Is It Worth It?

I have decided for the time being that this will be my final humanitarian work. The reasons are just accumulating and it's become a bit of a reality check to me to what I'm in this for. For the heart? or for the money? or for my pride?

1. I have been in meetings where you got everyone around the table having this major discussion to help others. Then, they get into heavy arguments. It would start from a disagreement, which then would power up to an ego war. One side would finally get the point of the other side but given the pressure of the argument they both are in, they would just kept arguing on it until no answers come out. Now, you might wanna times this by ten and that's what you get. If you ask me, it's just a lot of people wasting a lot of time to come up with one simply agreed answer to save others. Not agreeable.

2. When bureaucracy meets passion, it's a self conflict. You're doing something from the top of your heart, giving your all but then it strikes you that the paperworks and the procedures and the protocols must go on as they were mentioned. Sometimes, you lose a lot of stuffs because of these. I understand this is part of a normal working environment but aren't we supposed to be charitable here?

3. I have passion. I love to save people. I would say 'ARE YOU SURE'. The people mentioned above were also those who claims they love to help people. If you like to help people, why don't you just drop your ego and do what you have to and stop wasting your and their time? Now, in the business world, it's a dog eat dog but at least businessmen have the courage to say they're slashing each others' throats. They are pretty honest in saying what they're doing. "We are trying to kill our potential rivals'. Lawyers.. some of them lie in their job. Most of them try to come back to their homes and be all 'normal' and not let their cases get into their heads. The field I work in.. I've adopted passion so many times which were only dispersed into thin air and killed by the lack of those people with the real passion.

4. I do not want to be away from Craig. It's about time I treat home like one. I can't take being away from home I guess. Family will always be there for you but I will need my partner to compliment me as much as I could compliment him.

So, yeah... this will be my last job at this field. I'm sure they are nice people in there but I can be so drawn towards stuffs until I have this passionate fondness in what I'm doing and it pisses me off when it's destroyed by any presence of those who are just doing it for other causes irrelevant to the field...