If a blog was a traffic jam and I’m on a car on my way to work, today is the part where I whinge like an old cow who can’t give milk to its owner. Yes, I miss my ex. Can’t get him outta my head and the fact that my sister is doing a long distance relationship, checking her facebook and gmail in front of me kills me more. Sometimes, I wonder what he would be doing, how he would be feeling or how he could stay without talking to me while I twist and turn in my own misery. Ok, that was a lie. I might not be twisting and turning in my misery since I’m naturally not a sad kinda person for more than two days but I gotta admit my heart still burns like a tablecloth with hot coffee on it, spilled by some lousy clumsy lady.
So, my mom, knowing I’m gay and not ok with it but still supportive of my ‘twist and turn’ whingeing behavior, tried her very best to give me a pep talk. WHICH DOES NOT WORK. “I’ll find you a wife”. You know, I know my mom’s never to be a candidate in one of those ‘most tactful mother of the year’ award show but this was just tactless to the max. “Mom, I do NOT like vaginas”. She doesn’t care. She doesn’t want me to have a lonely life with a gay man without mini Heins. But Craig did believe in babies and maybe, another gay man would. Urgh. And this takes me back to a mid life crisis.
I’m not settled nor stable. So, people tell me to find someone new or fuck around. Well, given my career and the popularity of Hepatitis C in Myanmar, I find it hard to just kiss a commoner and get fucked cold with paparazzi; no, I’m not that popular but a column about a gay singer does come across a huge hit on newspapers stands. And find someone new? Are you kidding me? Let alone I can’t get rid of my ex in my head, how the fuck can I find anyone who would want me at this moment? A guy who’s waiting to get his PR to Australia and still on a temporary consultant position in UN, where he’s NOT happy working in. Seriously, I would never have dated me, let alone boyfriended me. So, the mid life crisis scares me to death and finding a new guy to get over things just bores me.
I mean, love does not just drop out of a mailbox like babies from pelicans. There isn’t any mythical thing about love. People die from it. People die trying to find it. People does not dare to formularize it. I really hate the fact that love is my weakness. I just can’t wait to be settled and maybe I can pay a boytoy to be my partner til death do us part and force his sperm to fuse with mine and live a single father life, trying to come up with stories to tell my kids about their mysterious mommy who wouldn’t exist.
God, I hate my life!!!!
So, my mom, knowing I’m gay and not ok with it but still supportive of my ‘twist and turn’ whingeing behavior, tried her very best to give me a pep talk. WHICH DOES NOT WORK. “I’ll find you a wife”. You know, I know my mom’s never to be a candidate in one of those ‘most tactful mother of the year’ award show but this was just tactless to the max. “Mom, I do NOT like vaginas”. She doesn’t care. She doesn’t want me to have a lonely life with a gay man without mini Heins. But Craig did believe in babies and maybe, another gay man would. Urgh. And this takes me back to a mid life crisis.
I’m not settled nor stable. So, people tell me to find someone new or fuck around. Well, given my career and the popularity of Hepatitis C in Myanmar, I find it hard to just kiss a commoner and get fucked cold with paparazzi; no, I’m not that popular but a column about a gay singer does come across a huge hit on newspapers stands. And find someone new? Are you kidding me? Let alone I can’t get rid of my ex in my head, how the fuck can I find anyone who would want me at this moment? A guy who’s waiting to get his PR to Australia and still on a temporary consultant position in UN, where he’s NOT happy working in. Seriously, I would never have dated me, let alone boyfriended me. So, the mid life crisis scares me to death and finding a new guy to get over things just bores me.
I mean, love does not just drop out of a mailbox like babies from pelicans. There isn’t any mythical thing about love. People die from it. People die trying to find it. People does not dare to formularize it. I really hate the fact that love is my weakness. I just can’t wait to be settled and maybe I can pay a boytoy to be my partner til death do us part and force his sperm to fuse with mine and live a single father life, trying to come up with stories to tell my kids about their mysterious mommy who wouldn’t exist.
God, I hate my life!!!!
Listening to: Fefe Dobson - Everything
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