I am a workaholic yes it's true. But as mentioned in the previous blog entry, I'm beginning to get sick of it. The thing here is, that won't solve anything. When you have this pile of bricks that you keep laying in front of you and you have been laying brick by brick as you go along. Then, all of a sudden, the bricks fall apart. What do you do? I would just start piling a new brick pile.
My patience ran thin today when I was working with Boss. She was grumpy and I was tired. That two combination got us shouting at each other in a cafe shop over our two laptops, sipping on our latte and cappuccino. Her micro management was pissing me off and her command began to worsen from a 'can you do this report again' to a 'can you actually put a comma there'. It was unbearable. At some point, I felt like I could just quit.
I looked at her. My boss. I respect and love her and what was happening to her at that moment just turned her into my definition of 'ugly'. I can't really remember that image now but I just got way affected by her micro managing. Then, I shut my eyes and asked myself 'why did I love this creature? Why did I respect her?'. At a velocity of 10000 thought streams per microsecond, I opened up my eyes after a two seconds of shut eyes and I began to type. From me doing a report and telling her to check to her dictating and me typing her words, my ego had lost its flow. Second meanings didn't count. We are a team. I just can't let this moment fail me or her. It's either I collaborate or both of us fail. So, I started to type down everything she dictated.
The funny thing there was despite her micro management, her words were graspable. I could sink whatever she said into my head. I knew my method was correct but I could also be very acceptable of her approach. She graduated in "Communications" and I am an IT dude. She's been doing this job for more than ten years. Why the fuck not would I want to respect her and listen to her? Yes, it's true sometimes I might have a better idea than she does but she was on a roll and the best thing to do was agree with her and keep at it.
From an argument to an agreed rant in the cafe, Boss and I became closer than ever. I told her that her micro management was annoying but I also told her that I have learnt a lot from her. Working is being professional isn't it? If you decide to befriend your colleagues, the last thing you would wanna do is to affect the friendship with work material. After work is done, no matter how much of your negotiations fail or your arguments failing, a friend is a friend. We had a good dinner together and I was off to work with Shamrock.
The reason why my week in Thailand had become so stressful was because Boss and I were working under two big bosses and one expert. The expert, Shamrock, DOES know his shit. The two big bosses are also two respectful individuals. The thing here was the fact that me and Boss were asked to help Shamrock with work, following the instructions from the two big bosses, ToyBoss and ManName ( the scientist I worked with during PR III ). ToyBoss and ManName have managed to keep diplomacy at its best in emails. It's good for the relationship between them but it wasn't good enough for me, Shamrock and Boss. Three of us just wanted to see flags and not a discussion over high tea. We did NOT get affirmative decisions and we were stuck with assumptions of suggestions and recommendations being the final decisions. The fact that we were working while everyone was on holidays also sucked our spirits away. It was hard. But Shamrock is my brother after all. ToyBoss is someone I have found my new respect for and ManName has ALWAYS been there for me to tell me that I AM a strong individual. So I would just have to come up with a strategy to not side anyone here and to play safe.
Amidst all this, I got an email from Aunty, which was addressed and 'cc'ed to everyone at work. Now... I'm working here during my holiday and there she was emailing everyone away subtly and indirectly trying to imply that I am NOT qualified to be someone who would give presentations. I am ready to collaborate with her. I respect her field and I would not interfere but I think it's about time this fifty year old Burmese woman to finally get the idea into her thick head that 'respect does NOT come with age'. The burmese hierarchy shit is dead, woman! Get with the program! The email made me sick in the head since it was worthless crying over a disapproval from someone with such a small brain and a thick head. I'm ready to be her friend and the ball is in her court. Strike it hard and make me proud or just fucking lose your role in your job!
After all this, I finally got to talk with my mom on the phone. It was warm. I forgot how healthy and comfortable it makes me feel to hear her voice. After a few catch ups, she started to cry. It was painful to hear her cry. A widow mother of two who is helpless but who is surviving with her two kids working their asses off, I guess she felt guilty. But the thing was.. she's done more than she could. She could've left me and my sister after our dad died. My dad died and left us all in misery. I don't hate him and I still love him but it just teaches me to be a stronger individual than he was. I would NEVER walk out on my kids and I would fight to keep myself in check with my life until I know that my kids won't have to struggle... financially and mentally. If you ask me, my mom is a fighter. If I were my mom, I would've killed myself. She's fought too many battles in her life and I just think it's time to give her the rocking chair and her rose garden. It's about time she enjoys it but the deal here is the rocking chair and the rose garden is still in process. My sister fighting her divorce off and working hard and me waiting attentively for my PR in Australia and working hard, we both are struggling to support our mom but at the same time, to save ourselves.
Life is so funny. We cry for so many things in our lives but do we actually do anything to make things better? My mom tried. My sister is trying and I am beginning to know the purpose of my role in this life. Fight the shit outta things and to stop crying over spilt milk. Fuck drama! give me some storylines and I will act my role as perfect as I can. Like it or not, that's not for me to care!
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