Catching Hope

LB finally picked up the phone yay. Well, I found out today that Mama Mills is kinda cool with her bf again, which is pretty cool to hear but on the other hand, my hopes of living with her with LB and Luke and me in a townhouse is kinda drifting away. Given that LB is still not really into the moving by the way he sounded today, I think it's gonna end up being me and Babylet. Ah well, it's not that that bad.. I"m just glad Mama Mills is ok. Plus, I like Tio a lot lately and it'd be a shame to see them apart.

Today was the most 'well spent' day of my life I guess. First of all, I went to gym and met up with Nessyboo for lunch. It was kinda short and abrupt since she had to meet Sam G at 2pm and I had to meet Jess M at 2pm. But it was just good to see her again since I haven't seen her in ages.

Hanging with Jess was surprisingly cool. Not that I never thought it would NOT be cool but we seem to have a lot to talk about and I like the fact that our convo had no boundaries and the convo bounced from each other and there was always something we both have to have a say in every topic anyone of us could come up with. We got bored sitting down at Webster building and finally we went off to Oxford St for a coffee. It was really nice and I REALLY enjoyed conversing with her. It is quite surprising since I have NO IDEA how we became this close but I really dig talking with her and it was just nice to chillax and just talk our minds off.

Meeting with Alexi had always been a good prediction. Like, I know it's gonna be worth meeting up with him. He talks like my grandparents but kinda stay levelled with me while talking about my life/issues. I think it's good to have someone who's older and much wiser than me who's not afraid to share his mistakes and not afraid to tell me what's right and wrong. I told him about Ben and all that and I guess he's got a point when he said 'Can you start focusing on yourself first?'. SO TRUE. I really enjoyed our chat over ciggies and coffee.

I guess when it all sums up to one thing, it's all about me. I guess I just have to learn to love myself and take care of myself despite how much I really would love to be 'the one' for Ben or just be cool with my friends. I guess I deserve to be treated the best by me and not by anyone else. I think I've always found pleasing others or just making others happy is a way to make myself better. But then again, how perfect am I to be the preacher and doer of others' lives. NO matter how good I am to people, once someone points out 'hey hein how's ur life', wouldn't it be stupid if I go 'oh dang I forgot to fix it since I've been so occupied with others that I've been trying to please. My grandma was right. I have this inner desire to please others. It used to be with what I've got back in Burma. Cars, money, company or just an ear. IN Australia, it sums up to me pleasing others. I think when you're in the weakest position you DO find charity work for others quite admirable from my part. I've been telling off Ness to STOP pleasing others and surround herself with happy people. Now, I think that should be said to me. Since I REALLY need to make myself worth it and to move on and aim for the best. I'm still gonna please people since it's my inner strength and what I'm good at. But at the same time, it's about time I remodel and fix this machine called 'HEIN'.....

Music: Ash - Shining Light

Mood: brave