My neck was getting worse. The left side of my neck ached. I think it's the inner muscle that's fucking up and I feel ten times older than I actually am that I've started to feel this way. God, I hate things I can't grab and correct. If only I could see what's happening and plumb it with my own hands.
Saturday has been an epic fail in terms of planning. I have planned to go to GermanChick's bbq and pedicure. Before all that, I planned to go online to go talk with Craig for a mighty few minutes only since he'd be working on his Law assignment.
The night before, i went to DJ Bar. So, this was the place where most kids in Burma hang out now a days. A small smoky room full of so many types of people. Emo dressed up guys, who dance either on their own or with other guys to dance music, could never define the phrase 'gender preference'. Chicks were sitting on barstools and some were dancing on the dancefloor; most of them could have been arrested by the fashion police to the point where DJ bar would be left with guys only. Some caucasians were there and they KNOW they were the center of attention. I've heard myths about how hookers love these caucasians, only cos it's like pleasure and business at the same time. A Burmese hooker's local clients would just consist of some virgin boy who wants to have gang bang with her or sweaty businessmen who would just spend around five minutes to relieve their mojo drive, but this would end up with the hooker left with sweat and stain of disgust. Fat and sweat.. not a good combo. So, these caucasians, who would be quite more equipped in their boxers and who would go for hours with their steroids body... the hookers like. So, it's like a shit swarmed with flies.. not that I think caucasians are shit..but just that, these proud bastards know what they were in there for and it's quite disgusting.
So, I felt like I was in a pack of losers. And then I felt like I didn't belong. So, technically, I felt like a loser in a crowd of losers. Double my fucked-up-o-meter, my night was ruined. The morning just gave me that sense of boredom where I thought to myself how life in Burma has not been productive apart from my work and career. My walk in Hyde Park and 2am in Gloria Jeans were gone. I was one rotting workaholic with music in his veins...
So, with not much motivation but with a huge anticipation to talk with Craig, I went to the internet cafe, only to find out how the connection was ceased today. Yep, it's the public big major event and it's only fair and quite third world country of Burma to cease internet connections. Then I phoned my office and found out there wasn't any electricity there either. Bummer! So I went home and as I was preparing myself to work on the module flow chart, electricity went off. I called Craig before that just to tell him I wouldn't be online, a self-promised five minutes call that accumulated naturally to a 25 minutes ridiculous oversea phone charge. It was worth it though. Phonecall with Craig was like the highlight of the day.
I made up my mind that I would not do pedicure or go to GermanChick's bbq and instead I would just sleep. That was when my boss rang. I heard it the first few times and I ignored it but after a while I got concerned and it was her calling for five times in a row. It was not later when I found out that her laptop fucked up and she had no idea where to fix it.
Now, when I first got to Sydney, I kinda used gay.com as my guide to know where's what. I guess those horny people there did come to use when they kinda talked to me about Sydney in general, though I did have to repay their favor with sex, which I wouldn't complain since it was almost like freeing a mouse into a cheese fondue. So, I could kinda relate to Boss... being a Thai chick in Burma and not knowing where to fix her laptop. I called my cousin up, took my car, sent her to a repair shop and had her laptop fixed. She seemed pretty grateful for it. I was just happy she could have her datas saved and not fucked by the whole breakdown. I would be panicking too if my datas from work had been washed out by a virus in my laptop in a third world country.
Boss and I had an awesome chat as usual. I was telling her how I've been thinking about being scared of parenting. She gave me a frown. It's true. How the fuck am I to be sane if I was thinking about how to parent kids who I would be having with a boyfriend who I've only communicated online for four or five months. Don't get me wrong, Boss is a huge support of Team CraigHein but when it comes to me being scared of parenting my kids, she just gave me that look. I told her it was hypothetical and she didn't have to think I'm worried sick everynight thinking about how we would be parenting Sebastian...
I guess it's just guilt. I mean, I felt like I've been living a lie with my parents and grandparents my whole life and the last thing I would want my kid to do is to lie to me that he's straight just because he's afraid of me judging him. The next thing that scares me is how I can be a bit of a 'don't talk back/don't obey' kid to my parents and it makes me wonder how cruel life would be to have a son or a daughter who smiles at you and they'd be injecting cocaine at your back. Karma is such a bitch. Ah well, I don't know. Not that I'm worried but when you had to sit three hours in a laptop repair shop with a neckpain, you can't blame me for having these thoughts. I guess Craig can be a good dad while I'll be the Nazi dad they'd hate at first, but one day realize how I've been so caring for them.
I know.... it's just 'thinking' it's not like I'm dying with worries here hahaha
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