From the movie 'Blind Dating', I really like the line where this chick
went "Blind? I thought you were gay". Haha, shows we're better than
blind people. Ok, that was a bit mean. I have nothing against blind
people. In fact, I cried when I was 13 and when my class went on a
school trip to a blind school and I saw this kid singing staring at
the ceiling. I mean, she was such a good singer and she was singing
the song "Sailing", a hit by Rod Stewarts and all I could do was sit
there and cry like a retard feeling so sorry for her. Oh yeah, that's
another place I went to when I had to sing for charity but I wouldn't
use the word 'retard' for that.
I have some feelings after watching this movie but let me start with
what actually happened at the hospital today.
Under Pressure... a song by David Bowie and Queen. The second
definition to that phrase is Hein at a hospital at 3:40 pm on August
10th, 2009. Yep, the usual nurse who kept measuring my weight, just
for the fun of it, was there. As usual, the routine for her was to
plaster my ass while she looks at the piece of art(my butt of course)
and lead me to the weighing machine to have my weight measured. Today,
as I was getting ready taking off my sarong to expose my black shiny
ass on the bed, she said "You sing, right?". Now, that would normally
be a very good sentence but not when you have to keep showing your ass
and asking that someone for your weight, which is incredibly heavy at
the moment. I was working out a lot of possible answers in my head.
"Nah, I'm his look-a-like" "Hahaha I'm his twin brother" or "Nah I
don't sing but I work as a janitor in a museum". None can't do cos my
grand-dad was there who would be unprepared to support my lie and tell
the truth which is 'yes, I AM THE singer'. So, I went "yeah i do sing"
followed by a gulp, an ass exposure and a weight measure of over 200
lbs. The worst thing was when the doctor actually had to cut off some
skin of my wound cos it's growing too fast. Like, why did he have to
choose today. Why? Why not some other day when this kid doesn't know
that I used to work in the singing industry. As I would be, I was
panicking while he snapped my dead skin off with his tweeny scissors
and I would give an unexpected groan or a high pitched 'ouch' here and
there, RIGHT IN FRONT OF THAT NURSE. Don't get me wrong, she IS my
favorite nurse and the fact that she actually said my weight was 201
lbs instead of 202 lbs was kinda cute, her excuse being 'You have your
shoes on'. Wise trick! But yeah, all I could think was to just go home
and forget the whole incident. Now, as I was walking to the counter to
pay for the dressing charge, she asked me which songs I sang cos she
saw me in a journal(mini-mags) and she didn't really remember which
song I sang. I told her it was five years ago and that I would give
her a sample CD if I ever plan to sing again. Of course, with an
awkward smile at the end to which she just respond with her usual
sweet smile. Oh, nurse, you have NO idea how much pressure was put
onto this boy. Oh god, imagine her topic next time she sees her
friends. "So, I have seen S Hein's big black hairy ass". Oh God Fuck
My Life!!!!
The whole 'noticing that I sing' actually happened at the DVD shop as
well when the girl at the counter went 'OMG you're back.. are you
still singing?'. All I could do was chuckle and wish she hadn't
reminded me of my hospital incident. Scarred for life, hallelujah!
So, instead of going to the cinema with double A, I stayed home and
watched this "Chris Pine" flick "Blind Dating" about some blind guy
who's trying to find love. Cliche cliche yet feel good. I felt good
for Chris Pine but I feel so disgusted with myself. You have this
blind boy who's brave enough to date chicks and be himself at the same
time and not really withdrawn by rejections. Well, Chris Pine is way
HOT but then how would a blind person know he's hot, eh? This takes me
to the first night I had sex with a man in Sydney. I cried that night
because I've given up my virginity to this Arab talking fat thirty
something one night stander but the cry was followed by a satisfaction
that I've done it. I've been thinking about the dates I've had in
Sydney as well. I talk too much. I get nervous and I would act as if
everything's ok. Ben Hedgehog asked me how I find monogamy and I was
ready with an answer like "It happens and if I love someone, I shall
learn to forgive". He gave me this 'intrigued' frown followed by a
kiss that night and a rejection that I had to pull outta him two weeks
later on the phone. It was a top-notch answer, a well thought one,
with a cherry on top BUT it wasn't honest. What do I think of
monogamy? Actually he asked me what I feel about boyfriends being
non-monogamous and I said 'that's ok'. God, I lied.. not only to him
but to myself. Fearing he'd let me go, I lied to myself that it's a
forgiveable act. I don't have anything against monogamy but the truth
was and the true answer should be 'I don't know' cos seriously I've
never had a boyfriend cheat on me before; DUH I had only one.
Dinner with Kieran, we always have pauses in between our convos
followed by How's your day from Kieran. And of course, me as Mr 'happy
go lucky' said "haha as usual.. uni sucks but I'm ok". Did I feel that
way? NOOOOOOOOOOOO.... Uni doesn't suck.. if it wasn't for uni, I
would've never known Ali nor Jen nor Alex nor any other cool people
I've met. And was I ok? NOOOOOOOO I had an assignment due that week
that I lost my book to and hadn't worked on. Holy Jesus, I ace at
lying, don't I? In fact, once in a job interview, my only lie was when
I told the employer "I don't really know how to lie". Ironic much?
So, it's not as if I would ever search for Mr Right in a hurry when I
come back to Sydney given I have things to do on my "Priority List"
but just for once I would love to be honest and taken seriously for
that. And just for once I would like to be brave about what I said,
not fearing how it's gonna be judged. And just for once, I'd wanna
have a real date with a real man who would laugh at me for stuttering
when I look into his eyes. I know I'm not hot but I'm worth the try
and I'm worth the honesty.
If a blind man can do it, so can I........ cos to be honest, I AM
quite blind in the 'love' department. Despite the songs I wrote, I am
quite inexperienced.
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