It's reached the point where I'm so alone with my own element!! Like, first Steve did not wanna be my friend cos of my horrible schedule and overpartying with 'other' friends, which was a fault accusation that he has convinced himself true. KP's busy as always and he's usually free at times I'm not. So, I started to hang out with my workmates a lot and of course I look forward to weekends at my mom's with sis and mom. Now that they're leaving for Thailand, I guess it's gonna get worse than ever.
And the whole 'might be jobless' thing is just fucking me up as well..
but ah well... c'est la vie????
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Pressure!!
I guess the pressure is on...
my work contract ends in december
my sis/mom are gone!!
and i'll be busy with my album...
the thing here is.. i'll still be in burma
and looking for jobs is so annoying at the moment
urgh
my work contract ends in december
my sis/mom are gone!!
and i'll be busy with my album...
the thing here is.. i'll still be in burma
and looking for jobs is so annoying at the moment
urgh
Monday, November 23, 2009
Two
It's so hard.....
Friday night.. I was out with exboss and Pho. Pho's housemate turned out to be this Canadian gay boy and given he was gonna be there, I was a bit excited. Pho was WAY excited and exboss was just being exboss. I met him but it seemed like he wasn't really into me. I think he's cute as well but I wouldn't try hard to get to know him only cos I'm in the whole 'why should I bother if you're not into me' mood. So I partied on. It was funny cos I had to dance like a straight guy with my exboss whenever the guy she used to see would appear here and there. Some dude called Smithy also smiled at me and I have to say he's got the best perfume. And he kinda scratched my head on the dancefloor as a joke. I met the girl I used to have a huge crush on when I used to study at SSI. Pho came to me halfways and said 'Swe, likes you and he asked me if you've gone home.' Now, I know Pho was excited so I chose to not believe in what she said but I was kinda half happy given it's nice to know someone was into me. I went down, saw Mapleleaf and bought cigarettes with him. Talked a bit and then he disappeared off. So I was like 'ah well Pho's just being Pho... she's just hyperly excited over this matchmake that she's overanalyzed'....
These days.... CTG has been in my head. I've never met him before but things we talked about on facebook are just so deep. It's comfortable since we're both bottoms so we didn't really expect us to end up fucking each other. BUT we both have a huge appreciation for each other.. I couldn't stop thinking about him whenever I'm bored. And it's endless messages on facebook and just bouncy conversation that really got me into him...
Today... things happened..
CTG and I kinda had a more honest message session. I told him I think about him a lot and he said the same. We both kinda assured each other that we're not freaked out. He also said things like 'can't wait to see u to give u hugs and kisses' bla bla.. I was just happy we had a mutual moment today....
On the other hand, Mapleleaf messged me on facebook...
and he doesn't actually have my account.. nor have me added
"hey it was really great meeting you the other night, apologies if i was a bit aloof, i was in a strange mood...
would love to get together sometime.
let me know, "
hmm... now why do good things come in the form of 'two'?
Friday night.. I was out with exboss and Pho. Pho's housemate turned out to be this Canadian gay boy and given he was gonna be there, I was a bit excited. Pho was WAY excited and exboss was just being exboss. I met him but it seemed like he wasn't really into me. I think he's cute as well but I wouldn't try hard to get to know him only cos I'm in the whole 'why should I bother if you're not into me' mood. So I partied on. It was funny cos I had to dance like a straight guy with my exboss whenever the guy she used to see would appear here and there. Some dude called Smithy also smiled at me and I have to say he's got the best perfume. And he kinda scratched my head on the dancefloor as a joke. I met the girl I used to have a huge crush on when I used to study at SSI. Pho came to me halfways and said 'Swe,
These days.... CTG has been in my head. I've never met him before but things we talked about on facebook are just so deep. It's comfortable since we're both bottoms so we didn't really expect us to end up fucking each other. BUT we both have a huge appreciation for each other.. I couldn't stop thinking about him whenever I'm bored. And it's endless messages on facebook and just bouncy conversation that really got me into him...
Today... things happened..
CTG and I kinda had a more honest message session. I told him I think about him a lot and he said the same. We both kinda assured each other that we're not freaked out. He also said things like 'can't wait to see u to give u hugs and kisses' bla bla.. I was just happy we had a mutual moment today....
On the other hand, Mapleleaf messged me on facebook...
and he doesn't actually have my account.. nor have me added
"hey it was really great meeting you the other night, apologies if i was a bit aloof, i was in a strange mood...
would love to get together sometime.
let me know, "
hmm... now why do good things come in the form of 'two'?
Two
It's so hard.....
Friday night.. I was out with exboss and Pho. Pho's housemate turned out to be this Canadian gay boy and given he was gonna be there, I was a bit excited. Pho was WAY excited and exboss was just being exboss. I met him but it seemed like he wasn't really into me. I think he's cute as well but I wouldn't try hard to get to know him only cos I'm in the whole 'why should I bother if you're not into me' mood. So I partied on. It was funny cos I had to dance like a straight guy with my exboss whenever the guy she used to see would appear here and there. Some dude called Smithy also smiled at me and I have to say he's got the best perfume. And he kinda scratched my head on the dancefloor as a joke. I met the girl I used to have a huge crush on when I used to study at SSI. Pho came to me halfways and said 'Swe, likes you and he asked me if you've gone home.' Now, I know Pho was excited so I chose to not believe in what she said but I was kinda half happy given it's nice to know someone was into me. I went down, saw Mapleleaf and bought cigarettes with him. Talked a bit and then he disappeared off. So I was like 'ah well Pho's just being Pho... she's just hyperly excited over this matchmake that she's overanalyzed'....
These days.... CTG has been in my head. I've never met him before but things we talked about on facebook are just so deep. It's comfortable since we're both bottoms so we didn't really expect us to end up fucking each other. BUT we both have a huge appreciation for each other.. I couldn't stop thinking about him whenever I'm bored. And it's endless messages on facebook and just bouncy conversation that really got me into him...
Today... things happened..
CTG and I kinda had a more honest message session. I told him I think about him a lot and he said the same. We both kinda assured each other that we're not freaked out. He also said things like 'can't wait to see u to give u hugs and kisses' bla bla.. I was just happy we had a mutual moment today....
On the other hand, Mapleleaf messged me on facebook...
and he doesn't actually have my account.. nor have me added
"hey it was really great meeting you the other night, apologies if i was a bit aloof, i was in a strange mood...
would love to get together sometime.
let me know, "
hmm... now why do good things come in the form of 'two'?
Friday night.. I was out with exboss and Pho. Pho's housemate turned out to be this Canadian gay boy and given he was gonna be there, I was a bit excited. Pho was WAY excited and exboss was just being exboss. I met him but it seemed like he wasn't really into me. I think he's cute as well but I wouldn't try hard to get to know him only cos I'm in the whole 'why should I bother if you're not into me' mood. So I partied on. It was funny cos I had to dance like a straight guy with my exboss whenever the guy she used to see would appear here and there. Some dude called Smithy also smiled at me and I have to say he's got the best perfume. And he kinda scratched my head on the dancefloor as a joke. I met the girl I used to have a huge crush on when I used to study at SSI. Pho came to me halfways and said 'Swe,
These days.... CTG has been in my head. I've never met him before but things we talked about on facebook are just so deep. It's comfortable since we're both bottoms so we didn't really expect us to end up fucking each other. BUT we both have a huge appreciation for each other.. I couldn't stop thinking about him whenever I'm bored. And it's endless messages on facebook and just bouncy conversation that really got me into him...
Today... things happened..
CTG and I kinda had a more honest message session. I told him I think about him a lot and he said the same. We both kinda assured each other that we're not freaked out. He also said things like 'can't wait to see u to give u hugs and kisses' bla bla.. I was just happy we had a mutual moment today....
On the other hand, Mapleleaf messged me on facebook...
and he doesn't actually have my account.. nor have me added
"hey it was really great meeting you the other night, apologies if i was a bit aloof, i was in a strange mood...
would love to get together sometime.
let me know, "
hmm... now why do good things come in the form of 'two'?
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Practice what You Preach
The trip to the Mon state was awesome... only cos I got to hang out with the enumerators from work. Yes, I work with a humanitarian group where we produce reviews in order to give statistical results from surveys that these enumerators take from affected areas in burma. Well, affected from cyclone Nargis. In order to do this, they have to go through miles and miles of dangerous, risky, tiring and quite weather-unfriendly journey. I was asked to act as a focal point while they were out in the field and for them to actually accept things I said, it was more than nice to know they talk nice to me. I mean, most of these people has done these surveys before and it's nice that they actually compromise with me, who's NEVER been out in the field.
Better yet, some of them told me that they actually thought I'd be scary or just weird but they were so happy that I turned out to be fun and just clowny. And it was nice to get the 'King' award during the dinner even though it was a set up from them to make sure I get to embarass myself in front of everyone with the 'queen', who happened to be my colleague, who's gorgeous. It was also nice that I got to sing 'Especially for you' with my exboss.
But....
there's always a but. Well, I did blog about my thoughts about Moby and how I've reconciled my evil thoughts on him and actually have tried to work as hard as I can for him. Well, now it's the facilitator.
