It’s been two days since I’ve been exercising two times a day because I hate my fat body. I’ve seen the biographical flick of Karen Carpenter and I kinda doubt that’s the road I’m heading towards but when you see fats, you do see fats. Surprisingly, it’s been so easy doing exercise twice a day. Is this my new ‘exhaustion’ immunity talking? Is this vanity talking? It’s the acceptance of my gray area.
Life was NEVER meant to be easy, good or awesome. Whenever I jog on the spot in this room, I think of things to keep my adrenalins pumping. Sadly, it seems that only things that make me angry could inspire me to exert more energy.
It seems like I’ve never been getting what I want in life. It seems like I’m always happy. It seems like there’s no one to go to when I’m sad. It’s also because I do not dare to go dramatize about things to those I hang out with and I was ashamed to show them the ugly side of my life.
I always seem to be this happy guy who’s full of strength and power to heal himself after any minor falls. But the question here is “AM I REALLY HAPPY?”… No! And I’m happy that I’m not that happy all the time. I’ve seen the best in life; I believe it can get better. I’ve been through the worst; I still fear for worse things to come.
I think it’s only natural that we have a fair share of white and black areas to be able to adapt ourselves to the gray areas.
I feel fat.
I’m in love with an online boyfriend.
I’m a gay singer.
I am still awaiting my approval for permanent residency for Australia.
I am not a popular celebrity as people think I am.
I miss dad sometimes.
I wish I could be closer with my mom and sister.
I feel lonely around friends who have got a family life.
I feel ashamed when I have to kiss my grandma although I do love her lots.
Life fluctuates and we seem to be absorbed and drifted offshore to the blacks and whites of life we forgot how it feels to be neutral. As much as I love my boyfriend to death at the moment, we both cannot escape ‘death’. One day, we will have to leave each other no matter what. How long can I stay like I don’t care what my fans think about me being gay? How can I save my mom and sister?
It’s only fair that I leave myself in the unknown. If every religion were the only weapons to make this world a better place, why isn’t that happening? I guess it’s only fair to say that we all have to give ourselves a pat in the back to remind ourselves that nothing’s perfect. We can preach others but isn’t it time we preach ourselves as well? So, what now?
The answer is simple. From today onwards, I’m gonna be living in the grey area. I will embrace the best things in life while not fearing to not have days without any smiles. I don’t owe anyone anything and it’s about time the whole world knows the real me…
I have feelings!
Life was NEVER meant to be easy, good or awesome. Whenever I jog on the spot in this room, I think of things to keep my adrenalins pumping. Sadly, it seems that only things that make me angry could inspire me to exert more energy.
It seems like I’ve never been getting what I want in life. It seems like I’m always happy. It seems like there’s no one to go to when I’m sad. It’s also because I do not dare to go dramatize about things to those I hang out with and I was ashamed to show them the ugly side of my life.
I always seem to be this happy guy who’s full of strength and power to heal himself after any minor falls. But the question here is “AM I REALLY HAPPY?”… No! And I’m happy that I’m not that happy all the time. I’ve seen the best in life; I believe it can get better. I’ve been through the worst; I still fear for worse things to come.
I think it’s only natural that we have a fair share of white and black areas to be able to adapt ourselves to the gray areas.
I feel fat.
I’m in love with an online boyfriend.
I’m a gay singer.
I am still awaiting my approval for permanent residency for Australia.
I am not a popular celebrity as people think I am.
I miss dad sometimes.
I wish I could be closer with my mom and sister.
I feel lonely around friends who have got a family life.
I feel ashamed when I have to kiss my grandma although I do love her lots.
Life fluctuates and we seem to be absorbed and drifted offshore to the blacks and whites of life we forgot how it feels to be neutral. As much as I love my boyfriend to death at the moment, we both cannot escape ‘death’. One day, we will have to leave each other no matter what. How long can I stay like I don’t care what my fans think about me being gay? How can I save my mom and sister?
It’s only fair that I leave myself in the unknown. If every religion were the only weapons to make this world a better place, why isn’t that happening? I guess it’s only fair to say that we all have to give ourselves a pat in the back to remind ourselves that nothing’s perfect. We can preach others but isn’t it time we preach ourselves as well? So, what now?
The answer is simple. From today onwards, I’m gonna be living in the grey area. I will embrace the best things in life while not fearing to not have days without any smiles. I don’t owe anyone anything and it’s about time the whole world knows the real me…
I have feelings!
Listening to: Plain White T’s – You and me
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