La Mancha Dress Run: The Realization

I learnt something from tonight's dress run at la mancha. Despite the fact that Hannah had been a bit whip-lash-ish during the past few days, I think it's come to a good result. I know I was kinda complaining about how she can resemble a witch at times though I did justify that she meant things well, I think whatever she did had prompted the best from me. Today, although I wasn't given any compliments about anything, I feel so brave and good about what I've done. There were some few things that I have fucked up on but I noticed that whichever that I've stopped making mistakes in were all caused by whatever that Hannah did. I've always wanted to be treated professionally. This was the real deal I guess. I wasn't paid for doing this but I felt like I was treated like I was paid for it. It makes me feel really achieving after all this shit-holed nights that I've gone through. So, if you ask me, whatever Hannah did to me, which was basically giving critiques and being less complimentary about other stuffs towards me, had made me so much better. I think that I don't really deserve to know which parts I did best and all that since it's time consuming and if I was to be praised for a thing or two, I'm sure the other cast members would deserve praises as well and the whole aftermeeting would take ages to finish. I actually cried on stage today which was a huge success since my character was to at least get really affected by the ending. However due to the whole whippage that I've gone through from Hannah, I was really into the whole show today for a change. I just felt a bit more confident today.

One cast member, not naming names, was not really happy that he didn't get complimented and I could see that. In fact, after today, I realized that there were a lot of kids in our cast. There was a guy who wrote something that REALLY cracked me up in the program book, which I really hope was supposed to be funny or else it'll be a laughing shame on what he really wrote on it. There was another guy who asked Hannah THREE times (yes I counted) for compliments. It came to the point that he REALLY wanted to be complimented and that made me realize how stupid I would've sounded in the earlier days if I'd kept on with my Hein rage towards La Mancha. I guess it's a bit immature to be pampered throughout the whole show. Hannah meant well and she is a good person after all. So, I guess being 27 and the second oldest in the cast group, makes me see how stupid we can be whilst we're young. I think all of us should just learn to take responsibilities and just laugh things out.

Ness, on the other hand, and her orchestra got this huge ass shoutage from Hannah today and deep inside I was hoping Ness would not be that upset about it. And to my expectations, Ness handled it quite maturely. She didn't mention anything about it and just strived on and in the end, she just brought it up with a normal tone that they were actually playing the correct number. I was very proud of how mature Ness is and was really happy that I've chosen a mature person as one of my close friends. Ness, if you're reading this, I know how hard you must've taken it cos I've taken a bit of Hannah's whiplash in the past rehearsals but yeah, we did well and I have to say the orchestra was WAY WAY WAY better than our last run. Haha, naturally of course Hannah had some critiques to say to that. lol

I am just happy that somehow I've learnt a lot throughout this journey and tomorrow night is the real show on the first night of performance. I guess Hannah gave me what I wanted. The fact that I was treated professionally and trained with harsh yet useful honesty. I guess I'm getting a bit tired of too much pamperings anyways. Plus, this is not revue and I believe that all of us had signed up for a good show. Not a self-reflection from others for the whole world to hear how good you are.

And on a brighter note, I got to talk to this guy who I was attracted to and I even got his name. I found out that he has three names. So, I called him a name that is the combination of all of his names, which ends up to "Brames". I'm not really even sure he swings my way but I've been enjoying his attention and somehow I felt like there was a bit of a flirt going on between us and my gaydar beeps whenever I interact with him. Well, even if he wasn't someone who swings my way, it was fun getting his attention.

Speaking of attention, the gym cafe guy had finally said he's coming to la mancha. I'm not sure if he really is but he seems quite confident about the fact that he's coming. All I have to do is give him a pamphlet tomorrow. Stupid me for forgetting it today. I just hope he doesn't come on the day Wind and Kieran are coming. I know Kieran has a boyfriend of his own and we're close friends but whenever he's around, I become this major magnet towards him and just get absorbed to him. Urgh the utter agony of gravity some men have on me!!!!

Music: Alanis Morissette - Underneath

Mood: tired but really really happy