We hired this man, a great man. He's a big professor. He was also there to give us a workshop regarding 'team management' and this time round, he was there to give us a workshop on 'feedback and lesson learnt'. I loved him and I had so much respect for him... until..
it was lunch time and the place where we all holidayed in, being away from yangon, was not usually full of people. We had like forty of us and I'm sure it was a lot for this much people in one place for lunch. So, the waiters were acceptionally slow. Actually it's not acceptable but like, there's just nothing to be so angry about. Professor chucked the most ridiculous tantrum on the waiters. Now, I've been a waiter and if anyone does that to me, I'd be VERY angry. I might even cry. Professor just shouted at them and abused them verbally. Now, who would've thought a professor who lectures on 'team management' and 'respect and patience' would be so opposite in real life... He was also angry at some of our team members during the workshop as well and that totally pissed me off. I rather people practise what they preach..
I was very surprised and every drop of respect I had for professor isn't there any longer.
Better yet, some of them told me that they actually thought I'd be scary or just weird but they were so happy that I turned out to be fun and just clowny. And it was nice to get the 'King' award during the dinner even though it was a set up from them to make sure I get to embarass myself in front of everyone with the 'queen', who happened to be my colleague, who's gorgeous. It was also nice that I got to sing 'Especially for you' with my exboss.
But....
there's always a but. Well, I did blog about my thoughts about Moby and how I've reconciled my evil thoughts on him and actually have tried to work as hard as I can for him. Well, now it's the facilitator.
We hired this man, a great man. He's a big professor. He was also there to give us a workshop regarding 'team management' and this time round, he was there to give us a workshop on 'feedback and lesson learnt'. I loved him and I had so much respect for him... until..
it was lunch time and the place where we all holidayed in, being away from yangon, was not usually full of people. We had like forty of us and I'm sure it was a lot for this much people in one place for lunch. So, the waiters were acceptionally slow. Actually it's not acceptable but like, there's just nothing to be so angry about. Professor chucked the most ridiculous tantrum on the waiters. Now, I've been a waiter and if anyone does that to me, I'd be VERY angry. I might even cry. Professor just shouted at them and abused them verbally. Now, who would've thought a professor who lectures on 'team management' and 'respect and patience' would be so opposite in real life... He was also angry at some of our team members during the workshop as well and that totally pissed me off. I rather people practise what they preach..
I was very surprised and every drop of respect I had for professor isn't there any longer.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Chat with an Ex-Crush (who's a girl)
ex-crush: hey what sup
u still in burma
ex-crush: From now until Spring...Aja Aja Fighting Woiiiii!!!!!
Me: yeah
:)
it's not as if i'm gonna move out in a week lol
how's u
ex-crush: i am good busy with training
hehe
how is burma
any new things
Me: it's hot as hell
nah not excitingly new lol
ex-crush: i heard kids now a days are spoiled
and just go out and use their parents money
and not try to work or be something
Me: spoilt is 'mildly' puttinh iy
putting it
i don't know how some can stay
i've been panicking a lot cos i'm gonna be jobless in a month
n i have NO IDEA how these kids can just sit and use their parents' money
ex-crush: u serious
so the rumor is true
how bad are they
Me: well, most are poor though
like
there are no cool kids around
ex-crush: hmm
gso the rich kids dont care
and the poor kids are just poor
Me: yeah
it's two extremes
n like u know back in our times
like
we were actually cool
ex-crush: hahahhahahahaha
Me: like not as in prom queen school jock cool
ex-crush: were we
Me: WAHAHAHAHAHA
i mean.. we were sane
these days... people rarely talk
we do things.. u know
like hang out
these days rich kids just go oversea
so u got all these loud, rude country bumpkins in city marts
not that i have issues with country bumpkin but their 'cutting in lines' and their 'volume turbo' piss me off
ex-crush: ah
well they dont know any better
arent there any good looking ones
i heard there are more good looking kids
no
liek girls arehotter
Me: NO FRIGGIN WAY!!!!!!!!!!!
ok maybe the girls can actually apply make up now a days
finally
Sent at 8:24 AM on Tuesday
ex-crush: hahahhaha
u r funny
Me: but they all look like this one mannequin
i can't tell models apart, u know
ex-crush: lol
Me: all look the same
ex-crush: for real
Me: it's like one prototype
Sent at 8:29 AM on Tuesday
ex-crush: hahaha
awwwww
so will i and my sis
stand out
if i come back
lol
Me: nah u guys shouldn't even be compared period
last time i checked, i know i have taste
and i used to have a crush on u
so i'm SURE u guys shouldn't even be in that crowd
hopefully we can have a 'movable' white picket fence around u guys wahahahahaha
ex-crush: hahahhahaha
u did
u have a crush on me
when lol
Me: duh
thought it was obvious
last time we hung out
ex-crush: no
dude
i am very naive
i dont know when guys li eme
or when they flirt
hehe
Me: i didn't expect u to know either though lol
i mean... i hate fucking up friendship
ex-crush: u werent that obvious
about it i guess
u had a crush or u liek me?
Me: in all honesty, i love having u around
u're like this package of fun and sanity
n for an international student, u were really nice to me
i mean for someone from ISY i meant
plus, it's been a while since our parents met
n still u guys were like totally nice
hmm i'd say crush cos i do like u a lot as a friend
plus, i'm still confused about my 'sexuality' so i'm not good with 'categories' lol
ex-crush: ahhh
hehe
u like men too
i figured
Me: well... want me to tell u how it's happened?
like... i like men sexually.. it's hard to actually appreciate them
whereas i do like girls to the point where i want them around or just take care of them
but yeah i have no idea what's what
so yeah.. i am le confused
ex-crush: sure i am open to anything and trust me i wont judge you . i have tons of gay friends and bisexual too hehe
i love gay friends
Me: hahahaha
can u just treat me like ur old pal?
n not this overrated gay dude
lol
btw, i'm not that gay gay though
ex-crush: i dont care u r you
and that is how it will be with me
whether u r gay
not gay
straight
bi
tri
Me: wahahahah
tri eh
u know.. when i worked for a jeans shop
i said 'bisexual' for 'unisex'
ex-crush: u r still heiny poo to me
haha
hahahah
Me: like 'are these jeans for men'
ex-crush: u should have said
Me: i said 'they're bisexual'
ex-crush: multisexual
haha
Me: awww n u'll always be the may win oo that i've known since i was a kid
wAHAHAHAHAHA multisexual
wAHAHAHAHA
ex-crush: hahaha
seriously what do u truly think of me
what made u have a crush on me
lol
thinking about it we have known each other for more than ten years lol
Sent at 8:45 AM on Tuesday
Me: yeah i guess it was the comfort zone
well, u do look pretty
u have these eyes that just have these glow
like ding ding
whenever u get excited they would get so wide they form creases under them
and like u would start smiling and u'd be all jumpy about it
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA woh.. i sounded quite creepy just then
but i think it's more of ur personality
like
ex-crush: hold on let me read haha
Me: u always look at things frm a better perspectives
ok
ex-crush: keep typing
Me: hahahaha
n u get excited at small things
and these small things do matter
it's not like 'o crap i forgot my fake eyelashes'
it's more like 'we could make this better by doing this and that'
n i envy the fact that u get along so much with ur family too
back then i wasn't
ex-crush: damn u know me so well
how u know i appreciate small things
Me: umm.
it's there to see DUH
ex-crush: did u see the me now...on faecebook. do i look the same
Me: yeah a bit of a grown up
u look like "mother's name"
ur mom
ex-crush: hahaha everyone said
that too
that my sis looks like dad
and i look like mom
Me: yeah
ex-crush: u saw my red lipstick pic
haha
Me: link me up
actually
i'm going to ur profile
ex-crush: u havent seen my profile pic eh
Me: it's the same as gtalk
ex-crush: yeah but there are more
in the album
of me
adn my sis
latest
hehehe
Me: hahahaha
yeah u are pretty
ex-crush: as afriend i wanna know do i look ok in red lipstick
Me: it makes u look like a dame
it looks ok
ex-crush: my sis tol dme to buy it hahaha
Me: but i prefer u in pink
ex-crush: dame?
what is a dame
Me: like u know
those ladies
ex-crush: i do have a fushia pink lipstick hehe i will wear it and show u
Me: yeah u better
btw for some reason, i thought u were married
ex-crush: huh
how can i be married
lol
Me: i don't know
ex-crush: how u think that
Me: saw ya with this guy on friendster
ex-crush: just cause u did doesnt mean
i am married man
that could be my bf
haha
Me: still with him?
ex-crush: which is it
tall
asian looking
or short tan
filapino looking
the one who is in my picture in facebook
that is who i have been with
for 4 years
asian tall
korean
u thnk he is cute?
Me: short tan
short tan is ugly
no offence
lemme check out mr kim chee
he looks like a nice guy
hahahah don't laugh, ok?
and don't freak out
but for some stupid reason, i feel a bit of my J-bone shaking
'jealous'
LOL
ex-crush: kk
Me: but it's not like i wanna kill ur bf
it's more like awww that's cute
damn it
lol
ex-crush: one sec
Sent at 9:05 AM on Tuesday
ex-crush: i am back
sorry was on the phone
Me: welcome back
ex-crush: u saw mr kim chi
hahaha
Me: u'r forgviven LOL
ex-crush: why u jealous
u wanna be my man instead
haha
so what u think
he cute
Me: hhahahahaha i don't think i'm fit enough to be ur man hahahaha
n honestly, kim chee's cute
i could tell he's a nice guy
i could be wrong but he looks good in pics
like this goofball with a happy go lucky face
ex-crush: hahaha
yeah
what u doing
working?
