Hurt

It was hard.....
I hate to admit it but I'm a huge sucker when it comes to love. But as much as I love Craig a lot, I could not get the anger outta my system. It was more of fear. I just keep thinking that if I go soft on him this time, he'll be used to me being ok with him giving me the 'break up' comments. I really want to emphasize on how painful it was for me this time round. So, yeah.. it was hard cos my heart was not in it when I had to be mean to Craig but my head was totally in control.

I think I'm just at this stage where I don't know if I should puke out my feelings for him. I feel all the love in the world for him but is it worth showing? Is it worth spilling it out? Will I get hurt more in the future if he ever wants to dump me again? I don't know....

But JA's words have been circling inside my head. She asked me to just live life without thinking and enjoy what you have. I guess I get stubborn sometimes and I tend to think a lot. Then, I would plan a lot and I would shield myself into a shell. I guess I'm in this huge shell towards Craig and it'll take time to get outta it again....

I know.. one might say what is a relationship without honesty and openness..... the truth is, I don't know... I'm just scared to be hurt again... I'm not really ready to get hurt...