Subconscious wishing

Before I came back to Burma, I had a talk with Mama Mills. She's like
a big sister to me. She was my ex boss and I used to work for her. I
asked her if she sees me coming back and without any hesitation, she
said 'yes'. I asked her why she was so confident about it. She said
'if people want something really bad, it's always registered at the
back of their brains and we subconsciously try to make it happen. Come
to think of it... I've always got what I wanted.

As a kid, I always dream of having an active life. I grew up in front
of the TV. I watched shows and movies in amazement. I saw people
sing.. I wanted to sing one day. I saw some dramas and I kinda did
wish I had some drama in my life. Betrayal, death, loss, ill malice,
two timer or just plain bad weather.. you name it, I've always wanted
them.. I got them. I would always whinge and whine about them but I
guess as a kid, I DID ask for them... subconsciously.

I would even pretend I was a salesman at home and would play with
imaginary friends like I was a shopowner and they would buy things.
Tagged products... marked them off with stamps. hahaha I did those at
Jayjays. I loved it to be honest.

I wanna know how suicide would grab attention. At some point in life,
I did try it cos I was given the circumstances around me that would
only let me realize that 'cry for help' was the best answer. I lost my
dad. I live the life of a son of a widow. I live the life of a broken
family. I am gay and I have to rebel with some people, keep things
unknown and live 'more than double' life.

I am happy.

I got here and there was this really cute male model that I fancy. It
was an appreciation at first sight. I was even joking with my maids at
home how I would get to know him one day and would make him my friend.
I met him today and we talked and we became friends. I wasn't sexually
into him, I don't tend to act upon anything that is affected by
decisions I get from my genital. I was just in awe how things I wanted
had always worked itself out.

The final thing about me working on my permanent residency in sydney
offshore.. the only thing I was waiting for is to get a seven out of
nine for my IELTS and that was the only thing I've been waiting for.
Once I get that, I'll just have to wait for the acceptance of my PR in
Australia.

I've wished for a qualifying result. I was scared cos I did an
Academic version, which was the harder one, given that I was able to
do either general training(which was way easier) and academic version.
Seatings for General Training were out and I got myself to sit for the
academic version.

I did. I wished to get a good mark.
Guess what I got.
Eight out of nine !!! Hallelujah Sydney... thou shall await for my comeback :D

I love life :)