Despite partially true about what actually happened today, it was more of a strategic move. I’ve always managed to put BooMan as a priority when it comes to us. After hearing about what happened to him, I spilled everything I’ve bottled up inside and I let the beast inside me out. As it was dying, I continued pretending to be that beast for a win win.
I know this blog is quite visible for anyone who reads it but I guess I have the tendency to keep it as a diary where I don’t keep anything. The relationship between BooMan and me has become more than impossible lately. It’s only been less than a week I promised him that we could try to make our relationship work but as soon as I let him in my life, he summoned the wreckage.
So, I felt like this safety net that has to take all his spillage of drama. I guess my anger has inclined like a drug addict’s craving for drugs. My anger used to be manageable but I noticed as I love him more, it’s become too unmanageable. I started thinking how unfortunate I was to have this done to me by someone I love and what’s the point of keeping a boyfriend who can’t be happy having me around.
Craving for equality in complimenting each other in a relationship where one would keep me calm if I’m being too sick and I keep him calm when he’s down, I decided the best thing to do was to end this and make him hate me enough to be able to let go of me. I guess he could forget me and find someone else to make himself happier and better.
As I’ve said, it’s a win win. Now I can look forward for a happier boyfriend who would be there to keep my calm where I don’t have to only be there when he’s sad and forgotten when he’s happy. At the same time, BooMan can end this online long distance relationship and find someone better to make him happier by seeing the beast in me and hating me enough to let go of me.
All I’ve ever wanted for him was to be happy and I guess this day would count as a beginning to be able to start his journey without me… a much happier one. Amen to a love lost. It was good while it lasted.
I know this blog is quite visible for anyone who reads it but I guess I have the tendency to keep it as a diary where I don’t keep anything. The relationship between BooMan and me has become more than impossible lately. It’s only been less than a week I promised him that we could try to make our relationship work but as soon as I let him in my life, he summoned the wreckage.
So, I felt like this safety net that has to take all his spillage of drama. I guess my anger has inclined like a drug addict’s craving for drugs. My anger used to be manageable but I noticed as I love him more, it’s become too unmanageable. I started thinking how unfortunate I was to have this done to me by someone I love and what’s the point of keeping a boyfriend who can’t be happy having me around.
Craving for equality in complimenting each other in a relationship where one would keep me calm if I’m being too sick and I keep him calm when he’s down, I decided the best thing to do was to end this and make him hate me enough to be able to let go of me. I guess he could forget me and find someone else to make himself happier and better.
As I’ve said, it’s a win win. Now I can look forward for a happier boyfriend who would be there to keep my calm where I don’t have to only be there when he’s sad and forgotten when he’s happy. At the same time, BooMan can end this online long distance relationship and find someone better to make him happier by seeing the beast in me and hating me enough to let go of me.
All I’ve ever wanted for him was to be happy and I guess this day would count as a beginning to be able to start his journey without me… a much happier one. Amen to a love lost. It was good while it lasted.
Listening to: Bjork – It’s not up to you
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