Sorry

So, Sir Elton said Sorry seems to be the hardest word. I guess it's wrong in my case. If there was anything that could ease my tension or make me better, it's the word 'sorry'. It does help that I have an apologetic boyfriend, who sometimes apologizes more than needed. I guess that's his cute side anyways. Can't live without that side of his.

So, it's day two of consultation meetings at work. JulieAndrew (one of the scientists I worked with in the previous project) has been in this turmoil of stressness lately. She snapped at me two days ago for not having a cellotape in the room. First of all, it's the loggie's job. Second, how can I ever get that cellotape when I'm asked to work in a hotel room away from my office; not to mention a hundred thousand things that I'm asked to do. Can you imagine a deadline of 5 pm, which involves ten plus people to contact to and a meeting that ends at 4pm that I had to take minutes to. I kinda find myself quite impressive that I managed to call all these people before 5 pm. Unlike me, most people leave the office by 5pm. My case: it's 10 pm and I just got up from undressing myself into a pajama from a cab ride from my office. Yes, I kinda finished work around 9:30 pm.

But the stressball just kinda screwed JA up today. We had this consultation and I happened to be the dude who actually programmed and coded the logic behind all of the statistical results powerpointed onto the projector today. I know the logic by heart from A to Z. Still, JA chucked a Mariah Carey in front of everyone. MC was told about the King of Jordan's death and she replied to it by saying 'o i know him so well. He's a great basketball player'. JA presented the data I've prepared for her with the wrongest information that you could've thought of. Now, you have this huge room where lots of experts are in. Some said a few things which could've queued me to tell them "You're right. We used that logic" only to be cockblocked by JA's age.

Now, I know I'm a bit of a disgrace when it comes to Asian culture but being asian, I couldn't help holding things back in the meeting. Asian culture kinda expects people to respect elders and assume everything they say is right, even if they start pointing at guns and telling them that it's a symbol of peace. I just shut my mouth, stopped taking notes and my face just turned grim. Not to mention the continuous wrong explanations from JA about the presentation, the WTF look on the experts' face and the uneasy tension that my boss (ToyBoss) was under. She(ToyBoss) is the epitome of perfectism, going for gold regime, while I was just forced to shut up (my own decision). I couldn't hold back any longer and I let go after the meeting on how wrong the logics were. JA was nice as usual. She said "you could've told me" but how could I when she snaps every second?

But when I said I love JA, I mean it. She's someone I look up to and she does seem like a wise person to be learning things from. So, I just felt like I want to help her get out of this mess or stress that she's in.

What would SnakeEye from GI Joe have done in this case?
What would Billie Joe Armstrong have done in this case?
What would my mom have done in this case?

After thinking about what all of my heroes/heroines could've done in this case, I just ended up with 'meh.. i'll keep working'. Yeah, it's the last humanitarian/development job I'm gonna get myself involved with anyways. So, why cry over spilt milk. I guess people could find some niceness in it... like charitable milk waterfall for all those ants who would love to take home part of this milk. Or maybe the milk could've been spoilt and it's best to have it spilt than to drink it.

Tough day at work and eight messages I couldn't reply to from my husband online just totally fucked my day up. Given he'll be in Melbourne tomorrow made it worse for me to not be able to take good advantage of his presence while it lasted. Long distance.. oh lord!! If only he hasn't been someone I look up to, I would've just ceased such nonsense. So, I called my house for my driver to pick me up and the response from my grandad was 'oh I told the driver to go back. Thought you didn't need him anymore'. HELLO!!!! What gives? I've been coming home late from work and the last thing I need them to assume was me coming home on my own, not to mention one heavy bag and a laptop... oh and an annoying tiffin box that makes me look like some retarded 5 years old wannabe. I got so angry.

Came home and on my way home, since I am not a big fan of italian soap operas, where people just cry over cheap sex with maids, I kinda wished my grand-dad would be ready with an apology. Entered his room to change my contact lens (since my grandparents' bathroom is like the cleanest in the whole house.. fuck all to maintenance after the cyclone) and there he did it. Apologized.

I said 'it's ok. these things happen' followed by a smile and an 'are you ok?' since he was sniffing some menthol lotion. He had a cold. So, I guess it was good timing that he apologized and also a great timing that I actually responded to it with an act of forgiveness and care.

So, if you ask me, sorry DOES get you anywhere.... well, it would totally help if you ACTUALLY mean it.