Sometimes, we tend to not know the things we've hidden. We forgot that it's there cos we hide them so well to the point that we don't know they exist until they flash out of nowhere in front of us. And then, we're reminded of those that were forgotten.
Being alone in the hotel room takes me back to the time I was with my dad. The last time I was in a hotel room was when dad took mom, me and sis on a shopping spree in Bangkok when I was like 13. That was the last time I get to see a hotel room. Then, I thought about his death. I've hidden that as well. Then, I thought about my life in Sydney. How depressed I was. When I get depressed I would do anything to amuse me. Then, I thought about my care-free-yet-lonely life in Sydney meeting people up from sites and being happy used by some of them.
Things got worse when I saw my mom and sis. I was so happy around them. It reminded me of everything I've been. My life with them, my time with them, mom being worried over small things. I felt like five again but just with a bigger body. This strong Hein that I've built for so long just disappeared..
I became helpless and needy...
Then, I think about what I've achieved in life. Flashbacks and what's happening to me now.
Then I realized I should let my past go....
This is a new life.. a new me and a new future to look forward to..
I guess things of the past are there to remind me how far we've come and how long and hard we still have to march on in the future.
On the other hand, I'm happy (though not so proud I've hurt my boyfriend by being too honest with him) that I've learnt that I REALLY love Craig and nothing could stop me from having him.
Being alone in the hotel room takes me back to the time I was with my dad. The last time I was in a hotel room was when dad took mom, me and sis on a shopping spree in Bangkok when I was like 13. That was the last time I get to see a hotel room. Then, I thought about his death. I've hidden that as well. Then, I thought about my life in Sydney. How depressed I was. When I get depressed I would do anything to amuse me. Then, I thought about my care-free-yet-lonely life in Sydney meeting people up from sites and being happy used by some of them.
Things got worse when I saw my mom and sis. I was so happy around them. It reminded me of everything I've been. My life with them, my time with them, mom being worried over small things. I felt like five again but just with a bigger body. This strong Hein that I've built for so long just disappeared..
I became helpless and needy...
Then, I think about what I've achieved in life. Flashbacks and what's happening to me now.
Then I realized I should let my past go....
This is a new life.. a new me and a new future to look forward to..
I guess things of the past are there to remind me how far we've come and how long and hard we still have to march on in the future.
On the other hand, I'm happy (though not so proud I've hurt my boyfriend by being too honest with him) that I've learnt that I REALLY love Craig and nothing could stop me from having him.
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