Life's a Bitch and Then You Die

So I had a day off today. I'm supposed to be happy. I wasn't. I've always been a runner. Not really literally cos if I do run literally I would not be this overweight. Nonetheless, despite the fact that I think that I've been facing the music, I still am running away from myself. I had a time alone with myself today and I couldn't handle it. I slept and I was trying to distract myself in any way possible to get rid of the time on my own.

But yeah, how much could a guy go???

I thought about the reasons why I'm here in Burma. I'm not suffering much but I know that I'm not happy. I'm not really happy about what's happening around me. I don't know what I've been doing. I've always been careful with the things I do but I do realize that that don't really improve anything or make anything better.

I could also be convinced that I'm being a bit too dramatic with my life. But on the other hand, I have fought for happiness. I have tried so hard to learn to be able to face what I have faced in the past. Yet, things keep coming in. Maybe because I have accepted it too much? Am I being soft? Am I trying hard enough? Am I right or wrong?

The fact is I don't know.

But there's nothing better than ending my day with six mugs of beer with my cousin and her husband, who's also been my musician man. I know... I'll get fatter but gymming is in the picture again. It's been an on going struggle. And I guess I'll need to accept the fact that I'm in Burma and I'll have to learn to love the fact that I'm in Burma. Why wait to go to Aussie? If it's on my life radar, it'll happen one day....

For now, I just wanna sleep....
sleep it off
and run away
like I always have
I'm not saying I'm a huge hero but at times, even the person who thinks he's done what he can in life can have his moments.
Life's a bitch....
and then you die