September seems so long and a lot had gone on in the month. Became a full time employee with a humanitarian group, made friends with my workmates, realized work was better than home, realized I cannot save my family members, decided that there's nothing scary about being gay, felt ready to come out to my parents or grandparents if they should ever ask, had a crush on a straight guy who was just being my friend just for the fuck of it, had a crush on my workmate, found out he's an awesome big brother slash friend to me, had a crush on a filo guy and just as I thought things were coming to a good halt, September ended. Rough at the beginning but kinda better towards the end, I thought of wanting to just sleep through it. I was wrong.
Yesterday, Red became more of an asshole than I could've ever imagined. He was just being boring on chat and he started giving excuse about his itchy throat and how he didn't wanna go out and how he just wanted to stay online and talk to his sister while I was trying my ass off to do whatever it takes to meet him. I got pissed off and I shared my story with my 'boss' and BEA. Minutes later, I got more pissed off... because I have become the person I was when I was with Simon. He might've just chucked a normal gesture... sick, talking to sister and not wanting to hang out. But I took that as he had started to lose interest in me. WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU TURNED INTO, HEIN????? So, after I broke up with Simon, I have tried to better myself. And after four years of being single and dating and just whoring around, I've become stronger and finally when I date this dude, I have finally become as weak as I was four years ago. I was so pissed off with myself.
The greatest thing about work was the fact that my Italy workmate(who got back), let's name her "OPAL", had a ciggie with me while BEA patted me on the back and asked me to promise him not to eat ice cream (because I was telling him I'll go home to eat ice cream to which he referred to as 'self pity' which was way too true). 'Boss' even told me some of her stories which resembled a bit of mine and somehow, I didn't feel that bad anymore. Then, to make myself feel better, I went over to KP's to have some alcohol with his wife, Steve, Steve's wife and the designer. I finally told the designer and the wives about Red.
Steve's wife wanted me to do what I want and that she would be there for me if any shit should happen. KP's wife didn't want me to feel worried for something that I have no idea of. BUT, the designer told me something that kinda still keep me in the 'downer' side.
So, apparently, Red is a gold digger. He once hooked up with the designer's friend and borrowed money from her and did not give back. The designer asked him about the money and he got pissed off. Now, the designer thinks that he's lying about his gayness in order to dig some money off me. Now, the thing is he DID confess to me that he has never done a guy before in his life. I just don't know what to make of it but lately, he's been a bit of a quiet-fan. He hasn't even messaged me on gtalk as I'm typing at the moment.
I don't really know what's gonna come out of this but it pains me that such a person exists. Someone who would fake he's gay to get money off me? Seriously, I AM NOT Rich. I am NOT popular. What does he want from me?
Now, Steve and KP had another suggestion. It was to have sex with him and make sure he's gay just to make sure he's not being a friend of mine for the money.
This morning, when I got to work, BEA came over to my room and asked me if I had ice cream the night before. I thought that was really sweet of him. For someone who said "I don't care" when I told him "I'm gonna miss you when you leave the office NO HOMO", that meant a lot to me. Given he also saved me from my drunkness last friday, I do see him as my big brother figure. I mean, why would I want him to be gay when he can be my big brother with a good wife? And what would make me think he would swing my way? Hah..
But yeah, I'm still so confused. and very sad if only what the designer said was true.....
No comments:
Post a Comment