Me: supposedly
ex-crush: hahahha
ok man i will talk to u more tomorrow or something aiight i have to go to bed now
got work to do
tomorrow
miss u man
and keep it cool
:)
Me: u too
ex-crush: <3
Me: xox
see ya soon :)
u still in burma
ex-crush: From now until Spring...Aja Aja Fighting Woiiiii!!!!!
Me: yeah
:)
it's not as if i'm gonna move out in a week lol
how's u
ex-crush: i am good busy with training
hehe
how is burma
any new things
Me: it's hot as hell
nah not excitingly new lol
ex-crush: i heard kids now a days are spoiled
and just go out and use their parents money
and not try to work or be something
Me: spoilt is 'mildly' puttinh iy
putting it
i don't know how some can stay
i've been panicking a lot cos i'm gonna be jobless in a month
n i have NO IDEA how these kids can just sit and use their parents' money
ex-crush: u serious
so the rumor is true
how bad are they
Me: well, most are poor though
like
there are no cool kids around
ex-crush: hmm
gso the rich kids dont care
and the poor kids are just poor
Me: yeah
it's two extremes
n like u know back in our times
like
we were actually cool
ex-crush: hahahhahahahaha
Me: like not as in prom queen school jock cool
ex-crush: were we
Me: WAHAHAHAHAHA
i mean.. we were sane
these days... people rarely talk
we do things.. u know
like hang out
these days rich kids just go oversea
so u got all these loud, rude country bumpkins in city marts
not that i have issues with country bumpkin but their 'cutting in lines' and their 'volume turbo' piss me off
ex-crush: ah
well they dont know any better
arent there any good looking ones
i heard there are more good looking kids
no
liek girls arehotter
Me: NO FRIGGIN WAY!!!!!!!!!!!
ok maybe the girls can actually apply make up now a days
finally
Sent at 8:24 AM on Tuesday
ex-crush: hahahhaha
u r funny
Me: but they all look like this one mannequin
i can't tell models apart, u know
ex-crush: lol
Me: all look the same
ex-crush: for real
Me: it's like one prototype
Sent at 8:29 AM on Tuesday
ex-crush: hahaha
awwwww
so will i and my sis
stand out
if i come back
lol
Me: nah u guys shouldn't even be compared period
last time i checked, i know i have taste
and i used to have a crush on u
so i'm SURE u guys shouldn't even be in that crowd
hopefully we can have a 'movable' white picket fence around u guys wahahahahaha
ex-crush: hahahhahaha
u did
u have a crush on me
when lol
Me: duh
thought it was obvious
last time we hung out
ex-crush: no
dude
i am very naive
i dont know when guys li eme
or when they flirt
hehe
Me: i didn't expect u to know either though lol
i mean... i hate fucking up friendship
ex-crush: u werent that obvious
about it i guess
u had a crush or u liek me?
Me: in all honesty, i love having u around
u're like this package of fun and sanity
n for an international student, u were really nice to me
i mean for someone from ISY i meant
plus, it's been a while since our parents met
n still u guys were like totally nice
hmm i'd say crush cos i do like u a lot as a friend
plus, i'm still confused about my 'sexuality' so i'm not good with 'categories' lol
ex-crush: ahhh
hehe
u like men too
i figured
Me: well... want me to tell u how it's happened?
like... i like men sexually.. it's hard to actually appreciate them
whereas i do like girls to the point where i want them around or just take care of them
but yeah i have no idea what's what
so yeah.. i am le confused
ex-crush: sure i am open to anything and trust me i wont judge you . i have tons of gay friends and bisexual too hehe
i love gay friends
Me: hahahaha
can u just treat me like ur old pal?
n not this overrated gay dude
lol
btw, i'm not that gay gay though
ex-crush: i dont care u r you
and that is how it will be with me
whether u r gay
not gay
straight
bi
tri
Me: wahahahah
tri eh
u know.. when i worked for a jeans shop
i said 'bisexual' for 'unisex'
ex-crush: u r still heiny poo to me
haha
hahahah
Me: like 'are these jeans for men'
ex-crush: u should have said
Me: i said 'they're bisexual'
ex-crush: multisexual
haha
Me: awww n u'll always be the may win oo that i've known since i was a kid
wAHAHAHAHAHA multisexual
wAHAHAHAHA
ex-crush: hahaha
seriously what do u truly think of me
what made u have a crush on me
lol
thinking about it we have known each other for more than ten years lol
Sent at 8:45 AM on Tuesday
Me: yeah i guess it was the comfort zone
well, u do look pretty
u have these eyes that just have these glow
like ding ding
whenever u get excited they would get so wide they form creases under them
and like u would start smiling and u'd be all jumpy about it
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA woh.. i sounded quite creepy just then
but i think it's more of ur personality
like
ex-crush: hold on let me read haha
Me: u always look at things frm a better perspectives
ok
ex-crush: keep typing
Me: hahahaha
n u get excited at small things
and these small things do matter
it's not like 'o crap i forgot my fake eyelashes'
it's more like 'we could make this better by doing this and that'
n i envy the fact that u get along so much with ur family too
back then i wasn't
ex-crush: damn u know me so well
how u know i appreciate small things
Me: umm.
it's there to see DUH
ex-crush: did u see the me now...on faecebook. do i look the same
Me: yeah a bit of a grown up
u look like "mother's name"
ur mom
ex-crush: hahaha everyone said
that too
that my sis looks like dad
and i look like mom
Me: yeah
ex-crush: u saw my red lipstick pic
haha
Me: link me up
actually
i'm going to ur profile
ex-crush: u havent seen my profile pic eh
Me: it's the same as gtalk
ex-crush: yeah but there are more
in the album
of me
adn my sis
latest
hehehe
Me: hahahaha
yeah u are pretty
ex-crush: as afriend i wanna know do i look ok in red lipstick
Me: it makes u look like a dame
it looks ok
ex-crush: my sis tol dme to buy it hahaha
Me: but i prefer u in pink
ex-crush: dame?
what is a dame
Me: like u know
those ladies
ex-crush: i do have a fushia pink lipstick hehe i will wear it and show u
Me: yeah u better
btw for some reason, i thought u were married
ex-crush: huh
how can i be married
lol
Me: i don't know
ex-crush: how u think that
Me: saw ya with this guy on friendster
ex-crush: just cause u did doesnt mean
i am married man
that could be my bf
haha
Me: still with him?
ex-crush: which is it
tall
asian looking
or short tan
filapino looking
the one who is in my picture in facebook
that is who i have been with
for 4 years
asian tall
korean
u thnk he is cute?
Me: short tan
short tan is ugly
no offence
lemme check out mr kim chee
he looks like a nice guy
hahahah don't laugh, ok?
and don't freak out
but for some stupid reason, i feel a bit of my J-bone shaking
'jealous'
LOL
ex-crush: kk
Me: but it's not like i wanna kill ur bf
it's more like awww that's cute
damn it
lol
ex-crush: one sec
Sent at 9:05 AM on Tuesday
ex-crush: i am back
sorry was on the phone
Me: welcome back
ex-crush: u saw mr kim chi
hahaha
Me: u'r forgviven LOL
ex-crush: why u jealous
u wanna be my man instead
haha
so what u think
he cute
Me: hhahahahaha i don't think i'm fit enough to be ur man hahahaha
n honestly, kim chee's cute
i could tell he's a nice guy
i could be wrong but he looks good in pics
like this goofball with a happy go lucky face
ex-crush: hahaha
yeah
what u doing
working?
Me: supposedly
ex-crush: hahahha
ok man i will talk to u more tomorrow or something aiight i have to go to bed now
got work to do
tomorrow
miss u man
and keep it cool
:)
Me: u too
ex-crush: <3
Me: xox
see ya soon :)
Sunday, November 15, 2009
I Do Not Know Your Boyfriend!!!!
So this was my facebook status..
"Ra Ra Ra A A Roman Ro man man... Ga Ga Ooh La La" finally, third world country people can sing along to pop music!!! *joy*
and this doofus wrote..
doofus:I'm lovin miss gaga for dat song! Hopin Santa will get it for me for Christmas.
about an hour ago ·
me: sure i'll let {insert boyfriend's name} know about that.... and i'll make sure he get u the new gaga album as well... now all i have to do is add him to let him know what his boy wants!
me: o wait... u didn't hear that from me! *finds the delete button*
about an hour ago ·
and before I know it, doofus deleted me LOL..
so I gave him a message saying 'dude i won't add ur boyfriend'
and this is what he wrote...
doofus:
Cheers, I'm not pissed off, I just never add people i don't know. So your message bout adding {insert boyfriend's name} was a bit weird. Also, If {bf} found out that I'm still using 'Are you interested" he'd hit the roof. lol
n i said:
hahaha i understand, man!! :)
yeah, i didn't mean to go all rarrrr on u there..
it's just me i guess
sometimes i need to remember i DO NOT know this person enough to be all 'hey i'm gonna be all funny like i've known him for ten years'
if ur bf EVER ask about me, just tell him i used to be a waiter at one of the cafes where u are..
