity