It was the summer of '06 I believe, when I first met Jacopo. The first time I saw him was at a gay bar when I happened to be dancing with his best friend, Lucy. As always and out of something I am not able to control to stop myself from doing it, I thought of him as 'out of my league' person. I saw him shaggin a Korean boy, which made it worse for me to even think of him as someone I could get to know. It was later when we got introduced and then we started dancing and started kissing. The kiss wasn't one of those 'get drunk and pash around' types. It was real and I felt like I had to keep kissing him. I continued, I didn't stop.. he didn't stop either. Then, he came home with me. We pashed.. He hardly spoke good English but we talked about stuffs, until I found out he's only got three days left to leave for his own country. Questions raised in my head. Is this a one niter? Is this a used casual shag? Is this a holiday romance? I stopped thinking when he started to cry while we talked. He said he had fallen for me. Little did he know that I felt the same for him.
Back then, I wasn't jaded and I could accept that feeling at that very instant. I took him back to my bed and we were sleeping nude in my bed and we just kissed. We kissed on and on and on until it was actually 6am. We forgot to have sex. Not that it was needed but if I had been attracted to him just for the sake of sexual encounter, the pashing session would not have been that long. We slept for two hours. In the morning, I heard his voice behind me and noticed it wasn't a dream. Then, I got teary. I thought it was just my morning eyes. I didn't turn back, fearing he'd see my morning glory(the eye part) but I started to sniff. I cried. He turned me around and saw me crying. He said he will never lose his love in me. And I guess me neither.
I hung out with him as much as I could have and cried like there was no tomorrow when he left. We decided to keep in touch and be 'boyfriends' oversea. Now, the first part went well. I was youtubing him videos of me , writing songs for him, talking to the video cam as if he was on the other end. Things went dramatically cheesy, when he kept sniffing the shirt I gave him and he cried in Italy and I kinda kept looking at the bracelet he gave me and cried. It was somewhat drama, spelt out of my own choice.
One month passed and I had to make that decision. Things were getting impossibly weird. Long distance is not a thing I wanna do. It must've been easy for him since he said he can't fall for anyone in Italy. But, when I finally gave him a 'hey, let's get real and let's not go on as boyfriends', I've scarred him. He has learnt to forgive me and live on but we both know we love each other a lot.
Three years later, I find myself in his shoes. I have fallen for a guy who's in Australia. I know I don't have a thing for guys in Burma and I know I can stay onto him. But, the fear still exists for the day this person is going to lose that glow he has for me, like I lost my glow which I had for Jacopo.
Retributions play a major huge role in my life..... If I'm meant to suffer for this time round, I'll know that it's going to be something I'm getting for hurting Jacopo, who was to be one of the 'fish' in the sea, but was 'the one' at that time.
No comments:
Post a Comment