BUT OF COURSE, let me know beforehand
cute couple by the way, man!
:)
so it's a blogworthy incident LOL
i do not have any negative views on doofus..
but it was just funny..
and yes i was indeed weird
i agree
"Ra Ra Ra A A Roman Ro man man... Ga Ga Ooh La La" finally, third world country people can sing along to pop music!!! *joy*
and this doofus wrote..
doofus:I'm lovin miss gaga for dat song! Hopin Santa will get it for me for Christmas.
about an hour ago ·
me: sure i'll let {insert boyfriend's name} know about that.... and i'll make sure he get u the new gaga album as well... now all i have to do is add him to let him know what his boy wants!
me: o wait... u didn't hear that from me! *finds the delete button*
about an hour ago ·
and before I know it, doofus deleted me LOL..
so I gave him a message saying 'dude i won't add ur boyfriend'
and this is what he wrote...
doofus:
Cheers, I'm not pissed off, I just never add people i don't know. So your message bout adding {insert boyfriend's name} was a bit weird. Also, If {bf} found out that I'm still using 'Are you interested" he'd hit the roof. lol
n i said:
hahaha i understand, man!! :)
yeah, i didn't mean to go all rarrrr on u there..
it's just me i guess
sometimes i need to remember i DO NOT know this person enough to be all 'hey i'm gonna be all funny like i've known him for ten years'
if ur bf EVER ask about me, just tell him i used to be a waiter at one of the cafes where u are..
BUT OF COURSE, let me know beforehand
cute couple by the way, man!
:)
so it's a blogworthy incident LOL
i do not have any negative views on doofus..
but it was just funny..
and yes i was indeed weird
i agree
Lessons Learnt
It's kinda normal for me to learn a lot from life. I've been babbling
about love the past few days and today I was talking to ex-boss and I
realized that there are a lot of things I didn't know.
I have been a bt frustrated at work and I have blamed a lot of things
on my big boss, Moby. Yes it's true he's a bit of a micro-managing
fan.. but at the same time, I gotta realize that I came into this work
as an assitant and he has given me so much trust til the point that
he's given me trust at managing two database people and act as a
helping desk for the teams. I've learnt a lot more and I have
undermined his ability by convincing myself that he's micro-managing
me and stressing things out.
First of all, yes, he is a bit of a micro manager... but he's got his
good points... he has never shouted at any of our staffs and he has
always taken in our advices although it could be a bit of a pain when
he doesn't agree with what we suggest and he would stubbornly go on
with his 'wanting', no matter how inconvenient the method is. Well,
the thing here is 'who is the boss?'. I asked myself the question
"what if I were him....". Now, if I were the boss of something and I
have the freedom to manage schedules and arrange things, I would do it
in such a way that might not be agreed by all. Maybe, I might end up
with asking them for suggestions but all in all, the boss makes the
decisions!
Second, he was the one who chucked a payraise for me. He always makes
sure I'm doing things. So now that I know stuffs in details, I can be
a bit more ego-reliant and a bit too proud to actually go 'ok i'll do
it because you're right'. I'd be like 'no I know a better way'.
Third, you DO NOT bitch at work. That's the most immature thing to do.
The past few days, I have totally ranted about Moby to anyone who will
listen. At that time, it seems good but it is quite embarassing for
not only Moby, for being a bad boss, but also me, who has failed to
work things right with the team. I blame him for not having team
spirit but if I can't even seem to agree with him, I guess I'm the one
who's lacking team spirit, given he IS the boss and he knows what he's
doing.
And another thing I've learnt today was about my confidence. People
think I'm way confident when it comes to self presentation. I've been
known to be a good ice breaker or a good communicator. However, they
don't know I have a phobia, or should I call it a weakness. I am
scared to take risks that might make others not like me. I get worried
easily.
When the realization that I have bitched a lot about Moby striked me
today, I thought about St Patrick, who's like a mentor at work to me.
He's major awesome and I have somewhat been very honest with him and I
have sent him a very judging email all about how horrible Moby's
methodologies are. Now, St Patrick is gonna write my resume and I'm
sure this is something someone don't wanna recommend on and I felt so
uneasy thinking about how unprofessional of me to have ranted at him
about my boss. My ex-boss said she trusts St Patrick to be someone who
won't just judge you on a one time mistake making basis. She is quite
confident that I can learn from this and that St Patrick would know
that we can all learn from our mistakes and walk on.
And about the resume too.. I've been waiting for him to write one for
me. Why? Why? Yeah, I've never asked myself why. It only came to
thoughts when exboss asked me 'why don't you write ahead?'. Now, I
know St Patrick had read the one I've written and had stated how I
would never be hired if he were the employer and I was going for his
job. That kinda made me not write??? What was I thinking? Now, why
would someone wanna breastfeed me? I'm 28. And NO ONE looks for a
perfect resume. In fact, perfect resumes can be deceiving.
So, after talking to exboss, I could finally forgive Moby and could
learn to love and respect that guy. He might have his flaws but so do
I. It's useless to flaw myself over blaming him for his flaw. At the
same time, I have regained much more confident about the fact that I
could come up with something better for my resume.. and I have also
convinced myself that I could improve in any situtations....
about love the past few days and today I was talking to ex-boss and I
realized that there are a lot of things I didn't know.
I have been a bt frustrated at work and I have blamed a lot of things
on my big boss, Moby. Yes it's true he's a bit of a micro-managing
fan.. but at the same time, I gotta realize that I came into this work
as an assitant and he has given me so much trust til the point that
he's given me trust at managing two database people and act as a
helping desk for the teams. I've learnt a lot more and I have
undermined his ability by convincing myself that he's micro-managing
me and stressing things out.
First of all, yes, he is a bit of a micro manager... but he's got his
good points... he has never shouted at any of our staffs and he has
always taken in our advices although it could be a bit of a pain when
he doesn't agree with what we suggest and he would stubbornly go on
with his 'wanting', no matter how inconvenient the method is. Well,
the thing here is 'who is the boss?'. I asked myself the question
"what if I were him....". Now, if I were the boss of something and I
have the freedom to manage schedules and arrange things, I would do it
in such a way that might not be agreed by all. Maybe, I might end up
with asking them for suggestions but all in all, the boss makes the
decisions!
Second, he was the one who chucked a payraise for me. He always makes
sure I'm doing things. So now that I know stuffs in details, I can be
a bit more ego-reliant and a bit too proud to actually go 'ok i'll do
it because you're right'. I'd be like 'no I know a better way'.
Third, you DO NOT bitch at work. That's the most immature thing to do.
The past few days, I have totally ranted about Moby to anyone who will
listen. At that time, it seems good but it is quite embarassing for
not only Moby, for being a bad boss, but also me, who has failed to
work things right with the team. I blame him for not having team
spirit but if I can't even seem to agree with him, I guess I'm the one
who's lacking team spirit, given he IS the boss and he knows what he's
doing.
And another thing I've learnt today was about my confidence. People
think I'm way confident when it comes to self presentation. I've been
known to be a good ice breaker or a good communicator. However, they
don't know I have a phobia, or should I call it a weakness. I am
scared to take risks that might make others not like me. I get worried
easily.
When the realization that I have bitched a lot about Moby striked me
today, I thought about St Patrick, who's like a mentor at work to me.
He's major awesome and I have somewhat been very honest with him and I
have sent him a very judging email all about how horrible Moby's
methodologies are. Now, St Patrick is gonna write my resume and I'm
sure this is something someone don't wanna recommend on and I felt so
uneasy thinking about how unprofessional of me to have ranted at him
about my boss. My ex-boss said she trusts St Patrick to be someone who
won't just judge you on a one time mistake making basis. She is quite
confident that I can learn from this and that St Patrick would know
that we can all learn from our mistakes and walk on.
And about the resume too.. I've been waiting for him to write one for
me. Why? Why? Yeah, I've never asked myself why. It only came to
thoughts when exboss asked me 'why don't you write ahead?'. Now, I
know St Patrick had read the one I've written and had stated how I
would never be hired if he were the employer and I was going for his
job. That kinda made me not write??? What was I thinking? Now, why
would someone wanna breastfeed me? I'm 28. And NO ONE looks for a
perfect resume. In fact, perfect resumes can be deceiving.
So, after talking to exboss, I could finally forgive Moby and could
learn to love and respect that guy. He might have his flaws but so do
I. It's useless to flaw myself over blaming him for his flaw. At the
same time, I have regained much more confident about the fact that I
could come up with something better for my resume.. and I have also
convinced myself that I could improve in any situtations....
Friday, November 13, 2009
It Sucks
It sucks... cos the straight guy who you think is hot from your uni came out to you and now, he's opening up to you and having the best intimate convo with you.... and before you know it, you realize you're not in sydney anymore....
I do care about him a lot but I just don't have the time or any chance to get to know him better... and it sucks so bad cos I just know this is the best timing to bond and get to know each other
for whatever it's worth, he's gonna be my friend though...
