The Right Solution

I guess this is the first ever time I'm posting a live blog. It's been ages since I've done one and I've been just writing things at home, saving them onto my hard disk and pasting them out in internet cafes.

Second day at work seems pretty cool. Still the minute taking bitch but I'm enjoying learning new things. Officework, always been interested in it but has never pictured myself doing it. Having to do something is way better than not having anything to do but then, having a lot to do sucks as well, especially when you don't have that much time. At the moment, I don't really seem to have a lot of things to do, which is cool but then I'd feel useless for quite some time or just restlessly wondering if I were supposed to be doing anything.

It's not a good day today. My sis's husband was drunk and just brainless. He went over to my grandparents' house, threw stones and climbed over the fence. He called me on the phone while I was at work. It came to the point where I had to find my sis and take her in our car and send her back home but he was there at the gate waiting for her. So, we just let him have a talk with my sis IN my mom's house. Just writing about it makes me sick. Here I am with this huge wanting to let my sis part with her husband just to end all misery and there they were trying to fix the same old story both had written everytime one of them fucks up.

I've been doing a lot of thinking. It's one thing to care about urself and it's yet another to care about ur family but I guess in life, there has to be a balance. I cannot decide for my sister and I guess I've done what I could to help her out. It's not my say or my fault that she's gonna suffer if she makes the wrong decision.

As a Buddhist, I was also taught to believe that all of us are born alone and will die alone. Having too much attachment to someone as much is just wrong. It's true she is my flesh and blood sister but why try to fix her when you're not allowed to enter the door.

I've also learnt that being too happy in this life can be quite risky, since it won't prepare you for any screw ups in the future. I guess I was running away from the truth when I was mostly happy. I tried to hide what's really there and make myself believe that life is good. I guess, that's not really the solution to this shannanigan... I guess, facing it and acting accordingly to come up with something to stop the misery for once and for all would be the best solution.

At the moment, my solution to this case would be to just be there for my sis ONLY if she needs me and if not, I'll gladly step away, even if it means I have to watch her slowly fade.