Unsettled, single and busy at its best, I find myself caught in the web of ‘dating’. I never meant to search for any daters after flirting online with two men who are in different continents from mine but somehow, they just kept on rolling on and I find it only fair to give them a chance while I observe on the highs and lows of dating.
Men are not maternal. Men are usually selfish and they would find it uneasy to actually think more than they need to. Men are cruel. Men are promiscuous. These words I’ve heard and used several times to ease the pain from all the scars these so called ‘men’ have embedded on me. Somehow, being a man myself, I find it pretty unsettling to analyze gay men on a consistent level. Gay men have this unbalanced mixture of personality from both worlds. Some gay men can seem as soft and love-craving as some women are and some gay men can seem as selfish as most players are but somehow, I find it quite interesting how there IS a substantial amount of ‘man’ness in any gay men, be they lean towards the ladies’ side or the gents’ side when it comes to attributes.
Dating men can be quite challenging and I have to say I’ve been dealing with it in the hardest way possible. The chase would seem like a cocktease from my view but once I’m in the zone, I would start to expect more of them and kinda stopped thinking myself like a man and start thriving towards the whole commitment freak attack.
Dating men is not as hard as we all think it is. It IS hard once you expect a lot from them. It IS hard once you’ve put yourself in the ‘I’m IN’ zone. This time round, I’ve turned the table and I have started flirting with four guys at the same time, just to see how they all work.
1. Never be the first to do things. Yes, like it or not, it’s better to let them be in control about the way the relationship is heading towards. If you know you could totally see yourself in the future with the man you’re dating, you wait and see if he would be the first to initiate things with you.
2. Do not play too hard to get. You know you’re gonna be a sucker once the man caught you and you’re falling for him like pansy petals on a soggy winter morning. So, if you’re trying to vamp up your inner medusa, don’t do it unless you can stick to it.
3. Do what he would do. Just for once, try being a man. It might be a bit insulting if you’re a female reading it and it makes you wonder ‘why the hell should I lower my level to try being a person who thinks with his cock, and in this case, a vagina?’. Well, if you don’t wanna get hurt by his unexpected reactions, you might as well treat him like he would treat you. This includes to keep telling yourself you have a life and talk shows to watch while dating a man, on other account, you might have other men to date as well. Men can do it. Why can’t we?
4. Do NOT put yourself in a ‘tiptoe’ position. Just for once, sit down and relax. Do not always look out for what’s gonna happen next to you or him. Do not feel obligated to always be the type he expects you to be. If guys can turn out to be someone you do not expect to be, it’s only fair you let yourself be whoever you want.
5. It’s not hard to have a relationship. The ‘in denial’ feeling is a bitch. You keep telling yourself that he’s ok and he’ll come to his senses, while you would have to try everyday to make things work. Well, it IS hard work alright but if you’re not having fun working for something that’s to stick with you til you die, why not let go now and look for someone you don’t have to work hard for.
6. Sex is an activity and it is not a treasure chest or an implication of any kind which would levitate your ego. If you use ‘sex’ as a test for intellect, sense and maturity, you won’t go a long way. Instead use ‘sex’ as a test for selfish matters. Does he make you feel good? Does he have sex with you as much as you want him to? Does he see the word ‘sex’ as you do? I repeat again, Sex is NOT a taboo. It’s just an activity, which most of us likes to wrongly view as a substance of love and closure.
Of course, these are the things I’ve learnt from two failed relationships, but this is just draft assumptions in a nutshell. As someone who likes to better himself rather than be cynical about the world of men, when I, myself, am a man after all, it’s only fair that I learn to be the man that I should be and play their games. After all, what matters most in my life right now, is just to get that man I’ve always wished for and if I have to go through a huge catalogue of games and plots there are for me to explore, it’s worth taking my time.
Men are not maternal. Men are usually selfish and they would find it uneasy to actually think more than they need to. Men are cruel. Men are promiscuous. These words I’ve heard and used several times to ease the pain from all the scars these so called ‘men’ have embedded on me. Somehow, being a man myself, I find it pretty unsettling to analyze gay men on a consistent level. Gay men have this unbalanced mixture of personality from both worlds. Some gay men can seem as soft and love-craving as some women are and some gay men can seem as selfish as most players are but somehow, I find it quite interesting how there IS a substantial amount of ‘man’ness in any gay men, be they lean towards the ladies’ side or the gents’ side when it comes to attributes.
Dating men can be quite challenging and I have to say I’ve been dealing with it in the hardest way possible. The chase would seem like a cocktease from my view but once I’m in the zone, I would start to expect more of them and kinda stopped thinking myself like a man and start thriving towards the whole commitment freak attack.
Dating men is not as hard as we all think it is. It IS hard once you expect a lot from them. It IS hard once you’ve put yourself in the ‘I’m IN’ zone. This time round, I’ve turned the table and I have started flirting with four guys at the same time, just to see how they all work.
1. Never be the first to do things. Yes, like it or not, it’s better to let them be in control about the way the relationship is heading towards. If you know you could totally see yourself in the future with the man you’re dating, you wait and see if he would be the first to initiate things with you.
2. Do not play too hard to get. You know you’re gonna be a sucker once the man caught you and you’re falling for him like pansy petals on a soggy winter morning. So, if you’re trying to vamp up your inner medusa, don’t do it unless you can stick to it.
3. Do what he would do. Just for once, try being a man. It might be a bit insulting if you’re a female reading it and it makes you wonder ‘why the hell should I lower my level to try being a person who thinks with his cock, and in this case, a vagina?’. Well, if you don’t wanna get hurt by his unexpected reactions, you might as well treat him like he would treat you. This includes to keep telling yourself you have a life and talk shows to watch while dating a man, on other account, you might have other men to date as well. Men can do it. Why can’t we?
4. Do NOT put yourself in a ‘tiptoe’ position. Just for once, sit down and relax. Do not always look out for what’s gonna happen next to you or him. Do not feel obligated to always be the type he expects you to be. If guys can turn out to be someone you do not expect to be, it’s only fair you let yourself be whoever you want.
5. It’s not hard to have a relationship. The ‘in denial’ feeling is a bitch. You keep telling yourself that he’s ok and he’ll come to his senses, while you would have to try everyday to make things work. Well, it IS hard work alright but if you’re not having fun working for something that’s to stick with you til you die, why not let go now and look for someone you don’t have to work hard for.
6. Sex is an activity and it is not a treasure chest or an implication of any kind which would levitate your ego. If you use ‘sex’ as a test for intellect, sense and maturity, you won’t go a long way. Instead use ‘sex’ as a test for selfish matters. Does he make you feel good? Does he have sex with you as much as you want him to? Does he see the word ‘sex’ as you do? I repeat again, Sex is NOT a taboo. It’s just an activity, which most of us likes to wrongly view as a substance of love and closure.
Of course, these are the things I’ve learnt from two failed relationships, but this is just draft assumptions in a nutshell. As someone who likes to better himself rather than be cynical about the world of men, when I, myself, am a man after all, it’s only fair that I learn to be the man that I should be and play their games. After all, what matters most in my life right now, is just to get that man I’ve always wished for and if I have to go through a huge catalogue of games and plots there are for me to explore, it’s worth taking my time.
Listening to: The Chemical Brothers - The sunshine underground
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