Confession

Dear All,

As you have been wondering what Hein's been up to lately, he's done it again. So, though it was quite obvious for him to be outta the closet soon when he got to Sydney, away from his land and away from the culture shock, some of you must have been pretty amazed or either shocked with that news. I know it must have been ever more traumatizing when I went crazy and announced it on facebook last few weeks ago. I actually kinda regret it because I don't find the need to look for acceptance when I found out later that the people I love in my life actually KNEW about this all along. However, due to some circumstances, ignorance is quite the bliss it deserves. Yeah, I was just happy I'm accepted by the people I love. I didn't need to shout it out loud anymore I guess.

So, what have I done this time? I've fallen in love with a stranger. Yes, it's true I was ashamed to admit it. I thought online dating was for the wretched, the foulest of the foul, the weakest of the weak or just lamest of the lame. I guess I hated myself all along because I guess in life, you just love yourself too much that you just don't think any types of 'assumed' negativities would suffice your well being. I apologize. I guess in order for me to learn about a false accusation or judgement I've made in the past, I, myself, have to play that role. Just so I know what's in it.

I clicked Yes on this person four months ago. His smile caught my eyes. However, to be honest, he was one of the fews I tend to get to know. One of them. So, all I'm saying is he was one of 'them'. Online encounter of its own kind.

We both had our favorite bar, Stonewall. It makes us both wonder, until today, how we never crossed each other's path. We both believe we must have. Maybe, he was in the loo while I was trying to go to the second floor to ask for martini. Maybe I was too drunk dancing on the stage while he was busy fiddling with the jukebox at the corner of the second entrance to your left if you're walking from the side where they've got T2 or Arq.

Needless to say, I'm glad we've met, be it online or just some pathetic application on facebook, because he made me see things again. Today, my partner, my boyfriend, my best friend, was down. He called me his 'virtual' boyfriend. Yes, true indeed. I only exist in wires and cables and an annoying buzz of a modem next to his puter table. But I guess those are the substitution to the flesh and bone that he could not touch. Be this sound stupid to those who's reading, but... despite the fact that I have not experienced any of my five senses with his in the same room, I have seen his insides, which I might have failed to have seen if I were just hooked on his outsides if we've met in real life. We got to get to know each other. We got to exchange stories. It's just something I would have failed to do even if it was in Gloria Jeans outside Slide.

My boss told me last week that it's important to stay true to what you like and what you want in life and not live according to what others please. God, it's true! I felt ashamed when she said that cos it made her know things way better than I do and I felt like she was poking at one of my weakness again to remind herself of what she's capable of. Boy, was I wrong! She actually boosted me to be more me than the person I used to be who pleases everyone.

I have always been patient enough to see anything through everyone's point of view. It's not really normal for me to hate a person or even judge them or color them the shades I want them to be colored. Give me a palette and a person and I'd just be standing there blindsighted not knowing what color they are. But, the deal here is, no matter what the hue was supposed to be, I guess I love them for what they are. Those who lacks originality has failed to make it to my facebook account by the way. Sorry, suckers!!

I guess what I'm trying to get here in this way too long of a passage I'm writing here is the fact that I do love my boyfriend although I have never met him before. And I do believe that he is not just another source from a cable outlet. It might be sad, some might question and some might even frown reading this. Trust me, I, myself, have frowned and even judged *subconsciously* to those who's dated online before. I guess I've learnt my lesson and I've finally been able to be proud to say how I can love one person unconditionally just by a click of a mouse.

I don't know if we'll last and I can't read the future but for the time being, I feel strong about him being the same person I can count wrinkles with and book the same room with different nurses in a nursing home. Everyone has the right to do what they want. Isn't it about time you guys love me for being just me?

Technology is the win........ sometimes :D

Regards,

Hein