Lessons Learnt

It's kinda normal for me to learn a lot from life. I've been babbling
about love the past few days and today I was talking to ex-boss and I
realized that there are a lot of things I didn't know.

I have been a bt frustrated at work and I have blamed a lot of things
on my big boss, Moby. Yes it's true he's a bit of a micro-managing
fan.. but at the same time, I gotta realize that I came into this work
as an assitant and he has given me so much trust til the point that
he's given me trust at managing two database people and act as a
helping desk for the teams. I've learnt a lot more and I have
undermined his ability by convincing myself that he's micro-managing
me and stressing things out.

First of all, yes, he is a bit of a micro manager... but he's got his
good points... he has never shouted at any of our staffs and he has
always taken in our advices although it could be a bit of a pain when
he doesn't agree with what we suggest and he would stubbornly go on
with his 'wanting', no matter how inconvenient the method is. Well,
the thing here is 'who is the boss?'. I asked myself the question
"what if I were him....". Now, if I were the boss of something and I
have the freedom to manage schedules and arrange things, I would do it
in such a way that might not be agreed by all. Maybe, I might end up
with asking them for suggestions but all in all, the boss makes the
decisions!

Second, he was the one who chucked a payraise for me. He always makes
sure I'm doing things. So now that I know stuffs in details, I can be
a bit more ego-reliant and a bit too proud to actually go 'ok i'll do
it because you're right'. I'd be like 'no I know a better way'.

Third, you DO NOT bitch at work. That's the most immature thing to do.
The past few days, I have totally ranted about Moby to anyone who will
listen. At that time, it seems good but it is quite embarassing for
not only Moby, for being a bad boss, but also me, who has failed to
work things right with the team. I blame him for not having team
spirit but if I can't even seem to agree with him, I guess I'm the one
who's lacking team spirit, given he IS the boss and he knows what he's
doing.

And another thing I've learnt today was about my confidence. People
think I'm way confident when it comes to self presentation. I've been
known to be a good ice breaker or a good communicator. However, they
don't know I have a phobia, or should I call it a weakness. I am
scared to take risks that might make others not like me. I get worried
easily.

When the realization that I have bitched a lot about Moby striked me
today, I thought about St Patrick, who's like a mentor at work to me.
He's major awesome and I have somewhat been very honest with him and I
have sent him a very judging email all about how horrible Moby's
methodologies are. Now, St Patrick is gonna write my resume and I'm
sure this is something someone don't wanna recommend on and I felt so
uneasy thinking about how unprofessional of me to have ranted at him
about my boss. My ex-boss said she trusts St Patrick to be someone who
won't just judge you on a one time mistake making basis. She is quite
confident that I can learn from this and that St Patrick would know
that we can all learn from our mistakes and walk on.

And about the resume too.. I've been waiting for him to write one for
me. Why? Why? Yeah, I've never asked myself why. It only came to
thoughts when exboss asked me 'why don't you write ahead?'. Now, I
know St Patrick had read the one I've written and had stated how I
would never be hired if he were the employer and I was going for his
job. That kinda made me not write??? What was I thinking? Now, why
would someone wanna breastfeed me? I'm 28. And NO ONE looks for a
perfect resume. In fact, perfect resumes can be deceiving.

So, after talking to exboss, I could finally forgive Moby and could
learn to love and respect that guy. He might have his flaws but so do
I. It's useless to flaw myself over blaming him for his flaw. At the
same time, I have regained much more confident about the fact that I
could come up with something better for my resume.. and I have also
convinced myself that I could improve in any situtations....