Lies become the Truth

Last night, I was bored and I had this idea to print out my blogs and put it in a huge file and put a mini scrap book along with it. In order to do that, I wanted to look for the two scrap books I've done. I found anything but those. I found my hourglass necklace, my diaries from the past and Egyptian papyrus wit my name on it. So, it was pretty awesome rummaging piles of old shit.

In life, people say different things. Sometimes, in order to be fair, they agree with the others though they themselves do not actually like the idea. And as it goes on, they accidentally mark those things in their heads and they themselves start to like what the others like that they hadn't. And sometimes people even lie accidentally and they try to convince others of how they wanna paint the picture.

I'm one of them. I have told people that I was a loser in high school. And I don't really know why I've done it. Maybe cos I wanted more sympathy? I wanted more friends? I wanted more assurance? I wanted more types of friends? I'm nervous around cool people? And after so many years of doing it, I thought I meant it until I read my diary in 1996. I was wrong. I was a cool kid... well, one of them. Rich parents, Hannah Montana-ish life, good food, good toys, didn't care about friends and (surprisingly) fashionable.

Now that actually scares me. Sometimes we lie to ourselves too much the lies become the truth. I have to make sure this doesn't really happen again 'cos too much convincing to myself can cause myself to lose track of what's real and what's not. Thank god I found my diary.