One of my blog entries earlier had this part where I imagined myself as one of the characters from a TV series and I was hoping I could just teleport to five years later like the "Desperate Housewives". Well, the funny thing is it did happen but in the wrong time frame.
I was at Hkunie's house last night and that blog entry crossed my mind. Hkunie and I were schoolmates and pretty close from Grade V til Grade IX. We hung out a lot after both of our zig zaggatorial lives. He went off to England at one point then I went off to Singapore. But yeah, both of us managed to keep in touch. So, five years in Australia, I was pretty much out of touch. I guess I'm not that good in the 'keeping in touch' routine but I guess as true friends go, we were always able to pick up where we left off.
This time round, we both had a different feel. We both know we both have our own groups of friends. We both are full time workers and we both have to come back to our family. In another word, we both became 'uncool'?? But on a brighter note, we both have found serenity and quite a peaceful track in our friendship. I have accepted the fact that he has a lot of friends I might not know and despite his recent pals and buddies, me and Hkunie would always be friends. I mean... fuck the terminology.. I don't even think close or best friends exist anymore for some reason. I guess, we both respect each other more.
I got to see his beautiful wife, both in heart and in person and now his awesome adorable son, Shawn. I went to their house, which was an apartment with a swimming pool. Living on 15th floor with his wife, kid, a dog and two helpers, this was exactly five years later episode of my life in Burma. I was talking to him about how we both have never seen this five years ago.
Our conversations, which once would consist of things about other people, friends of people in general, had totally shrunken to families. He talked about his kid's birth and I talked about my gramps and sisters and all that. Sometimes it makes me wonder where the MTV conversations, talks about PSgames or just movies in general disappear to between us. But nonetheless it was the best chat I've had with Hkunie.
You know that feeling you have when you come back home from your friends and you run to your parents and go 'dad, I want that new GI Joe figure that my friend's got'. I did the same when I got back from Hkunie's but what I wanted was a kid. Seconds later, I felt stupid. But yeah.... you have no idea how special it was to listen to Hkunie and his wife talking about his kid. There were times the doctor would say there's no hope and this made my friend, Hkunie, a man, break down to tears. The feeling or the 'roller coaster ride' that Hkunie likes to call it... it was just amazing to hear it from the two 'now parents' but 'once was my hangout friends with no family life of his own'. The sacrifice they both had to take, the commitments they both had to make, the time they had to find and the hope they had to live on. All of this comes to one good thing, which is of course their son, Shawn. While listening to them, I kinda got this mixed feeling of 'do I still want a kid?' or 'OMG I can't wait to get one myself'. It's just that it sounds so hectic yet rewarding and I have this thing for kids. I just love them.
In the end, I understand why Hkunie is one happy man. While waiting for my songs to upload on his laptop, Hkunie and I had some wine and waited. Then, Shawn woke up and his mom, Su Mon, came over to our room and showed him to me. I was scared at first. I was scared at how vulnerable a baby actually looks. This was a newborn... not a toddler. I've dealt with toddlers before but this was one little baby in a wrapping, those that we think would be swinging underneath a pelican.
I got my hands cleaned and finally I had Shawn in my arms. Call it chemical reaction or just euphoric joy, I had a sudden rush of feelings all over me. I thought of lots of things.
1. Why do people not think of kids when parents fight?
2. Why do people take divorce too easy?
3. Why don't people love their kids anymore as they grow?
4. What makes a baby so magical?
5. Why am I feeling this way?
As these emotions sweep by like some photo slideshows in facebook applications, I looked at Shawn. I wasn't sure if he could see me but he was staring at me. The puny baby eyes, the curiosity, the innocence, the simplicity, the serenity. With Shawn in my hand, I felt this whole phase of peace. I was at peace and it felt like me and this baby and nothing else around me. Such innocence when we were born, it's hard to even think we could come up with so much flaws in life. Shawn kept studying my face, my spiky hair, my unshaved so called craig david beard and he would yawn once in a while. His little baby mouth would open and he would give a sigh. I looked at him and I just felt this greatest feeling. I was wondering how Hkunie would be one lucky and happy mofo on earth given even I felt this good, both Hkunie and Su Mon must be very very happy.
I seriously don't get it. Why do we do things that would hurt our children? I guess I am lucky cos if ever I should fail to keep up with my own family, I will always remember the questioning eyes that Shawn gave me. And of course I would always try my very best not to make my kid question and hopefully he or she would get the most of what life could give to him/her.
Anyone reading this... I know we all differ but please, don't forget that look your kid gives you or don't forget to look at the look that your kid gives because that is the only possible way which would stop you from making a mistake. The kids are our future and why not give them the best shot?
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