Trainers Orgy

In case you haven't noticed, I decided that this year I would at least try to be clean once again. It's been a while since I stayed away from alcohol, weed and cigarettes. So, my resolution for January was to lessen them as much as I could. I also do this "Koe Nawin" Buddhism routine, where I would technically have to stay dry for 81 days, be veggo every 9 days and do rosary beads according to the schedule in that routine. To be honest, I don't really know what the prayers mean but I know that its intention is to repeat good wills repeatedly while your fingers focus on the beads. During that moment, you are supposed to just focus on the beads and the air you breathe. I guess, for 15-20 minutes a day, it's totally awesome to keep repeating something I don't know but yet know its intention. I never followed the strict routine though. I would still drink alcohol and I would not be right with my veggo days. What did you expect? I was a uni student back then.

January changed that. I did the beads in the first week but because of Ma Pauk's wedding, I drank. I mean it's only once in your life that your friend gets married. Then, I started another routine and I was going very well actually. No alcohol and veggos every nine days and not only that but I managed to convince my boyfriend to stay dry. Well, we made a deal. He doesn't want me eating pizzas so no pizzas and alcohol for both of us. It didn't work and the worst thing was it was not because I broke the drinking rule nor the veggo rule. I said the wrong prayers on the wrong day.

February, I started yet another round and this time, I cannot stay dry only because 81 days later would be way after Craig would be here and gone. But somehow because of our deal, I'm 100% dry on alcohol. So, I also quit diet pills since I was torturing my strength and I couldn't even chuck a tune properly when I was on them. So, gym was a necessity for me. And I've also decided February would be my sporty month, given there would be photo shoots and magazine interviews in March/April. I would love to look as fit as I can.

Gymwise, I got sick of hotel gyms. Yes, it's true they have good caterings and pretty clean atmosphere but nothing beats the gym I used to go five years ago. Located in some university in Burma, it's a gym with people who would compete in one of those flexy-go-go contests. Despite the cool fact that there are real body builders in there, they can come up as somewhat cheap and poor. But I like that. I like the whole buddy atmosphere with mouths that don't speak a language where you would have invisible barbwires on them. They would be straight forward and blunt with you. And they're cool cos they're not superficial or insanely stupid like those high paid trainers whose ideal dream is to host the biggest loser and pick on the fatties.

This gym, called Hard Body, has five trainers and they'd be walking around helping people in the gym(DUH). I do not really stick to one trainer so I get pretty much ass-raped by all of them. Well, not literally. Just swung around and made to do things that I have already done. I don't mind though cos this would make me fitter and I would rather be naked with Craig without my tyre like belly and I don't wanna have to use photoshop for my album cover.

I feel like Snow White and the five dwarves, except for the fact that I do not own that crappy Walz Disney Snow White princess like falsetto, which was the only reason why that cartoon became the Walz Disney cartoon with the worst princess. And no I do not wear yellow gowns with puffy dark blue arm balloons with red stripes. I am not Snow White period. The five dwarves were more like five fit men, but just like the dwarves, I could name them one by one.

Trainer 1
Name: Blackeye
Description: The first day of gym, he had a blackeye and he has this roundshaped untrimmed number 2 hair which makes him look like a hairball from the back. He's a great singer though and he can do background harmony singing way better than some professional singers out there.
Favorite: His way of training me was 'do not overdo repititions but do them efficiently and don't outtire urself'. He's the only one who lets me go for water breaks. He's also a big fan of cardio and if he's in charge, I'd be spending most of my time on the treadmill. Not cool but feels good.

Trainer 2
Name: Dialect
Description: He's actually Rakhine. This is one of the races in Myanmar. Just like how Chinesees have Mandarin and Cantonese, he has this weird ass accent which would make him repeat everything he says twice to me. Short yet fit and he's got the body I want really. Not that lean muscled but just right.
Favorite: He believes in repititions. If blackeye would ask me to do 2 rounds of 15 repititions, this one would be asking me for 3 rounds. He talks a lot too, which is kinda cool cos sadly, gym machines make me sleepy for some reason.

Traner 3
Name: CrossEyed
Description: Just as they've got Eagle Eye Cherry in the show biz, my gym has Cross Eyed Trainer. And seriously this guy needs an eye patch. Sometimes, I couldn't even tell who he would be talking to. Me or the wall or someone behind me? Dude, make up your mind!!
Favorite: He's the timebomb. He would ask me to be on treadmill or the cycle machine MORE THAN any of those trainers mentioned above combined. 20 minutes on the treadmill today. Dude, what's wrong with you?

Trainer 4
Name: Gin
Description: It's not the alcohol. It's the Chinese rapper, Gin. He looks EXACTLY like Gin but alot fitter and leaner. He's this mr lovesick who keeps talking to me about girls he would love to screw and how his failed marriage affected his life to become so bitter. When asked for his age, he's 23. Give me a break, bro.. you have a long way to go.
Favorite: He HATES counting. He's all bad things from the other trainers combined. He hates counting, never consistent with repititions and he would always question me whenever I think I'm done with my routines. "Going home early??" I'd be like "dude, your gym closes in two minutes"

Trainer 5
Name: Shorty
Description: Now, this one would qualify as one of the dwarves. He's just puny and ironically he's the dude who's been in body building contests. He reminds me of the incredible hulk cos he would look like tobey maguire normally but as soon as he strips and flexes, he looks like 'Dr Hyde and Testerone' gone wrong animal.
Favorite: He's the 'go with the flow'. Something tells me he's afraid to communicate with me. After two months in that gym, all he's ever said to me was 'nice watch'. Thanks?

So, today I was trained by Blackeye. It was good since he's my favorite anyways. I have five trainers with me and now we just have to wait and see what's next on my facebook profile picture. Well, the 'no sugar, no oil but boiled food' diet has been a great help so far. Substituting diet pills and annorexia, Craig and my friends would be proud.