Hurt

So, why did I go to cse revue for the second time tonight? Well, cos like I totally want attention from the crowd as a choreographer you see.....

NOT

hahaha well attentionwise, it's nice but that's not the reason I was there tonight. First of all, it's been a while since I do outings with my close friends like Jen, Zhe and Sara. So, it was cool to go with them tonight. Second, they had one ticket extra. Well, I guess those were the only reasons.

Ok, so I got something to blog about. I have blogged about the fact that little things piss me off. Like, if I fail exams and stuffs, knowing there's nothing to make it unwork, I rarely stress after a two hours of gaped mouth and big eyes moment. However, little things REALLY tick me off. I used to hate it when LB calls me 'mate' and it was nothing compared to failing your semester and having to pay 450 bucks for visa extension. So, yesternight, Wind said something that just made me stop wanting to chase him. It just fucked up everything I have in me. It was one simple word. "Buddy".. When he used that word, I just think to myself, 'well fuck this.. I'm done'. The thing is he might NOT even know I have a crush on him and he might NOT even like me that way. Well, if he did, I hope the next guy he has a crush on, he would be more specifically expressive. So yeah, I'm better off on my own at the moment.

And just now, I had a talk to David. This guy who I've had a bit of an attention for. But let's just say the attention won't be there. I'm hurt to be honest but I refused to tell him. He IS seeing someone after all and it was my fault to have flirted with him. I only came out to him today as someone who was flirting with him and he said he wasn't flirting with me. He was just being a friend. I guess he's right. He felt sorry for leading me on. But you see, the picture here is.... if I had won him over, how would I ever trust him in the future about other guys fliritng with him and getting his attention while he's with me. Now, that would be karma and that WILL happen. Why would you want someone in life who is easily swayed to your view/attention while he's seeing someone.

It hurts so bad

but yet it feels so good to sift through boys..

My only weakness is..

I can't hate them .....

not Wind
not even David...

Music: Estelle - Free

Mood: hurt