I don't really wish for a boyfriend or anything much for the time being.....
but deep inside I know he'll be one of the best shoulders to lean on to watch dvd's while he chomp on his popcorn :)
I do care about him a lot but I just don't have the time or any chance to get to know him better... and it sucks so bad cos I just know this is the best timing to bond and get to know each other
for whatever it's worth, he's gonna be my friend though...
I don't really wish for a boyfriend or anything much for the time being.....
but deep inside I know he'll be one of the best shoulders to lean on to watch dvd's while he chomp on his popcorn :)
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Pointless Soothings
It's one thing to be happy with the fact that because you've taken good care of yourself and because you have rebuilt your confidence, you could somewhat glow better than before. It's also great that you get many hits and people who actually give a shit to talk to you online from AYI on facebook, given they're far away from you. But then it's also another thing to feel like there's no point to it.
I've been on a flirt frenzy with more than three guys from AYI. It makes me feel good about myself cos they're actually the conversing type that would just keep talking to you and flirt regardless of where you are. But at the end of day, they're gonna end up enjoying their nights with other guys. It's not that much of a bad thing. Of course they have every rights to. But come to think of it, they won't think of you nor know who you are once the chat's finished. It's like 'welcome back life, goodbye chatter'
I guess I'm lonely these days.. not the depressive type
just need company
and I don't mean the 'friends' type
I've been on a flirt frenzy with more than three guys from AYI. It makes me feel good about myself cos they're actually the conversing type that would just keep talking to you and flirt regardless of where you are. But at the end of day, they're gonna end up enjoying their nights with other guys. It's not that much of a bad thing. Of course they have every rights to. But come to think of it, they won't think of you nor know who you are once the chat's finished. It's like 'welcome back life, goodbye chatter'
I guess I'm lonely these days.. not the depressive type
just need company
and I don't mean the 'friends' type
Sunday, November 8, 2009
The Game of Love part 2
Continuing from yesterday's talk of the game of love contributed partially by my exboss, today's topic is contributed by my other friend, who's also like a big sister to me. Let's call her Bumblebee. So, she's been seeing this guy, P, and I'm one of the only few people she's told.
Sex is there but the whole uncertainty is there and I guess you could call this the 'chasing' period. Cos chasing consists of any doable things until you reach the final 'official title giving' era. Now, Bumblebee and I were talking and I noticed how calm she was about this whole thing though she would melt once in a while everytime she gets a message from him. But I guess after talking to her for a while, I learnt yet another thing, or shall I say secret, of the game of love.
I was pretty pissed off when Red called me a friend after we held hands and such and that had caused like a whole week of bad blog entries, which left me all tired and such. Yes, it's good I got rid of him but I guess I should not have been affected by what he did cos in all honesty, despite the fact that I don't really have any respect for him anymore, I think he did the right thing.
Why?
Well, in part one of this deep 'thinking out loud' blog entry, I have mentioned how we should not take into account of the era of the chase. It's not worth the trouble going through when all you do is just chasing and giving out impressions to each other. So, this does call for an unsure era as well.
What I'd normally do when I'm chasing or is being chased by someone is get all excited and tell all my friends. When things don't work, let alone the rejection effect, but it feels a bit weird to get sympathy from my friends. I know it's all in good means but seriously, that's the last thing I would like to get. It's even worse when they see you so upset after a denial of something that hasn't even started.
So, I guess the right thing to do here is to NOT tell ALL your friends during the chase. This would not only do you good but this would also stop your chaser/chasee from freaking out. I remember Kieran getting a bit shifty when I told him that I told my friends about him and when I took him to my trivia, he felt a bit uneasy. So, in order to avoid any confusions or anything that would affect this period where only TWO people matters, try not to tell your friends stuff. Same thing goes for Red. I told Steve and KP and Steve started getting all protective over me and telling me things that kinda DID affect my judgements on Red.
It's a game started... why announce it until you've achieved something out of it.
Sex is there but the whole uncertainty is there and I guess you could call this the 'chasing' period. Cos chasing consists of any doable things until you reach the final 'official title giving' era. Now, Bumblebee and I were talking and I noticed how calm she was about this whole thing though she would melt once in a while everytime she gets a message from him. But I guess after talking to her for a while, I learnt yet another thing, or shall I say secret, of the game of love.
I was pretty pissed off when Red called me a friend after we held hands and such and that had caused like a whole week of bad blog entries, which left me all tired and such. Yes, it's good I got rid of him but I guess I should not have been affected by what he did cos in all honesty, despite the fact that I don't really have any respect for him anymore, I think he did the right thing.
Why?
Well, in part one of this deep 'thinking out loud' blog entry, I have mentioned how we should not take into account of the era of the chase. It's not worth the trouble going through when all you do is just chasing and giving out impressions to each other. So, this does call for an unsure era as well.
What I'd normally do when I'm chasing or is being chased by someone is get all excited and tell all my friends. When things don't work, let alone the rejection effect, but it feels a bit weird to get sympathy from my friends. I know it's all in good means but seriously, that's the last thing I would like to get. It's even worse when they see you so upset after a denial of something that hasn't even started.
So, I guess the right thing to do here is to NOT tell ALL your friends during the chase. This would not only do you good but this would also stop your chaser/chasee from freaking out. I remember Kieran getting a bit shifty when I told him that I told my friends about him and when I took him to my trivia, he felt a bit uneasy. So, in order to avoid any confusions or anything that would affect this period where only TWO people matters, try not to tell your friends stuff. Same thing goes for Red. I told Steve and KP and Steve started getting all protective over me and telling me things that kinda DID affect my judgements on Red.
It's a game started... why announce it until you've achieved something out of it.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
The Game of Love Part 1
It seems like everyday I've been philosophizing about love. I don't know why but being alone and single makes you think. I think this is what my ex flatmate meant by 'alone time', time to your own self. I DO also think about life and work but if things are not meant to happen, no matter what I do, it won't be there. So, since my life is all about work, love and family, I basically think a lot about love. It's true that I do feel lonely most of the times though I'm not that much of a complainer about it. But, it makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong. Some people tell me that I'm too good for others. That makes me feel good but seriously why would you wanna be the only 'normal' one when the majority is totally opposite of you. That would also make them the 'normal' one.
Some say "Hein you're too nice and too good for the gay community". I don't buy that. I feel good but that won't make me feel uber awesome. It actually even makes me lonelier than I would've felt not knowing this. So, I was at work today and after doing what I had to do, I hung around with ex-boss who's actually my boss now AGAIN.
My relationship with ex-boss has accumulated and it has reached the point where we're so comfortable with each other and we're almost like siblings. I even told her that she'd be fun to date if only I was into girls to which she just smiled and not make things awkward. We are just so similar yet different in so many ways.
So, we went for lunch and as usual, we talked about 'love'. It's funny because that's the only topic she started to trust me with things on. It seems like I'm like her only girlfriend who would listen to her and kinda put two cents whenever I have to when it comes to people she's dating, seeing or just chasing in general. I find it quite honoring and it's very useful for me since I learnt a lot.
There were some things she mentioned today that totally made me think and I could so relate and despite the fact that I've never tried to look for solutions, now I know why I've always been single. And YES, I was wrong in the past.
* Spark *
So, when you like someone, there's always a chase. It's either you chase or he chase or both chase, but it's kinda rare to have both of you chasing at the same time, cos seriously then wouldn't it be possible to call yourself officially boyfriends and girlfriends???? So, when I like someone, I would normally get excited and go all wild and would try so hard to get his approval. Some sees this as desperate. I don't cos I know I am not but I am just excited to have a new beginning and I kinda put so much effort into things.
So, my ex-boss told me that normally people think the best part and the part where we put so much effort was the chase part. But NO! It's the one that comes after.
Now I can relate this with EVERY dates and relationship I've been through, given I've only been in ONE serious relationship. Now, with my boyfriend, it was easy cos we both were into each other but I could find things slip easy afterwards. It's not like I don't like him anymore but it's more like 'what am I here for?' and it's only cos he's been a bit hard to control (not like he cheats or anything more like my insecurity). But yeah, the guys I've dated as well, once I know I'm in the zone I get bored. That was what I did to Mark. He was a nice guy but I got bored. I guess this was all because I put SO MUCH effort in the chase.
Now, with guys like Kieran or Hedgehog, I get hurt easily because I expected too much EVEN before we hit it off as officially dating. So, I tried really hard and put in so much effort when I actually don't need to. This comes off also as desperate. So, it's like them seeing me all yippee and yay over something that isn't there yet and this can actually give them the wrong impression of me. Plus, since I expected a lot, I get hurt and kinda get a bit bitter and you know... normally you have the whole "OMG WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME" moment.
I guess now that I know that I'm rushing and putting so much effort for the era that doesn't actually matter, I know that as time goes, I wouldn't and shouldn't be that moved during my first approach. And this actually helps me look at things. I am now seeing my future dates as a trial and not as something that's gonna promise me anything....
And this way I can regain sanity and confidence despite the rejection cos come to think of it, why go for those who isn't really into you.... :)
Some say "Hein you're too nice and too good for the gay community". I don't buy that. I feel good but that won't make me feel uber awesome. It actually even makes me lonelier than I would've felt not knowing this. So, I was at work today and after doing what I had to do, I hung around with ex-boss who's actually my boss now AGAIN.
