Sandra Bullock, I guess she's an actress who makes me watch a movie I would not normally watch but then I would watch it just because of her and would end up loving the movie anyways. So, in this movie, she is a crossword maker. There actually is a word for it but I have no recollection of how it's spelt. There's this saying in the movie where she compare 'solving a crossword' with how we try to solve our issues in life. She got excited when she was telling her friends about how doing a crossword always have a solution and to get it, it drives people crazy or just to keep doing it until they get it. She mentioned something about how we would all never know the solution unless we solve it.
It's January 1st, 2010. Let's take a look at my life just for one honest moment here. Without any sugar toppings, let's be real.
- I am still awaiting a permanent residence application approval from Australia, which is undergoing a complete PR application halt, where the economical recessions had totally plunged down the number of people they were going to give the PR away.
- I have totally committed myself to a guy I've never met and only talked to online, with self justifications and today, I sent him an email with twelve vows saying I would make things work.
- I'm still sleeping in my grandparents' room and I am truly embarassed to have friends over because because of the Nargis cyclone, my room was washed away. My computer was donated to an orphanage and I would not even know where to start if I wanted to fix my satellite cable plugs onto two video sets that don't even function. Not to mention the amount of energy I would have to argue with my uncle over the channel position he changes the satellite position to.
- I have two more months left of work contract that pays me 100 bucks per month to spend on because I give 200 away to mom and I guess with the 100 left, it's either my gramps or some charity.
- I am a recovering artist who was absent from the industry for six years and despite the declined number of fans and any record labels that would want me back for a full album, I have signed myself to a compilation album and also working on an album I arranged, composed, produced and spent (well it's my grandparents' money). I have to thank my friends for pro bono collaborations. I guess saving a mediocre artist who had started a trend years prior its popularity is somewhat charitable and I guess this sifts out my true friends.
- I miss my mom and sister, who had to go somewhere far away from her husband for her safety. Cussed at and abused verbally by a guy who is younger than me and who was my sister's husband (and still is legally), and most importantly who I have spent buying perfume on and totally dedicated myself to interact with him like a big brother figure doesn't seem right. Even worse that I was given a threat that I was going to be killed by him. In short, for my sister's sanity and the fact that Burmese law does not allow a wife to file a divorce case unless the husband agrees. One option left would be staying away from the husband for at least three years, and I guess that is what we are all trying to do.
- My grandparents don't know I'm gay. My mom is in denial, I assume. My sister hates the fact that I am gay. Only my aunty knows I'm gay and I have to say that's the only support I get from my family for my homosexuality. I just thought the number 'six' was a good number for number of issues in my life. Regardless, I cannot be fucked on who knows what about me liking dicks. Aren't they just organs anyways?
Cause and effect! I guess these were all the solutions to what the causes were in 2009 and I would like to say I am not in the pits, given I have no right to see this whole situation as the most devastating thing in my life when 1. this is not my last day and 2. there are far worse things happening to people in reality. However, at times, I do feel a sense of hopelessness.... but I guess this year would bring solutions or at least some path of clarity to these complex scenarios. I believe that something bad always leads to something good. I guess, with the help of that and Oprah's 'universe' theory, I am pretty sure I can survive this year.
I mean, it sucks not to find the solutions when you're more than half ways rubbing out or white-outing your answers on the crossword puzzles.
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