Holidays make me crazy and not in a good way. I just had enough of being unmotivated, depressed and pretty much pathless. It’s been a messy emotional rollercoaster to deal with break ups, make ups, work change or living up to someone’s expectations. Conditions have been cruel when I’m always having constant fear of failure at the most unfruitful time. Luck has been cruel when I’m faced with small mishaps linked with one another. I’m just at this point where I say to myself “Why do these thing happen to me?” and “Why the fuck not?” It’s not easy being in a long distance relationship, feeling insecure most of the times, not knowing what’s going on, not being able to be yourself in public, not being able to work in the right place at a right time, not being able to be with those you love and not being able to feel as much happiness or hope as you used to. But then again, it’s also not easy to live them on. So, I just had enough of being a moping sulking son of a bitch and it’s about time I chuck a ‘why not’ at my life.
So, today BigSis and I went to Shwedagon pagoda. Normally, we would cab it there but given I had my driver and my car today, we asked my driver to drop us off at a market and to wait for us at one of the wings. Ok, the pagoda is a huge circle if you should ever googlemap it. It has four wings, with parking lots, and the whole trip around the pagoda takes around one hour to go around it by walking at a normal speed. Each wing has a flight of stairs (approximately 80 steps or more) to reach to the top of the pagoda. The circumference of the top of the pagoda takes me 10 minutes to completely circle around it. The market is at one of the wings and that wing actually has twice the size of those 80 steps to reach from the very top until the market. I totally forgot how the market is an extended endpoint of one of the wings and treated that as one of the wing.
So, BigSis and I went up from the market wing, took 160 steps up to the top of the pagoda and 20 steps before the top (red line), BigSis and I gave our shoes in those shoe lockers. Then, both us went around and came back to the market wing, went down 20 steps to take our shoes(red line) and started heading towards the wing where my car would be parked. Actually, it’s parked at the SAME wing where we took off our shoes but thanks to my stupid sense of direction, BigSis and I took an hour circling three wings on foot on ground level(green line), until we got tired and took a cab (blue line) to take us to the wing where we departed off (the market wing) and there it was, my car parked in the parking spot with my driver wandering aimlessly where we both were. On a brighter note, it was a good exercise.
I’m not having the best time of my life. I want to get back to Sydney already and I think my life would ONLY start once I settle there. It’s not about the place but it’s more about settlement. I’m pretty much sick of moving around and living on hopes and depending on other people to feel brave about.
When I was five, my grand-dad went to the toilet while we were shopping. Since I was too busy checking out some toys, I lost my way and I started crying only to find out my grand-dad would be back to come pick me up after he comes outta the toilet. I felt the same with BooMan. I love him to death til the point I’ve depended on his being to the way I live. I forgot about my life and I forgot about reality. I don’t want to depend on anyone anymore. I’ll give him all I can, love him with all my might til I run out but I will have to start focusing on my life on my two feet from now on. I guess, finding my way around the huge pagoda for my carspot is a good start. At least, I found it after an hour.
So, today BigSis and I went to Shwedagon pagoda. Normally, we would cab it there but given I had my driver and my car today, we asked my driver to drop us off at a market and to wait for us at one of the wings. Ok, the pagoda is a huge circle if you should ever googlemap it. It has four wings, with parking lots, and the whole trip around the pagoda takes around one hour to go around it by walking at a normal speed. Each wing has a flight of stairs (approximately 80 steps or more) to reach to the top of the pagoda. The circumference of the top of the pagoda takes me 10 minutes to completely circle around it. The market is at one of the wings and that wing actually has twice the size of those 80 steps to reach from the very top until the market. I totally forgot how the market is an extended endpoint of one of the wings and treated that as one of the wing.
So, BigSis and I went up from the market wing, took 160 steps up to the top of the pagoda and 20 steps before the top (red line), BigSis and I gave our shoes in those shoe lockers. Then, both us went around and came back to the market wing, went down 20 steps to take our shoes(red line) and started heading towards the wing where my car would be parked. Actually, it’s parked at the SAME wing where we took off our shoes but thanks to my stupid sense of direction, BigSis and I took an hour circling three wings on foot on ground level(green line), until we got tired and took a cab (blue line) to take us to the wing where we departed off (the market wing) and there it was, my car parked in the parking spot with my driver wandering aimlessly where we both were. On a brighter note, it was a good exercise.
I’m not having the best time of my life. I want to get back to Sydney already and I think my life would ONLY start once I settle there. It’s not about the place but it’s more about settlement. I’m pretty much sick of moving around and living on hopes and depending on other people to feel brave about.
When I was five, my grand-dad went to the toilet while we were shopping. Since I was too busy checking out some toys, I lost my way and I started crying only to find out my grand-dad would be back to come pick me up after he comes outta the toilet. I felt the same with BooMan. I love him to death til the point I’ve depended on his being to the way I live. I forgot about my life and I forgot about reality. I don’t want to depend on anyone anymore. I’ll give him all I can, love him with all my might til I run out but I will have to start focusing on my life on my two feet from now on. I guess, finding my way around the huge pagoda for my carspot is a good start. At least, I found it after an hour.
Listening to: Mutya Buena – Real Girl
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