Gardenia (Mandy Moore)

A woman is allowed to use the word 'womanizer' on a man while the man's version is 'jezebel'? Like, how come jezebel sounds so erotically pretty while womanizer sound like the worst type of dildo available in a cheap sex shop? Ok, that wasn't the reason why I blogged but yeah listening to Britney makes me think. I'm kinda growing to the song now anyways. So I think it's an ok song.

I had a lab exam today, in which I thought I did pretty ok as opposed to my other stuffs. I only have an assignment and a final exam to go. I hung around with nick after the exam and we talked about a lot of things. We even came up with some brilliant sketch ideas.

But, yeah, while I was talking to nick, I came up with this thought. Like Ben Folds sing, "Now that I have found someone, I'm feeling more alone". This is quite true since before you found anyone, you're just as normal as how you're like and there are only friends or good stuff happening to look forward to (like the new episode of gossip girl i'm downloading now). As soon as I've found and liked Ben, things have changed a bit. It's only been two days but I always think of him. It's a bit weird since I completely forgot about my social life. There's just him in my head the whole time. So, I ended up messaging him and all that. Normally, I'd be worried if the other person would think I'm being either too needy and clingy. But, today, I've come to accept that in order for him to like me for who I am, I'd have to be natural me. I, as Hein, love to keep in touch with someone I have a huge crush on or even like at all times. It's just the way I deal with things. I'd love to think about him. And I guess it's even more noticeable at the start of a relationship or a relationshp-to-be. I guess I was quite confident about messaging him today since if he found that somewhat negative, then he'll have to reconsider and just think of what he really wants. If he likes it, then that's totally awesome since he likes me for what and who I really am. And chilling with Nick, I did get back to my normal self and started to appreciate my normal social life again. I messaaged him today and after some time, I did get a promising message back, which made me smile and kinda made me happy that he does like me for what I am.

All I am saying is I'm a bit sick of trying to be someone else to impress the other person and if what I'm doing is wrong, then it's just me being so stupidly insecure about myself. Thinking about him does not kill people and getting messages from people you had fun hanging out with is not a bad thing. So, I do think what I did today was all honest and all 'me'. I'm impressed he's fine with it.

And speaking of which, Ben is a bit of a patriotic biter. He bit me on my back on Sunday and I have managed to circlize them and join the dots. And it somehow looks like the shape of an Australian map. How patriotic of him.

Music: Britney Spears - Womanizer

Mood: brave