One of the main attractions that I was able to utilize was my straightness. Some gay men find it a bit challenging to try to find out what makes me the way I am. I think I’m pretty much a normal homeboy but I guess the way I can talk about chicks while sipping on beer talking about straight porn seems to make me quite an interesting specimen.
Long long ago before I was exposed to homosexuality in Australia, I’ve had a huge denial stage where I used to have a bit of a crush on some chicks, not really caring about the angle of elevation between my thigh and my you-know-what. I thought a boner comes with the feeling ‘love’ but boy was I wrong when I got fucked by a man for the first time in Sydney. There I knew it. A boner at its best, I was a very proud homosexual since then.
Going back to the denial stage, I had this crush on this girl called TTM. TTM was an associate of DoubleAwife. Maybe it was her happy-go-lucky personality mixed with her confidence. Her face was a mystery, and still is, and she breathes this air of comfort whenever I was around her. We were pretty much at the ‘play’ stage but it never got up since I was afraid of rejection and I find it quite hard for a girl in Myanmar to make the first move back then.
TTM called me last night and told me she was gonna be paying for a trip to a beach for her birthday with twelve of her friends. I was quite honored she included me in and she called me back today to tell me about the updates. Now, I thought that was gonna be it but I realized she didn’t seem to want to hang up the phone. We talked on and I would try my best to interrupt any silence, kinda intimidated that she might think of me as a boring talker. Somehow, it was a pretty good chat and I have this mixed feeling of content about this newfound friendship between TTM and me; I feel like she’s getting comfortable with me knowing I am not into her sexually but the funny thing was how I was reminded of the days when I had a huge crush on her. Friends, it is.
Speaking of friends, I was a bit disappointed with MrEscort today. To be honest he has never given me the time of day to have a one-on-one outing. I guess when I’m pretty much in a crisis, I can’t do the whole group outing happiness. I told him I was not in the mood to meet him with his friends since I wouldn’t be able to be honest about the way I would be around them. Today, he told me about his dream, which I found a bit funny and quite pleasing. He dreamt about me asking him to try out this coffee. Random, huh? I laughed out really loud and tried to swerve the conversation topic when he told me that we were a couple in his dream. Then, he went on about how surprised he was about him dreaming of me when he hasn’t even dreamt of his dad before. I told him it’s easy since he has seen me more than he’s seen his dad, given his dad left his family since he was like three or something. Then, he asked me to come over to his place to his parties, to which I refused since I was not really in the mood for any group outings. Then, he told me how it was a group of small number and close friends, to which I still objected. Come on, I only want to hang out with him as a buddy and a one-on-one is ideal. It was that moment that he made it a bit awkward when he said ‘we’ would entertain me. I wasn’t impressed. If I seem like this ‘one of his groupies’, it was pretty obvious that was not what I was going for from him. Not to mention the drugged out alcohol filled atmosphere he seem to be talking about most of the time about his friends and him. Sorry, mr.. I don’t flow like that. It’s a shame actually cos he could’ve been such a good friend of mine.
Long long ago before I was exposed to homosexuality in Australia, I’ve had a huge denial stage where I used to have a bit of a crush on some chicks, not really caring about the angle of elevation between my thigh and my you-know-what. I thought a boner comes with the feeling ‘love’ but boy was I wrong when I got fucked by a man for the first time in Sydney. There I knew it. A boner at its best, I was a very proud homosexual since then.
Going back to the denial stage, I had this crush on this girl called TTM. TTM was an associate of DoubleAwife. Maybe it was her happy-go-lucky personality mixed with her confidence. Her face was a mystery, and still is, and she breathes this air of comfort whenever I was around her. We were pretty much at the ‘play’ stage but it never got up since I was afraid of rejection and I find it quite hard for a girl in Myanmar to make the first move back then.
TTM called me last night and told me she was gonna be paying for a trip to a beach for her birthday with twelve of her friends. I was quite honored she included me in and she called me back today to tell me about the updates. Now, I thought that was gonna be it but I realized she didn’t seem to want to hang up the phone. We talked on and I would try my best to interrupt any silence, kinda intimidated that she might think of me as a boring talker. Somehow, it was a pretty good chat and I have this mixed feeling of content about this newfound friendship between TTM and me; I feel like she’s getting comfortable with me knowing I am not into her sexually but the funny thing was how I was reminded of the days when I had a huge crush on her. Friends, it is.
Speaking of friends, I was a bit disappointed with MrEscort today. To be honest he has never given me the time of day to have a one-on-one outing. I guess when I’m pretty much in a crisis, I can’t do the whole group outing happiness. I told him I was not in the mood to meet him with his friends since I wouldn’t be able to be honest about the way I would be around them. Today, he told me about his dream, which I found a bit funny and quite pleasing. He dreamt about me asking him to try out this coffee. Random, huh? I laughed out really loud and tried to swerve the conversation topic when he told me that we were a couple in his dream. Then, he went on about how surprised he was about him dreaming of me when he hasn’t even dreamt of his dad before. I told him it’s easy since he has seen me more than he’s seen his dad, given his dad left his family since he was like three or something. Then, he asked me to come over to his place to his parties, to which I refused since I was not really in the mood for any group outings. Then, he told me how it was a group of small number and close friends, to which I still objected. Come on, I only want to hang out with him as a buddy and a one-on-one is ideal. It was that moment that he made it a bit awkward when he said ‘we’ would entertain me. I wasn’t impressed. If I seem like this ‘one of his groupies’, it was pretty obvious that was not what I was going for from him. Not to mention the drugged out alcohol filled atmosphere he seem to be talking about most of the time about his friends and him. Sorry, mr.. I don’t flow like that. It’s a shame actually cos he could’ve been such a good friend of mine.
Listening to: The Black Ghosts – Full moon
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