It's ironic how the magazine with my interview in it just got out this month exactly a day after I told my grandma that I am quitting the scene.
Yes, I am. I know... I know.. Before I left Australia, I was pretty much motivated by my cast members, who did not really care if I were a Justin Timberlake or a Nikki Webster. One girl came up to me and was all wowed about it and I was like 'come on it's not a big deal'. I wasn't being coy about it but I do not want to give the wrong impression of me being in the showbiz world, especially when I wasn't that that famous. But then she said that the fact that someone who was doing a career professionally was a director of a group that she acted in made her feel proud of it. Then, it hit me right in the head. I did not love myself enough.
So, I got here all pepped up and quite willing to give it another shot. But boy oh boy, was I wrong to have thought I could even come closer to giving it yet another shot.
The fact that I'm living separately with my parents (my grandparents aka my adopted parents and my real mom and also my sis) was a major factor. I have to spend every week, balancing the time of week I spend on my grandparents, my mom and my sis. They love me so they need me. So, if I were to do yet another project on the music scene, I would not have time for them.
Secondly, it's the convenience. I do not know how to ride buses here nor even taxis. I'm not good with bargains and I hate asking for more money from my grandparents and I haven't got any jobs yet at the moment. If I were to spend my car with my chauffeur on my career itself, who's gonna look after groceries? Being a celebrity here is quite demanding. It's materialistic, fake and widely judged.
I've held a reputation of doing things differently. I've been respected by some other artists but in the real world, my albums didn't sell much. Think Britney respecting Jason Mraz. Jason does his work but Britney is filthy rich. Yes, she does her own thing well too but she's mainstream. I'd hate to be put in the main scene. Now, if I were to make yet another album, it would have to be with a producer. At the moment, the music scene is pretty much at risk and not a lot of albums are coming out. Soccer is the new black here. So, let alone producers, most celebrities produce their own albums; something I've done for my four previous albums. But yeah, I can't give enough time or know the market well enough and I do NOT want to drag my grandma (my manager) into this anymore.
At the moment, I just want a job while I'm waiting to get back to Australia. And I just want to stay with my grandparents and mom's and sis's as much as I can while I can well unless I'm offered a contract of an album or something hahahaha.
I am quite adapting this couch potato and coming back to my parents life. I love going out without being talked about or whispered upon. I love being able to be around genuine friends. I love spending money without talking it. I am pretty much in love with a normal joe life.
No comments:
Post a Comment