It’s funny how my friend, KP, could come up with the best philosophy which could probably change my life. The funnier thing was how I could hear myself saying that to other people.
I went to KP’s house yesterday after work to record yet another episode of my radio show. After a car crash and my car breaking down, I was pretty much convinced that my life was at the lowest of the low. After the recording, KP and I sat down and had some menthol ciggies. I uttered out a bit of a truth I’ve been getting used to lately. My weakness. The usual happy Hein just couldn’t hold it back and I told him how breaking up with my ex has made me feel so alone in this world. This was when he said “You know what your problem is? You don’t appreciate what you have.” Now what he said works through different level.
DRR-DIAS Myanmar: Working in UN-Habitat, my main project is to work on a web-based assessment in a third world country, where the word ‘firewall’ is pretty common. Yesterday I encountered a huge error that caused me to halt the whole process. The worst thing was not knowing whether this error was caused by my wrong codes or the firewall which is not allowing things to happen. Worst of all, I’m not sure whether it’s the firewall from the UN or the country itself. Now, come to think of it, there are many people out there around me who’s jobless and who would die to work in the UN. Why is it so hard to accept that I was lucky enough to actually be working on an assessment that means something, despite the fact that it won’t work or not.
Album pending: I still have yet to finish my album which has been taking more than a year now. My comeback after five years and my fifth album in the making, I was excited until all shit hits the fan and my music mixer is pretty much avoiding my phonecalls. Yes, it’s pretty unprofessional of him but there are people out there who wants to sing live on stage, let alone have an album out. Why is it so hard to accept that I was lucky enough to actually be working on an album, which has been criticized by a lot of other professionals as a good breakthrough?
Love life: My ex has been my biggest lost of the year. Worst of all, it was because of me. A monogamous gay man who believes in having a family and who’s held onto me despite the distance, I kept wanting more from him til the point that it was almost impossible for him to be able to give more. Now, I’m left to square one with no one in sight and pretty much with no intention to actually even get back to wanting a somebody to hold me tight, wake up with or kiss just cos I feel like it. Despite the fact that the ghost of my ex still haunts me to sleepless nights and a sudden change in my social calendar full of cancellations for parties, why is it so hard to accept that I was lucky enough to have experienced a love so true and good when a lot of people out there has ONLY written or dreamt about the love that I’ve shared with him? Let alone that, with what I’ve learnt from my mistakes, I’m pretty confident that I wouldn’t repeat the same mistake again in the future.
I got a good life, a good family, an exciting unseen future and a good present which could enhance that. Although there are a lot of things I could still wish and hope for, isn’t it time I’m happy just being the way that I am? My ex boss slash best sister in Sydney once asked me if I were happy in Burma to which I’ve answered ‘no’ to. She told me it was important to be happy where I was no matter where it is cos I could just come back to Sydney and be sad like I was with my uni life. With so much potential to have such negative things happening around me, I’ve grabbed hold of the fact that I still have the brighter side to which I could learn to get used to.
KP amazes me sometimes. Thank you!
I went to KP’s house yesterday after work to record yet another episode of my radio show. After a car crash and my car breaking down, I was pretty much convinced that my life was at the lowest of the low. After the recording, KP and I sat down and had some menthol ciggies. I uttered out a bit of a truth I’ve been getting used to lately. My weakness. The usual happy Hein just couldn’t hold it back and I told him how breaking up with my ex has made me feel so alone in this world. This was when he said “You know what your problem is? You don’t appreciate what you have.” Now what he said works through different level.
DRR-DIAS Myanmar: Working in UN-Habitat, my main project is to work on a web-based assessment in a third world country, where the word ‘firewall’ is pretty common. Yesterday I encountered a huge error that caused me to halt the whole process. The worst thing was not knowing whether this error was caused by my wrong codes or the firewall which is not allowing things to happen. Worst of all, I’m not sure whether it’s the firewall from the UN or the country itself. Now, come to think of it, there are many people out there around me who’s jobless and who would die to work in the UN. Why is it so hard to accept that I was lucky enough to actually be working on an assessment that means something, despite the fact that it won’t work or not.
Album pending: I still have yet to finish my album which has been taking more than a year now. My comeback after five years and my fifth album in the making, I was excited until all shit hits the fan and my music mixer is pretty much avoiding my phonecalls. Yes, it’s pretty unprofessional of him but there are people out there who wants to sing live on stage, let alone have an album out. Why is it so hard to accept that I was lucky enough to actually be working on an album, which has been criticized by a lot of other professionals as a good breakthrough?
Love life: My ex has been my biggest lost of the year. Worst of all, it was because of me. A monogamous gay man who believes in having a family and who’s held onto me despite the distance, I kept wanting more from him til the point that it was almost impossible for him to be able to give more. Now, I’m left to square one with no one in sight and pretty much with no intention to actually even get back to wanting a somebody to hold me tight, wake up with or kiss just cos I feel like it. Despite the fact that the ghost of my ex still haunts me to sleepless nights and a sudden change in my social calendar full of cancellations for parties, why is it so hard to accept that I was lucky enough to have experienced a love so true and good when a lot of people out there has ONLY written or dreamt about the love that I’ve shared with him? Let alone that, with what I’ve learnt from my mistakes, I’m pretty confident that I wouldn’t repeat the same mistake again in the future.
I got a good life, a good family, an exciting unseen future and a good present which could enhance that. Although there are a lot of things I could still wish and hope for, isn’t it time I’m happy just being the way that I am? My ex boss slash best sister in Sydney once asked me if I were happy in Burma to which I’ve answered ‘no’ to. She told me it was important to be happy where I was no matter where it is cos I could just come back to Sydney and be sad like I was with my uni life. With so much potential to have such negative things happening around me, I’ve grabbed hold of the fact that I still have the brighter side to which I could learn to get used to.
KP amazes me sometimes. Thank you!
Listening to: Simply Red - Fairground
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