Negativity Surrounds

It's been exactly 9 years and six months since my dad died. It's funny how I just happened to write this down only after 9 years and six months. I mean every month has an 11th. If I were in Burma, I'd be at his grave right now. I guess the stress from La Mancha is just driving me to be a bit mellow tonight. It's nothing bad about it. Just that everyone's stressing out and I'm getting nervous each and everyday. Hannah is a good director and her honesty is very impressively respectable but at times I do wish she see me trying my best. But at the same time, I do like it when she randomly compliments me as opposed to always going 'you did great today, Hein!'. As for me as a chreographer I just kept on GOING and GOING about how good they are. I guess it's different ways to approach people's state of minds and encourage.

I talked to two people today. Let's call them May and Will. Well, I talked to them separately. May was telling me about how she wasn't happy about this friend who's been spreading negativity around her. I never liked her friend anyways so I was kinda glad she has come to realization. It's sometimes ok to depend on your friend for support and warmth but at the same time, it's NOT ok to totally just not correct yourself and just rely every faux pas in your life on others to make things better especially when you could've rely on yourself and correct it. Will, on the other hand, is kinda sad about not being able to be with who he likes. And the whole thing about relationship has made him feel down once again. But that doesn't mean he should've felt so urgh about the things I was offering him to do for me. Well, you see, since I'm coding things now, it's complicated. But, yes, I was asking Will's help to help me out with a project, which I've volunteered to do for a certain group of people. It'd ONLY take about 10 to 20 minutes anyways. And due to his negative vibe, he wasn't that eager to do it. It hurts me especially I'm missing five days of gym to work on this project that would not get me any names or money or anything in return. I'm doing it cos I love the people I've been with and this is so far my contribution towards them. But yeah, negativity...

Negativity pisses me off. It makes people ugly. If we have the time to see the negativity in life, I'm sure we have the time to search for positivity in life. No one in this life is just fucked up and I'm sure both May's friend and Will have a good life but they just ignored it. So, people, just so you guys know, when you're in deep shit one day and at the moment where you can smile on that day.... THAT's when you should notice that that itself was a 'good' time if only you made a big deal outta it as much as the 'bad' time. So, think again... try to sift out the good times of your life.

May and I spotted Wind(yet another code name) and by the look that he gave me, I thought that he was happy to see me, which was good cos I was sure as hell happy to see him. I kinda double checked with May and she somehow hinted that as well. But as my very close friend May is, she didn't finalize her conclusions in case it would give me false hope about Wind.

Windwise, I KNOW for a fact that I like him cos
1. I did dream about him and woke up thinking about him first thing in the morning.
2. It's been three weeks I haven't done anything with people I could've got pleasure out of. I was asked to even socialize and do things accordingly but I didn't want to.
3. I dare not look him in the eyes for more than two seconds.

As we speak, the twink I'm perving at unigym cafe remains nameless and interestless. It's just a game I play to either get attention or give attention. It's a free world after all, right? :D

Music: Safri Duo - Rise

Mood: aware of negativity