Walk the Walk

In a world full of differences, if you ask yourself, everyone has a similarity.. passion. I believe everyone are affectionate and has this soft spot within themselves. It's just how it's summoned outta someone. In order to do that, you need patience. Now, look at it this way. You walk into a non familiar scene, where people check you out and unless you're one of them, they won't be really happy with you and won't warm up to you. Now, if you exert too much of your individuality, that would either totally impress them or offend them. The probability of offending them is much higher and the risk of not impressing them is pretty high as well. So, you need to blend in.

After observing the people around me or so called gay guys in Sydney, I find that they actually are passionate about something that's more than temporary fling. However, it takes them so much to talk the talk and not walk the walk. I was talking to Owen of this plan I'm following and he asked me if I could walk the walk after I talk the talk. I told him everyone has to start from somewhere. Some babies just stand up after years of not even crawling. Yes, it's baby luck!!! But that's one in a thirty or hundred even more likely. So, I rather be crawling than to stand up straight to walk.

Ladies and gents, I AM crawling at the moment. I am learning as I crawl. What am I actually doing?

Now, I have to admit lincoln made a huge impact on me. It's been two days I have him on my mind. Chris, who stood me up last night, is actually coming over tonight. He was broke and he ran outta credits. Fair chance! I'd love to be believed when I give an excuse so I'll spare him my trust for this.

Not to sound too dramatic. but it's true. I've been crying during the nights cos in the days, it makes me stronger. I've been non-reluctantly trying to blend into what most gay guys do. That is, to NOT settle down. I wanna gain someone's trust by being them first. I've been doing things wrong all along. Most of the time, it's just me me me me. It's just what I want and lure them into my world. Now, for once I'm gonna enter their world and slowly show them mine.

At the moment, I have Lincoln, who I heavily feel blessed to get to know and I have Chris, who's coming over who thinks I'm nice and hot and would love to get to know me. And I got Paul, who I've been chatting to. Now, three's a good number I can handle. I'm gonna play lazy susan on them now as I neutralize myself around them, setting my mind to a non-hopeful status. All I've shown Lincoln is that I love fun.. cos that's honesty. I love fun and so does he. He just got here from Adeleide and he deserves to have a bit of a blast. If he finds anyone whilst doing that, it's easy.. we're just not meant to be. I've told Chris not to expect anything since I have the tendency to flirt and I told him that I don't rush into things but also I'm not hesitant to have fun.

The reason I cry is cos that's not the real me. The real me is being simple and straight to the point and telling Lincoln that I would love to try to settle things down between us which would of course result either ok or not. And the real me is not dating Chris at the same time while I'm dating Lincoln. The real me is not flirting with Paul while I got both of them.

But the reason I wake up happy is cos everytime I cry, it shows that I've traded a chunk of my persona for a chunk of a welcome mat that I should be comfortably on by the time I wanna choose my man...

As they all say, don't hate the player.... hate the game, people.. hate the game...

Music: Jimmy Eats World - Sweetness

Mood: brave