Reality Awakes Me

Something has totally shaken me awake today. In my last blog entry, I was going on about how jealous I feel about Craig putting his ex on his status. The fact is, I shouldn't. However, I think I should stop thinking about the future as well. Let's get real.

Being friends with an ex-boyfriend is rare but it's awesome. I, myself, have believed in it and I think I have tried my best to go on with Simon as friends. When I was with Simon, he told me about his ex, Neil, who he's best friends with. But then again, they both lead their different lives. But that's only because I was with Simon. Now, looking on Craig's side, he's there on his own without me and I think he has every right to hang out with his ex and treat his ex special.

But that also reminds me that I ONLY exist online and my dream of whatever is to come is to be blocked off my mind from today. I don't want to look ahead, I don't want to plan for my future, I don't want to even see anything that's supposed to be there for me and most importantly, I need to get real.

I guess it hurts that I can't be there with Craig at the moment. I got nothing against his ex. In fact, I think his ex is cool. While I'm here existing online, I can't help but feel helpless and secondary to him, regardless of what he says about me. It's true I've never met such a beautiful soul as Craig does. But, not to forget, where I come from, we all lead different lives and we don't depend on each other unless they're our partner or family members. Mine's worse since I don't even depend much on my family members when it comes to attention or just mentally dependency. I think everyone has their own little issues or baggages.

I guess I just want a boyfriend who can rely or depend mostly on me but at the moment, it's not his fault that I am not there. However, human nature has its fix on me and my behavior towards this is loss of motivation. I don't know what to feel or think about this at the moment. But I do want to be real..

and the reality is...

I'm alone in Yangon and I do NOT have a boyfriend I can go out with and clean his room for :(

truth sucks but it's time to face it......