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They taped over your mouth, scribbled out the truth with their lies, you little spies? I have no friggin clue what that line meant in that song. I have no idea who or what she's referring to as 'they'. Like, is it the eyes? Or the feeling of having a crush on feeling? Or the game that people play? Ah well, who cares.. So.. yes as I was sitting down here just about to babble on about life, that song came on my playlist and I just had to comment on it. It's "Crush Crush Crush" by Paramore for your information.

I heard that a father of one of my very close friends passed away. It sucks.. it sucks more cos now she has to fly back to Burma. I'm assuming she flew back. My flatmate tried calling her but no one picked up the house phone as well. So, it's pretty clear that she's nowhere around here or just not really in the mood to pick up the phone. Poor thing! I remember back in Singapore when my dad died. I wasn't even told that it was my dad dying. Just imagine this face I had with me as I was disembarking my car with my grandmom crying behind me. That was just horrid! So, I feel a lot for this friend of mine and I wish her the safest trip back both mentally and physically.

You know... it's not really a very therapeutic life people like me and she lives. Like, I could see myself graduating and somehow visiting back to Burma. I'll feel like that Zack dude from Garden State. I'll feel so different. Things changed during five years that I was away from home. I've turned gay. Maybe the way I act might seem different to whoever's in Burma. Maybe the way I talk and the way I deal. At the same time, it'll suck to see my parents and my grandparents ageing obviously as opposed to seeing them wrinkle everyday as it come, which isn't that painful and quite subtle. Now, going back to Burma, I'm not really sure I'd want to but then if I don't, where do I have a home? It's kinda scary come to think of it. If only I can't take things in a happy manner, I'd be one fucked up victim right now.

Today, the producer's meeting was cancelled cos Mel couldn't be there. Well, that wasn't the main reason. We had a bit of an email confusion between the execs and it was funny cos Tran was stressing out about the hot pot dinner whereas I was stressed about us showing up and not having a meeting. I stayed home and did one third of my networks assignment.

I'm glad I did have this lunch with Ness in the morning though. Ness seems more tired and stressed lately. I hate to see her in that condition though she, like me, hides it really well. But I guess it takes one to know one but I rather not comment on it since I HATE IT when people point out the obvious when it's right there 'in ur face' obvious that I'm trying to hide something. lol... but yeah, I wish her the best as well.. I really want things to be ok for her...

I kinda miss my family tonight. You never know.. another day comes and they might not be there. So I guess I should get back to calling them on the phone to remind them how much I'm thankful and how much I love them. I'm not a bad son/grandson, I guess. I'm just lonely and kinda don't want them to find out how much I'm getting bored of life as it drifts by.

Music: John Mayer - The Heart of Life

Mood: lonely