My relationship with ex-boss has accumulated and it has reached the point where we're so comfortable with each other and we're almost like siblings. I even told her that she'd be fun to date if only I was into girls to which she just smiled and not make things awkward. We are just so similar yet different in so many ways.
So, we went for lunch and as usual, we talked about 'love'. It's funny because that's the only topic she started to trust me with things on. It seems like I'm like her only girlfriend who would listen to her and kinda put two cents whenever I have to when it comes to people she's dating, seeing or just chasing in general. I find it quite honoring and it's very useful for me since I learnt a lot.
There were some things she mentioned today that totally made me think and I could so relate and despite the fact that I've never tried to look for solutions, now I know why I've always been single. And YES, I was wrong in the past.
* Spark *
So, when you like someone, there's always a chase. It's either you chase or he chase or both chase, but it's kinda rare to have both of you chasing at the same time, cos seriously then wouldn't it be possible to call yourself officially boyfriends and girlfriends???? So, when I like someone, I would normally get excited and go all wild and would try so hard to get his approval. Some sees this as desperate. I don't cos I know I am not but I am just excited to have a new beginning and I kinda put so much effort into things.
So, my ex-boss told me that normally people think the best part and the part where we put so much effort was the chase part. But NO! It's the one that comes after.
Now I can relate this with EVERY dates and relationship I've been through, given I've only been in ONE serious relationship. Now, with my boyfriend, it was easy cos we both were into each other but I could find things slip easy afterwards. It's not like I don't like him anymore but it's more like 'what am I here for?' and it's only cos he's been a bit hard to control (not like he cheats or anything more like my insecurity). But yeah, the guys I've dated as well, once I know I'm in the zone I get bored. That was what I did to Mark. He was a nice guy but I got bored. I guess this was all because I put SO MUCH effort in the chase.
Now, with guys like Kieran or Hedgehog, I get hurt easily because I expected too much EVEN before we hit it off as officially dating. So, I tried really hard and put in so much effort when I actually don't need to. This comes off also as desperate. So, it's like them seeing me all yippee and yay over something that isn't there yet and this can actually give them the wrong impression of me. Plus, since I expected a lot, I get hurt and kinda get a bit bitter and you know... normally you have the whole "OMG WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME" moment.
I guess now that I know that I'm rushing and putting so much effort for the era that doesn't actually matter, I know that as time goes, I wouldn't and shouldn't be that moved during my first approach. And this actually helps me look at things. I am now seeing my future dates as a trial and not as something that's gonna promise me anything....
And this way I can regain sanity and confidence despite the rejection cos come to think of it, why go for those who isn't really into you.... :)
Friday, November 6, 2009
Cos I gotta Have FATE
Fate? There are some things in life that are not explanable yet it exists at the corner of your eyes and just waits until you notice it. Miracles? Sometimes things do have a bit of a turn at you especially when you don't even see any possibilities to expect them.
I added this guy from "Are You Interested" because I thought he was cute. And since both of us clicked 'yes' on each other, it was a bit of a mutual appreciation. But it's quite normal to get matches in are you interested given people just click on the yes button whenever they think one is hot despite their nationalities or where they live. So, this guy... I saw two guys in the pic and I thought both of them were cute so I pressed yes on him and before you know it, he pressed yes on me. So, we became a match.
D and I finally chat yesterday while I was at work. It was a casual talk as usual, always interesting to learn about each other through a virtual account. Then, he went off for a meetig and I kept doing what I had to at work.
Later, he came online again to talk to me. He seems to have inspected my profile, which was a good surprise for a change. Ok, before all this, I actually checked out his profile and went 'he's way outta my league' and knowing he's the cuter of the two in the photo, I just never expected us to even chat much. So he found out by himself about the fact that I sing and that I have graduated in Mechatronics. I mean that's something even my friends in uni have noticed only after five years of knowing me. So, I was pleased. Then I told him how I was blushing because he was one of those people who actually check out my profile. This was when he said 'shut up you are cute'. Now, that really made me smile. Then, as we talked, I told him I've never been to Adeleide and that I want to come one day and he said later that that was what he was gonna ask. And we talked a bit about Buddhism. It so happens that he is into Buddhism and he's been reading about it. I also like the fact that his favorite bands are Portishead and Dresdon Doll. Just a bit bohemian emotional guy. Then, my connection fucked up and he sent me a message on facebook which I replied to explaining about my Heiny P name on facebook, since it was actually derived from heinypoo, a name given to me by my sister. It so turned out that his sister also calls him poo.
Well, I know it's all a 'good' temporary high given we are really far away from each other and I don't even know this guy. But the moment just made me smile.
So I finished work at 8pm, but I was stopped by my grandmother, who wanted me to wait at the hotel for two guys from Thailand who had a package for her from a monk. So, I asked the counter for their names but they weren't there. So, after drinking beer with exboss, Moby and Smokey(yes, a very nice lady with one of the best smiles but she and I smoke a lot), I went up to my office room to wait for any calls from the counter regarding the two Thai men. While waiting, St Patrick got online and asked for the software which I sent him via my puter, while I hopped onto another one to use the internet. Then, I got a call from Pyapon(one of the villages in Burma) regarding technical questions in the questionnaire. So, I asked exboss regarding that via phone, got the answer and told them back the answer. Now, this all ended at 10:30pm, when grandma waved the white flag and I came home from work which I went since 7am.
I added this guy from "Are You Interested" because I thought he was cute. And since both of us clicked 'yes' on each other, it was a bit of a mutual appreciation. But it's quite normal to get matches in are you interested given people just click on the yes button whenever they think one is hot despite their nationalities or where they live. So, this guy... I saw two guys in the pic and I thought both of them were cute so I pressed yes on him and before you know it, he pressed yes on me. So, we became a match.
D and I finally chat yesterday while I was at work. It was a casual talk as usual, always interesting to learn about each other through a virtual account. Then, he went off for a meetig and I kept doing what I had to at work.
Later, he came online again to talk to me. He seems to have inspected my profile, which was a good surprise for a change. Ok, before all this, I actually checked out his profile and went 'he's way outta my league' and knowing he's the cuter of the two in the photo, I just never expected us to even chat much. So he found out by himself about the fact that I sing and that I have graduated in Mechatronics. I mean that's something even my friends in uni have noticed only after five years of knowing me. So, I was pleased. Then I told him how I was blushing because he was one of those people who actually check out my profile. This was when he said 'shut up you are cute'. Now, that really made me smile. Then, as we talked, I told him I've never been to Adeleide and that I want to come one day and he said later that that was what he was gonna ask. And we talked a bit about Buddhism. It so happens that he is into Buddhism and he's been reading about it. I also like the fact that his favorite bands are Portishead and Dresdon Doll. Just a bit bohemian emotional guy. Then, my connection fucked up and he sent me a message on facebook which I replied to explaining about my Heiny P name on facebook, since it was actually derived from heinypoo, a name given to me by my sister. It so turned out that his sister also calls him poo.
Well, I know it's all a 'good' temporary high given we are really far away from each other and I don't even know this guy. But the moment just made me smile.
So I finished work at 8pm, but I was stopped by my grandmother, who wanted me to wait at the hotel for two guys from Thailand who had a package for her from a monk. So, I asked the counter for their names but they weren't there. So, after drinking beer with exboss, Moby and Smokey(yes, a very nice lady with one of the best smiles but she and I smoke a lot), I went up to my office room to wait for any calls from the counter regarding the two Thai men. While waiting, St Patrick got online and asked for the software which I sent him via my puter, while I hopped onto another one to use the internet. Then, I got a call from Pyapon(one of the villages in Burma) regarding technical questions in the questionnaire. So, I asked exboss regarding that via phone, got the answer and told them back the answer. Now, this all ended at 10:30pm, when grandma waved the white flag and I came home from work which I went since 7am.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Fuckbuddy or Friends with Benefits
What is a fuckbuddy??????
Now, this question is insanely impossible to find the right answer to, since a lot of us have different views on it depending on the way we feel and take in things. And I, myself, have had a lot of different views on this topic and I'm pretty sure it'll keep changing as I grow.
So, first of all, let's just think.. what is a non-platonic relationship????
Isn't this where you fancy someone or have a crush on him/her and you would start to get to know him. So, you click. I mean, come on, every first few minutes is quite easy if you're a mediocre smart average looking ice breaker. No witty remarks but yet the polite gestures of an introduction is there.
So, knowing it's non platonic, depending on your willpower, you either sleep with him/her or NOT. If not, you wait til you're sure that he/she becomes your boyfriend/girlfriend. If yes, well this is the thing.
Sleeping with someone is a risk that you have to take. Consequences vary and the truth is rarely heard.
(1) If you actually know this person and if this person is nice to hang out with but at the same time, either mutual or one sided, you guys would either hit it off as boyfriends/girlfriends later OR you would become a 'friends with benefits'. Don't hate the name cos come to think of it he/she IS your friend and you have fucked him/her.
(2) If you don't know them well but you SLEPT with them, now that's a fuckbuddy but only if he/she comes around for second round. So, this is the ACTUAL sexual friend who is only there for sex. If he/she doesn't come back, just think of it as a one night stand. As bad as it may sound, it's not that much of a hassle. Come to think of it. You both enjoy it and you don't wanna end up with someone who can't love you.
