Intensity Measures

Sometimes, you have to lie in life. It's for your own protection. Or you just have to hold that one gulp in your throat. It's not a lie. It's more of a big lump in your throat which would not move up nor down but just stuck there. It's a feeling of a clog in your blood vessel if you have lung cancer. It's the feeling of being in a car in the middle of a huge ass long traffic when you're already late for something urgent.

I love the fact that I did have the most intense talk with someone and even happier that me and Ben had marched on to our second date. However, intense talks are not that smart especially when you could contradict yourself sometimes. First of all, I do NOT like games but I always end up playing them anyways since it's a must to have a bit of a 'left over' for them to invade as opposed to you giving your all to them. That's the number one rule. Me, being aware of it, almost gave every details about me to him tonight. Why? Cos I like him. I really like Ben and I want him to know the real me I guess. But that's a huge risk I'm taking. On the other hand, I was glad I did find out some stuffs about him too.

What I did tonight was all real except for the part that I kept my guards up! He doesn't know how worried and scared I am. How I know this can either lead to something really tight/good or just a shameful break up. I know we both have potentials to be friends but we both know that we can aim for more.

Then, I still don't know why he wouldn't let me add him on facebook but I think that's a good thing too since facebook is quite distracting and no one wants to be checked or stalked and we're not really anything yet. He asked me what I thought about monagomy and I told him exactly what I thought of it. That scares me a bit too cos I have no idea why he asked me that and the dude he's living with is his ex. I don't know.. I don't even know why I'm being a worrying freak about this. It felt good being open to someone you like but it's also a bit worrying to know why he'd ask.

Today was quite cool since I went out with Ali and Fluff. We walked through this coastal walk area from Bondi til Bronte with Fluff. Fluff FINALLY was NOT afraid of me anymore and there was this sculpture by the sea happening so we had fun taking pics there as well. Then, we had coffee in one of Bondi's coffee shop. It was fun bumming with Ali and Fluff. She's finally made a facebook account for Fluff and now I'm friends with him there and I would be able to tag him if I upload pics of him.

Well, many questions are left answered as for tonight but isn't it a thrill to find out what will happen one day... we all do wonder :)

Music: Pink - Sober

Mood: curious