I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to be in Freddy Kruger movies. The fact that you wake up from dreams, not knowing you’re still in your dreams. The movie “Inception” made the whole process seems more interesting.
Maybe it’s the aftermath of what I’ve done few days before but my brain seems numb and my memory’s beginning to fade. The good thing about all of this is the fact that I’m learning to forget my pasts as fast as I can. The better part is where I’m too tired to think about the future. But then again, the worst part is how I’m exhausted living in the present.
I felt like I woke up from a nightmare to kick myself back to reality when mom and sis got to Burma. Then, today, I woke up at five am and I noticed I had to take them to the airport. I do NOT like airports. Looking at how things are now, I don’t even know if I should like airports when I get back to Sydney. You get lost easily and people are just there to check you and remind you that bringing a bomb is bad. As usual, I felt ill the whole time I was in the airport. Numb usually. I saw my mom and sis crying but I chose to ignore it. I felt like I woke up from yet another dream to end up in another ‘nightmare-to-be’.
As I watched my mom and sis go, the chemicals in me started to fade as I started thinking about my past and future again. I recalled the time I was in Sydney airport when I had no choice to be sad or happy but just afraid to get back to Myanmar. Then, I thought about how things will work out if I ever get to Sydney again. Will I have anyone picking me up? Will I be able to get a job? Will I be lonely as before? Is this the last time I’ll see mom and sis for a long time? Where will I be when they come back to Burma again?
I closed my eyes and pinched myself hard, hoping this was yet another nightmare. But then I realized this wasn’t and it’s just the present state I’m in. Lost as ever and given up on hoping.
Maybe it’s the aftermath of what I’ve done few days before but my brain seems numb and my memory’s beginning to fade. The good thing about all of this is the fact that I’m learning to forget my pasts as fast as I can. The better part is where I’m too tired to think about the future. But then again, the worst part is how I’m exhausted living in the present.
I felt like I woke up from a nightmare to kick myself back to reality when mom and sis got to Burma. Then, today, I woke up at five am and I noticed I had to take them to the airport. I do NOT like airports. Looking at how things are now, I don’t even know if I should like airports when I get back to Sydney. You get lost easily and people are just there to check you and remind you that bringing a bomb is bad. As usual, I felt ill the whole time I was in the airport. Numb usually. I saw my mom and sis crying but I chose to ignore it. I felt like I woke up from yet another dream to end up in another ‘nightmare-to-be’.
As I watched my mom and sis go, the chemicals in me started to fade as I started thinking about my past and future again. I recalled the time I was in Sydney airport when I had no choice to be sad or happy but just afraid to get back to Myanmar. Then, I thought about how things will work out if I ever get to Sydney again. Will I have anyone picking me up? Will I be able to get a job? Will I be lonely as before? Is this the last time I’ll see mom and sis for a long time? Where will I be when they come back to Burma again?
I closed my eyes and pinched myself hard, hoping this was yet another nightmare. But then I realized this wasn’t and it’s just the present state I’m in. Lost as ever and given up on hoping.
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