So, there goes my analysis on sleeping with people. I am not stating that what I wrote are facts but I can assure you that this procedure made me happy, secure and safe even if the guy I love with all my heart chucked a one night stand with me.
Well, if they don't sleep with you... don't bother...
Now, this question is insanely impossible to find the right answer to, since a lot of us have different views on it depending on the way we feel and take in things. And I, myself, have had a lot of different views on this topic and I'm pretty sure it'll keep changing as I grow.
So, first of all, let's just think.. what is a non-platonic relationship????
Isn't this where you fancy someone or have a crush on him/her and you would start to get to know him. So, you click. I mean, come on, every first few minutes is quite easy if you're a mediocre smart average looking ice breaker. No witty remarks but yet the polite gestures of an introduction is there.
So, knowing it's non platonic, depending on your willpower, you either sleep with him/her or NOT. If not, you wait til you're sure that he/she becomes your boyfriend/girlfriend. If yes, well this is the thing.
Sleeping with someone is a risk that you have to take. Consequences vary and the truth is rarely heard.
(1) If you actually know this person and if this person is nice to hang out with but at the same time, either mutual or one sided, you guys would either hit it off as boyfriends/girlfriends later OR you would become a 'friends with benefits'. Don't hate the name cos come to think of it he/she IS your friend and you have fucked him/her.
(2) If you don't know them well but you SLEPT with them, now that's a fuckbuddy but only if he/she comes around for second round. So, this is the ACTUAL sexual friend who is only there for sex. If he/she doesn't come back, just think of it as a one night stand. As bad as it may sound, it's not that much of a hassle. Come to think of it. You both enjoy it and you don't wanna end up with someone who can't love you.
So, there goes my analysis on sleeping with people. I am not stating that what I wrote are facts but I can assure you that this procedure made me happy, secure and safe even if the guy I love with all my heart chucked a one night stand with me.
Well, if they don't sleep with you... don't bother...
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Me So Horny (RATED ENTRY)
Do I have sex a lot? Wait... I think I should make that a 'did'. Am I a sexualholic? Wait, that's not even a word..
Ok, yes I admit. I'm a sex pig, amyl whore and a good kisser.... but clean and passionate. It's been five months since I last had one given I can only have one with the gender I prefer. Ok I did have a bit of an oral fest with a straight dude last month. So, yeah I guess I haven't been involved in a heavy passionate moaner session for five months. Sex, to me, is kinda like everything a man wants. Ego boost, pleasure, care free usage, symbol of his integrity or just a plain release. I was talking to a friend today who wanted to date me. Don't get me wrong. I love this guy to death. I care about him as he always watched my back (NO PUNS) when I was in Sydney. Always there to lend me money though I've never borrowed any before despite my brokeness. I told him that I wouldn't wanna date him only cos I know he's not what I want. I could love him or have sex with him but I'm not attracted to him. And THAT made me think. Ok, how do I get aroused? After reading that sentence I wrote to him for more than five times, it goes to show that I get aroused easily via personality and the closure and NOT by looks. That kinda proved why I wasn't that turned on for a second round of wrestlesex with a muscle stud ages ago. I mean, he was more than fine but I didn't dive in more for it whereas I always end up screwing this 45+ year old man I would always go whenever I'm horny. So, basically I think I have sex without the 'commitment' string but the 'ease' and 'comfort' and 'closure' string.
The following scenario proved it as well. I went to Arq one night in Sydney in 2007. I met this middle aged dude. Name was Ian. Went to his house. We ended up being the same roled people. Now, for those of you who haven't been reading this blog or just don't know me at all, gay guys have two roles. One's a fucker and one's a fuckee. Simply a fuckee gets fucked and a fucker fucks a fuckee. We were both fuckees. But we had sex from 11pm til the next day 3pm. How? Ok, a dildo was involved but after so much closeness I felt with him, I started to fuck him good as much as he fucked me good as well. Well, I saw this guy who's a friend of Simon, one of my gay friends who sings. And yes Ian sings as well. So, after reading Ian's comment on Simon's status, I asked Simon to ask Ian if he knows a Hein. Well, the thing was... I was supposed to keep in touch with Ian but somehow I lost my handphone later and lost his number and it's been 2 years. So, thinking it'd be nice to find him again and possibly have good sex with him if I ever go back to Sydney, I asked Simon. After a few minutes, I felt kinda rude that I didn't ask Ian on my own. Somehow the fact that gay guys can have straight male friends totally escaped my mind. So I messaged Ian, telling him about our good a day and a half sex and all that, only to find out later after several minutes from Simon that this Ian IS STRAIGHT. HOLY FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!! This is what you get for being extra horny and losing ur handphone.
Work was uber busy but pretty good today. Exboss and I chilled in the morning. I think Exboss is in her zone these days. Not that I never appreciated her before but she's way better than she used to be and much funnier and happier and it was just RAD to hang out with her. I just came outta her room after complimenting her that she looks like this notorious Thai female ghost. I mean, Ghosts were once humans and as a human, she looks pretty. So, forgetting that ghosts can look uber ugly and scary after death, I told her she looks like that Thai ghost and she jumped. On another funny note, Opal messaged me on facebook ALL THE WAY from Italy to say "YOU NEVER SENT ME GIFTS" and this was farmville related. I said sorry and I told her I'll give her a banana tree. She said she wanted a horse and not a banana tree cos dimensions matter. That's what you get from your workmate who was once a technical advisor all the way from Italy after a few weeks of no contacts with her. Farmville.... sucks us all in eh.
I somehow felt a bit 'out of it' today when I saw pics of Steve with Designer and his wife and also KP's wife though KP wasn't in there. I just felt like I got neglected outta that group. Maybe it's just my time to grow up and hang out with the REAL mature people. I love Steve and KP but if their reason for this black out on our friendship was immature and unacceptable, I should just move on. Yes, people, shit happens.. c'est la vie.
Ok, yes I admit. I'm a sex pig, amyl whore and a good kisser.... but clean and passionate. It's been five months since I last had one given I can only have one with the gender I prefer. Ok I did have a bit of an oral fest with a straight dude last month. So, yeah I guess I haven't been involved in a heavy passionate moaner session for five months. Sex, to me, is kinda like everything a man wants. Ego boost, pleasure, care free usage, symbol of his integrity or just a plain release. I was talking to a friend today who wanted to date me. Don't get me wrong. I love this guy to death. I care about him as he always watched my back (NO PUNS) when I was in Sydney. Always there to lend me money though I've never borrowed any before despite my brokeness. I told him that I wouldn't wanna date him only cos I know he's not what I want. I could love him or have sex with him but I'm not attracted to him. And THAT made me think. Ok, how do I get aroused? After reading that sentence I wrote to him for more than five times, it goes to show that I get aroused easily via personality and the closure and NOT by looks. That kinda proved why I wasn't that turned on for a second round of wrestlesex with a muscle stud ages ago. I mean, he was more than fine but I didn't dive in more for it whereas I always end up screwing this 45+ year old man I would always go whenever I'm horny. So, basically I think I have sex without the 'commitment' string but the 'ease' and 'comfort' and 'closure' string.
The following scenario proved it as well. I went to Arq one night in Sydney in 2007. I met this middle aged dude. Name was Ian. Went to his house. We ended up being the same roled people. Now, for those of you who haven't been reading this blog or just don't know me at all, gay guys have two roles. One's a fucker and one's a fuckee. Simply a fuckee gets fucked and a fucker fucks a fuckee. We were both fuckees. But we had sex from 11pm til the next day 3pm. How? Ok, a dildo was involved but after so much closeness I felt with him, I started to fuck him good as much as he fucked me good as well. Well, I saw this guy who's a friend of Simon, one of my gay friends who sings. And yes Ian sings as well. So, after reading Ian's comment on Simon's status, I asked Simon to ask Ian if he knows a Hein. Well, the thing was... I was supposed to keep in touch with Ian but somehow I lost my handphone later and lost his number and it's been 2 years. So, thinking it'd be nice to find him again and possibly have good sex with him if I ever go back to Sydney, I asked Simon. After a few minutes, I felt kinda rude that I didn't ask Ian on my own. Somehow the fact that gay guys can have straight male friends totally escaped my mind. So I messaged Ian, telling him about our good a day and a half sex and all that, only to find out later after several minutes from Simon that this Ian IS STRAIGHT. HOLY FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!! This is what you get for being extra horny and losing ur handphone.
Work was uber busy but pretty good today. Exboss and I chilled in the morning. I think Exboss is in her zone these days. Not that I never appreciated her before but she's way better than she used to be and much funnier and happier and it was just RAD to hang out with her. I just came outta her room after complimenting her that she looks like this notorious Thai female ghost. I mean, Ghosts were once humans and as a human, she looks pretty. So, forgetting that ghosts can look uber ugly and scary after death, I told her she looks like that Thai ghost and she jumped. On another funny note, Opal messaged me on facebook ALL THE WAY from Italy to say "YOU NEVER SENT ME GIFTS" and this was farmville related. I said sorry and I told her I'll give her a banana tree. She said she wanted a horse and not a banana tree cos dimensions matter. That's what you get from your workmate who was once a technical advisor all the way from Italy after a few weeks of no contacts with her. Farmville.... sucks us all in eh.
