Rain On My Parade

Just as I was gearing myself up for a better year with nothing but good shit and just as I had a pretty awesome day, everything just totally crumbled today. Work was fine but it was after work that got me into serious depression. I went to the gym and I had to go and work on my album with KC until midnight, given I have to wake up at 3am since work was going to Nay Pyi Daw for a consultation and the check in time at the domestic airport was 4:30am. The worse thing was how we were to reach home by around 10pm, since we were going to be taking a car ride back home as opposed to the airplane.

Things got worse when I was asked to pick up my grandparents from a party on my way to the studio. I know it's quite an overreaction but I got so angry at the fact that my grandmother was a bit tipsy and their 'goodbyes' with everyone at the party wasted 45 minutes of my time at the studio. These days, time means a lot to me and I try to fit everything all at once. It hurts even more when I whinged at my granddad about me being late and he said "Just be happy that we're taking you there".

Now, I know I sound like a brat when I say things like that but let's think again.
1. I offer to take taxis whenever I want but still my gramps insist they take me back or send me anywhere with our house car.
2. I took driving lessons but why the fuck would I need it if they don't trust me with the car at home.
3. I want to NOT have to wait for anything and do things my own way.

Thinking of these made me think even more...
1. I want my own room and my gramps insisted on me sleeping in their room because they don't wanna miss having me around.
2. They stare and look at me everytime I eat breakfast and they would make an excuse to come into their room whenever I come back home.

I know my boss said how I will miss having such caring people around me once they're gone but it just came to the point where I think they don't love me. They just love themselves. They love me because loving me makes them happy. This totally made me end my life since to be honest, I was a suicide attempt addict. The worse thing is the fact that I am taking care of mom and sis. Mom don't know I'm gay and sis hates me for being gay and thinks I should NOT tell mom. Why the fuck do I exist at all?

It all boils down to Craig.
I still wanna know how it would feel like to be with him.

So, I refrained. No suicide this time.