the Perfect Blog Entry

This would be the perfect blog entry for those who thought that I'm a
very lucky person who's always happy and who's always strong. Yes,
it's true I do try to avoid some obstacles in my life but at times, we
all do breakdown. The secret is to not live with it. As I'm writing
them down now, I AM feeling way better but let me tell you how NOT
near perfect my life actually is.

Yesterday, I went and made a recording of four songs that I am going
to show my producer. Yes, I have NOT got the contract and in order to
get one, I have to give my producer four songs I've written and out of
those four, he's gonna choose two of them. I spent four hours
recording all of them, both in English and Burmese. When I got home,
my grandparents asked me to let them have a listen. I was pretty glad
they cared but the happiness didn't last that long when my grandma
told me that my Burmese is NOT good. Now, I know it's not perfect but
at times, you do NOT really have to be way perfect linguistically to
write a song. I would not argue if I had not sold three songs of mine
to three artists, where two of them are actually popular and I made
money out of. This made me feel a bit stubborn and a bit proud of
myself, like one of those people who would not accept any critiques.
But somehow, my grandma does find a lot of bad patches just for the
heck of it. So, today I felt pretty fucked and I was thinking I should
quit singing. I mean, I am NOT actually popular right now or in high
demand and starting anew, it sucks even when your own
ex-manager/grandma said bad shit about you. I'll get over it... but
yeah, it hurts.

I went to my dad's grave today cos it's been ten years and five months
since he passed away. It's cute I think but seriously, I would love to
NOT go there anymore. He's gone. It's a god damn grave in a cemetery.
I do love my dad but seriously he should've taken much more care of
himself and he should've solved problems instead of ignoring them.
Yes, it's true my grandma's one of those mother like Bree from
desperate housewives (just not that retarded). But that does not mean
he should've left me, my mom and my sis. Now, my sis works for mom,
I'm in the middle of no job/no life and mom's pretty sick (which I'll
get to that soon) and my grandparents are getting tired of working.
And the only sane person, my uncle, does NOT walk. So yes it's up to
me to save my family.. So, I talked to the grave today.. and for once
I was honest. I whispered to myself "how dare you leave us, dad? We're
in the deepest shit as of now. I do miss you a lot and wish you were
here but though I forgive you, I really don't know why you left us".
I'll understand one day when I become a dad I think. Don't get me
wrong, I still love my dad.

Last night, mom took more medications than she needed to. Normally,
she used to take 'Burmese' medications. Then, she changed to English
prescriptions. Yesterday, she mixed both unintentionally and went to
the toilet at 2am. She came out, dehydrated and fainted face down on
the floor. Thank god my maid heard that and my aunt woke up in time to
put a lot of water in her system. Her lips were white and if my maid
and my aunt had not been there, I'd be visiting the cemetery twice
today.

I went to a doctor yesterday because of that lump on my ass. Well, not
on my ass but near my ass crack. Yes , it's a bit TMI and you can stop
reading this if you get easily gross out. It's ingrown, at its worst
state, where I have an open wound that would not heal. The doctor said
he has to put me to surgery and have an operation on it. Yes, I'm
going to be hospitalized for a while and this would be my first ever
surgery. I feel pretty scared but I hope that this is for the best. I
mean, I'm gay.. I'll be having a lot of anal sex in the future and an
ingrown ass crack is the last thing any homo would love to see on
someone. So, yeah...

FML FML, I used to laugh at a lot of people who submitted shit on that
website. Some do it just to fish out humor.. some for entertainment..
some to laugh at themselves. I'm smiling right now while typing this
blog.... This is a huge FML for me and sometimes you just got to laugh
at it. Crying won't help. So yeah LOL.