Two Sides

It's funny how I'm not posting this blog live since my internet's being a proper cheap ass bitch at the moment. I can't believe I used the word 'proper' and 'bitch' at the same time. Wordpad's awesome by the way and this is gonna be pasted on blogspot soon lol.

So, I got work today. Thanks to the Smiggle alarm clock I woke up totally late AGAIN. I guess my life is so yesterday as opposed to the whole 'daylight saving' zone. So, I decided to bring my clock to Smiggle and made Badih fix it. Thanks to my prince charming who knows how to fix clocks, now my clock is totally not out of date and I would hopefully wake up in time tomorrow. But then again, I got nothing on tomorrow. Shame! The only reason that I am so dumb at this clock thing was because as soon as I bought that clock, I made Leah fix the clock for me and I threw away the manual sheet right away. You see, I am NOT THAT dumb.. just dumb enough to chuck the manual away.

So, despite my promise that I would never eat chillied pad thai from the 'thai thai thai' shop on Level 3 of Market City, I ended up ordering Pad Kee Mao (which is the bigger noodled version of pad thai). And when asked how hot I want it to be, I said 'HOT". What was Hein thinking? I would have NO FUCKING CLUE. So, as I was eating my noodles in the back room, it made me think and realize the nature of this guy I've been in since I was born. This bodysuit of Hein with all his personalities, attitudes and knowledges. Ok, it might sound like I'm trying to say I'm this weird ass alien in Hein suit but all I'm trying to say is I've been learning about myself a lot lately. Am I done yet? I'd like to think no. You know in movies when people say "Sometimes I surprise me too", I guess that comment makes so much sense. Things I do each and every day without thinking makes me realize what type of a guy I am and why do I keep falling into traps that life's handed out for me.

I guess, in life, we all live two lives. One, which we would love to see ourselves living and one that is truly inside of yourself. Confused? Well, sometimes you do stupid things which you weren't aware of while you were doing it but somehow snapped afterwards. Now, that's the real you. And sometimes just because of the way the society handles you or sees you, we like to BE someone. I am not saying we are trying to be someone we're not but I guess it's fair enough to say all of us lives two lives. In order to be happy with these two lives, we just have to make peace and agree to take in these two lives together.

So, there I was eating this noodle. I KNEW it was gonna be hot, I knew it was gonna be fucked in the mouth though it tastes so good but yet, I ordered it and worse I ate it. See, that's the real me. I like to keep doing things no matter how hard I try to say I won't do it again. Same thing goes for yesterday night. Yes, I had sex with Nate. It was good since it's been a while. And all this time, I've been trying to tell myself not to have cheap sex, not to let anyone use me or not to do it until I know someone. But yes, I did it. So, I asked myself again whether I regret it or not.

The truth is nope. Cos I unintentionally tested Nate. Sometimes, when someone comes to your place just for sex, you can tell by the way they get impatient. So, I talked with Nate for a mighty good two hours before I jumped myself naked on him. And yes I am happy. Cos if a man's patient enough to wait for sex, he's either a desperate fucking loser who would wait two hours just to have sex with someone when he can go and fuck others OR he's just a nice friend who was just horny after we chat. Either ways, I'd like to think I did my job. So, one life of me who tries to be correct at all times negotiated with my other life, which of course always made me end up doing things I would normally do.

Now, if anyone's reading this, please make good use of the 'comment' button since I got a question for you guys. "Is it true that men can't ejaculate when they're drunk?". The reason I asked is cos when I'm drunk, I can still ejaculate whilst wanking(Sorry for being too honest) but I'd love to know. So, make good use of the button 'anonymous' and comment me with details. I'd love to hear from you despite the fact that we're all anonymously helping each other out here anyways. I have set my comment button to public so let's make good use of it, Comprendez? :)

Music: Coldplay - Viva La Vida (Starters DJ's Remix)

Mood: hopeful