I somehow felt a bit 'out of it' today when I saw pics of Steve with Designer and his wife and also KP's wife though KP wasn't in there. I just felt like I got neglected outta that group. Maybe it's just my time to grow up and hang out with the REAL mature people. I love Steve and KP but if their reason for this black out on our friendship was immature and unacceptable, I should just move on. Yes, people, shit happens.. c'est la vie.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
The Voice
They say 'a voice' matters. I guess it can also be the next controversial thing that can cause conflicts between opinions from other people. Anyway, the point of this whole 'voice' thing is because despite the majority acceptance, the point of making it is to be heard. So with this entry, I'm gonna be really honest and just know that I am a very patriotic Burmese boy.
So, when someone mentions a Burmese person, you have two issues when it comes to bad things about them. First, they are very suppressed when it comes to expressing things and they would run around a tree, hoping you'd get the point. This is due to the whole hierarchical way of living in Burma. Elders know better. The superior are wiser. With these, most of us find it hard to express what IS actually inside our mind, WHICH can also be the right answer.
Another thing is the fact that despite the whole fishing or hoping the others might actually get what's in their head, for slow people, it is quite impossible to penetrate what you have in your head into their heads. So, instead of letting them know what you are actually thinking, we would get frustrated when they don't know what we want. This leads to bitching about you behind your back. This leads to bad connections between you and us.
Now, when you're under a working environment, it's important to make your point. Now I am not saying go on and state your opinion and keep convincing that it's correct. It's one thing to suggest to your superior and one other thing to keep persuading him to the point where you go overboard and get frustrated when you don't get what you want.
I mean... when you state your voice, it's either one way or another. They like it OR NOT. Some show it differently back at you. It's not always the direct anwer. The whole point is that you get to voice it out. What they do afterwards is NOT your job. So, making sure you're aware of this, raise the issue up and make sure the voice is heard.
Workwise, I really wish the Burmese I work with knows that the international people in our organization ACTUALLY love discussions and are very eager to hear anything from us, the Burmese. So, whoever's reading this, do NOT hate me. I love Burmese people. In fact I am one. And I was one in the past who was shy to voice things out.
But I guess it won't get me anywhere. So, here I am voicing it out now as you just read the last line of my voice.
So, when someone mentions a Burmese person, you have two issues when it comes to bad things about them. First, they are very suppressed when it comes to expressing things and they would run around a tree, hoping you'd get the point. This is due to the whole hierarchical way of living in Burma. Elders know better. The superior are wiser. With these, most of us find it hard to express what IS actually inside our mind, WHICH can also be the right answer.
Another thing is the fact that despite the whole fishing or hoping the others might actually get what's in their head, for slow people, it is quite impossible to penetrate what you have in your head into their heads. So, instead of letting them know what you are actually thinking, we would get frustrated when they don't know what we want. This leads to bitching about you behind your back. This leads to bad connections between you and us.
Now, when you're under a working environment, it's important to make your point. Now I am not saying go on and state your opinion and keep convincing that it's correct. It's one thing to suggest to your superior and one other thing to keep persuading him to the point where you go overboard and get frustrated when you don't get what you want.
I mean... when you state your voice, it's either one way or another. They like it OR NOT. Some show it differently back at you. It's not always the direct anwer. The whole point is that you get to voice it out. What they do afterwards is NOT your job. So, making sure you're aware of this, raise the issue up and make sure the voice is heard.
Workwise, I really wish the Burmese I work with knows that the international people in our organization ACTUALLY love discussions and are very eager to hear anything from us, the Burmese. So, whoever's reading this, do NOT hate me. I love Burmese people. In fact I am one. And I was one in the past who was shy to voice things out.
But I guess it won't get me anywhere. So, here I am voicing it out now as you just read the last line of my voice.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Slow Start
If there was a word to enlarge and exaggerate the word 'busy' yet at the same time actually mean it as if it was real, it should totally describe or color the whole of today.
It was the first day of data entry. As in, the surveys that was done by the enumerators were finally put into soft copies and into .xml files, in order to be turned into csv to be able to be placed in databases. So, with the databases that the two database experts I'm managing have programmed, we had a testing day. And because some enumerators weren't that clear on some questions, it was a bit of a rushing day with questions asked and editted and re-modified and re-programmed. Test and run. Emails sent, papers flew. Questions queried. It was a very upbeat day.
As I sit here waiting for the soft copy, I kinda think about what's to come. It's kinda like my theory about thinking the present and not the past or the future but as we all know it, it's hard to practise what we preach. I just hate this feeling of 'lost'. I know St Patrick would help me or I'll be outta here in one way or other.
Speaking of St Patrick, I had lunch with ex-boss, who's actually my boss again now. She told me that I might get paid extra this month for doing more than I need to. I'm kinda fortunate that I got good people I'm managing. I mean, if they were assholes, I'd be lost by now. A guy and a girl, to whom I've become a lot closer to, and who actually treat me like their big brother, it was the most fortunate thing to get these two geniuses with good personalities.
Yay, the datas just got here and I could finally go home. So, as usual, I'm about to hit the road back to my place and possibly sleep.
It was the first day of data entry. As in, the surveys that was done by the enumerators were finally put into soft copies and into .xml files, in order to be turned into csv to be able to be placed in databases. So, with the databases that the two database experts I'm managing have programmed, we had a testing day. And because some enumerators weren't that clear on some questions, it was a bit of a rushing day with questions asked and editted and re-modified and re-programmed. Test and run. Emails sent, papers flew. Questions queried. It was a very upbeat day.
As I sit here waiting for the soft copy, I kinda think about what's to come. It's kinda like my theory about thinking the present and not the past or the future but as we all know it, it's hard to practise what we preach. I just hate this feeling of 'lost'. I know St Patrick would help me or I'll be outta here in one way or other.
Speaking of St Patrick, I had lunch with ex-boss, who's actually my boss again now. She told me that I might get paid extra this month for doing more than I need to. I'm kinda fortunate that I got good people I'm managing. I mean, if they were assholes, I'd be lost by now. A guy and a girl, to whom I've become a lot closer to, and who actually treat me like their big brother, it was the most fortunate thing to get these two geniuses with good personalities.
Yay, the datas just got here and I could finally go home. So, as usual, I'm about to hit the road back to my place and possibly sleep.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
I'm A Different Person... turn my World Around!!!
A friend lost, a habit ended, a job extended, a job promoted, new duties given, a career worth reviving, new workmates, old workmates, good friends gone, promises given, new courage gained, old friends reconciled, new friends found, new popularity gained, unpredictable betrayals, unexpected encouragements, lost words, gained knowledge...
the month of October had been fast yet pretty eventful. It's kinda sad to see the whole thing go by so fast and now that I see myself situated with a new surrounding, also with a new feeling and an outlook on things. I've gone so bored of life in general but quite scared about my future.
Today was a good day spent. Spent some time at the office in the morning, then went to my mom's house and took my sis to our favorite "Kyay O"(burmese noodle soup) shop. It was great to be with my sister and just chilled. Then, I went to the hospital where my mom's dad was in. Granddad looked better and my grandma and my aunts were there. The rest of the day was just spent sleeping and watching porn or a movie.
The weirdest thing happened at night. I got a phonecall from one of the teams from work. Work sent out four teams to different areas and I'm in charge of communicating with the team leaders on 'technical' topics. But somehow, a non-leader-roled enumerator called me as a confident. Seems like he's not getting along with his group and he seems to have a bit of a negativity grudge towards something. He wanted to quit but it's not my position to tell him anything. So from 11pm til 12:30am, I listened to him talk and made sure I didn't give him an answer. To be honest, I wouldn't know what to do either.
This made me lose sleep and I'm kinda scared about what's been happening with the team. I'm a technical advising helpdesk, and not a HR related shrink, but still a part of me didn't hang up the phone. It was nice to be there for him, be it he appreciated or not.
So, the month november starts..... and as always... it doesn't look exciteworthy..
the month of October had been fast yet pretty eventful. It's kinda sad to see the whole thing go by so fast and now that I see myself situated with a new surrounding, also with a new feeling and an outlook on things. I've gone so bored of life in general but quite scared about my future.
Today was a good day spent. Spent some time at the office in the morning, then went to my mom's house and took my sis to our favorite "Kyay O"(burmese noodle soup) shop. It was great to be with my sister and just chilled. Then, I went to the hospital where my mom's dad was in. Granddad looked better and my grandma and my aunts were there. The rest of the day was just spent sleeping and watching porn or a movie.
The weirdest thing happened at night. I got a phonecall from one of the teams from work. Work sent out four teams to different areas and I'm in charge of communicating with the team leaders on 'technical' topics. But somehow, a non-leader-roled enumerator called me as a confident. Seems like he's not getting along with his group and he seems to have a bit of a negativity grudge towards something. He wanted to quit but it's not my position to tell him anything. So from 11pm til 12:30am, I listened to him talk and made sure I didn't give him an answer. To be honest, I wouldn't know what to do either.
This made me lose sleep and I'm kinda scared about what's been happening with the team. I'm a technical advising helpdesk, and not a HR related shrink, but still a part of me didn't hang up the phone. It was nice to be there for him, be it he appreciated or not.
So, the month november starts..... and as always... it doesn't look exciteworthy..
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